Need some 1 who will listen to this prob & give Relationship Advise?

Question

Please this is tearing me up inside,
I need advise & I know what I'm about
to say might be long & might even
offend some people but please I'm so
confused & hurt & I just need some
guidance on what to do.

I am currently in a long term relationship
with my BF. We've been together for 6 years
now. We've had our share of arguments but
we have always worked things out somehow &
have always kept the line of communication
open. I thought he was THE ONE, until certant
things happened & I began to realize over time
that a TRUE LOVE wouldn't do such things to me.
I thought about breaking up back then, but then
he got better. Now the only problem I have is
he thinks I'm too clingy. I had all this love
for him but he doesn't want me to bother him
with too much affection. My other problem is he
doesn't show enough affections to me. Now I'm
beginning to loose those feelings for him, since
I'm not able to express myself to him like how
I'd like to, & I feel he isn't expressing enough
to me. Sometimes, I feel like the reason he
doesn't want me to be like that is because he
wants sex instead. We've been together for 6
years & I have yet to have sex with him. We have
fooled around though.

My other problem is recently I met this guy who is
also in a relationship, & I have really strong
feelings for him. I don't know him completely yet
but all my senses are saying he is THE ONE. I don't
want to ruin anyone's life nor do I want to hurt
anyone. So I have kept it to myself. I have not
told this guy how I felt, because of my delemas
& how complicated it would be to tell such a guy
in his position. (keeping out details due to
length of this question, but it is a very
complicated thing if I was to consider ever
telling this guy)

Because of this I am really considering breaking
up with my BF. I can't stand feeling like this &
I feel like my heart is cheating. The best thing
would be to let my BF go & for him to find someone
better for him. However, we have built so much
together, & I worry about everything that we have
made together will fall apart. I would like to stay
friends & stay co-workers / co-owners of our business
together, but the more I think about it the more I
know he'll be too emotionally hurt to separate the
relationship from other things in our life. Don't
get me wrong, I am not breaking up in hopes of
getting the other guy. I just think it's not fair to
my BF if my feelings are fading for him, & I'm
starting to have feelings for someone else.

For the sake of "What if's" I will say if there was
ever a moment where the truth could come out about
my feelings for this guy, I would like to tell him
but I would not want him to cheat nor would I cheat,
but I would like him to consider, if a relationship
between us is at all possible.

I'm afraid telling this guy about my feelings will
hurt any possibility of a friendship, which is sad
because he's really cool.

Actually this could have been longer because it's
a bit more complicated then this, but this is me
trying to sum everything up.

So I guess what I'm asking is:
1) How do I tell my BF about what I'm feeling?
2) Should I breakup with my BF?
3) Should I tell the guy how I feel about him?

For more information if you want to help me you are
more then welcome to email me. Please, I really need
help.

Answer 1

1) the easiest way to tell him is just sit him down and let it out
2)If you break up with him you will lose everything and just because your feelings don't seem as strong as they used to be doesn't mean that they're gone. Feelings can be rekindled so don't give up yet.
3)don't even go there not unless you're 100% sure that it's over with your b/f, also be sure that he feels the same way because he may see you as a good friend and not a person for a relationship. Also keep in mind that infatuation feels alot like love for a while.

I would love to continue with advice but you didn't give your e-mail address so how am I to contact you?

Answer 2

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. I know what it's like to have those confusing feelings.

You have been with your BF for 6 yrs, that is a long time, and you have ties other than just a romantic relationship (you have a partnership and a deep friendship). I am not sure why you have never had sex (none of my business really), but after 6 yrs together, my opinion is that sex would have happened by now if the chemistry was truly there.

You need to discuss your romantic relationship with your BF in a calm and rational manner. Let him know you have a deep affection for him and you will always love him (that's what it sounds like when I read your question - it's just not a passionate / sexual type of love). Let him know you never want to lose his friendship OR your working relationship, but you have sensed that your feelings for each other have changed over the years. See how he reacts, and ask him to be honest. DO NOT tell him about feelings that you are having for the other guy!!!

When it comes to being attracted to another man, believe me when I tell you, you will find yourself in the same situation many time in your life. No matter how much you love your mate, human beings are still instinctual mammals, and it is difficult to "turn off" your basal desires. Just accept that this is going to happen from time to time, and know that just because you feel those yearnings, it does not mean you have met "the one." As humans, we always want what we can't have. No matter how "right" it feels, breaking up one relationship to start another one will never end well.

My advice would be, DO NOT tell this other guy that you have feelings for him, no matter how strong they are. Just enjoy the time you get to spend with him as a friend and let that be enough. Be happy that such a "cool" person has come into your life and touched it in a special way.

I can't tell you whether or not you should break up with your BF. I can only suggest that you open the lines of communication with him and see where that takes you. Maybe you will find out that he also wants the nature of your relationship to change...OR, maybe he will realize how his behavior has affected your feelings for him, and this will motivate him to treat you as you deserve to be treated and you will fall in love on a deeper level.

Best of luck to you!!! I've been there, I know it stinks!!!

Answer 3

Like you said, you guys have been together for like six years now. There shouldnt be any problem being too clingy! If he loves you enough, he wouldnt complain.

And about this guy. Get to know him better. maybe as a friend first. Then think about who you like better. Your boyfriend or this new guy. MAybe its time to move on, or maybe this will only make your relationship with your boyfriend stronger.

If you chose the new guy, talk to him about it. And ask him if he feels the same about you. But let the friendship grow first. If you feel its the right time, then tell him how you feel. If he would want to be with you or with his old girlfriend. NO cheating. It will bite you back later.

Maybe before all of that, tell your boyfriend how youre feeling and how you view everything. Maybe he doesnt even notice how harsh he is. Be closer to the new guy. Make sure youre close enought to him that when you tell him how you feel it wouldnt be a shock and you are able to keep the friendship even after what you told him. Take some time to figure out who you really want.

Answer 4

you need to talk to your boyfriend. you need to explain to him that you need affection. that you are not feeling loved and need that from him. See if he gives you more. Plus if you have not slept with him yet in 6 years he is probably tired of getting blue balls. You are a lucky woman to have a man wait that long for you. That right there should show you love. The reason why you are so clingly to him is because deep down you do not want him to go anywhere or find somone new as you have. you want to make sure he is right there for you and you want to make sure that he doesnt know about this other guy. You need to stop and think about this other guy. he has a girlfriend. Has he done anything to make you think that he likes you? Are you just hoping?? The grass is not greener on the other side... Remember that. Something has made you stick it out with your bf for 6 years. Obviously you are not ready to move on other wise you would not be asking strangers. You should leave the other guy alone and work on your relationship. If you truely think it is over with your bf then break up with him. I can not see you guys staying in business together though. You might just need a change in life. Go away with your boyfriend just you and him see how it goes she if your feelings come back. Get out of the everyday routine, everyone will get tired of that and search for something else.

Answer 5

I know how you feel with the affection thing. I am the hand-holding, smootching, cuddly type, my bf could survive on a peck on the cheek. Sometimes it drives me nuts. It's taken us three years to find our groove, and to be honest, I'd still prefer more affection. But we're slowly coming to a compromise. One thing I do question is, you've been together for 6 years, but haven't slept together? And you owna business together? I'm curious about this, as it's quite unusual in this day and time. Are you waiting for marriage, and if so, have you considered marrying him? You leave out quite a few specifics but I think I can help you figure out where to start. First of all, the other guy that your attracted to...forget it. If he's in a relationship, he is off-limits. Don't pursue him, and as long as you've done nothing with him, you don't need to mention your attraction to him to your bf. Everyone is allowed to look. Second, you should tell your boyfriend what you're feeling and go from there. It might lead to breakup, and it might not. If everything else is right except for this, then you two should probably talk and work it out. There's room for compromise in every situation, if it's worth it to you. I guess the question you need to ask yourself is, is it worth giving up 6 years of what sounds like a good relationship in order to start over with someone who might still not give you what you want? 6 years is virtually a marriage (although it still puzzles me that you haven't slept together and don't live together, but co-own a business), and worth an investment of time in order to fix the snafus. Good luck, and I hope things work out for you.

Answer 6

Well the best thing that i can tell you is that to pray before anything, and with the Lord on your side sit your BF and seriously talk to him and let him in on how you are feeling, i know it will probably be hard, but you have to somehow, and try to make him understand how you feel, but as for telling him about the other guy, don't because maybe your Bf might come around, but still don't tell him.
And if what you and this guy have is something special, just sit him down and let him know how you feel and if you want to remain friends with this other guy, then by all means do and see where your feelings for him go. From there just let nature take her coarse.

Answer 7

You tell your boyfriend how you know he would best understand. From what I have gathered you should both move on. I understand that 6 years was a long time but you both are pushing away from this relationship. I don't truly think you have extremely strong feelings for this other guy, I think you are trying to find a way out of your current relationship. Maybe this other guy is complete opposite from what you have now therefore he is attractive to you. After you and your current boyfriend split I would take some time to yourself as a single person and enjoy life. Find out what it is like to be single for a while. Then a true mate will find you. Trust me.

Answer 8

okay first thing you need to ask yourself is if you really love the person your with? Secondly can you see yourself married to this person? If you have even the slightest doubt then this person is most likely not the person for you, and i suggest you start going out and meeting new people. As for the new guy just let him go, why because he has someone. Don't do to others what you wouldn't want done to you. If he is really the one and interested in you then let him come to you when he is single, though dont fall to quick and give in because you don't want to be his rebound. If this guy has been with this girl for a long time and breaks up with her and goes to you dont be surprised that if it doesn't work he will go back to her. Take your time and don't rush into anything. Always remeber what your worth and what you have to offer and most importanly that your responsible for your happiness! I hope i am not being harsh but I really think you need to be alone and think about what you want and go out a bit and see whats out there.

Answer 9

First of all, if your current boyfriend respected and understood you, he would wait for a sexual relationship with you. Does he share this same value with you? Sounds to me like he isn't respecting you in many areas of your relationship. So the question you need to ask yourself is this: Am I willing to live with this behavior for a lifetime? If not, then move on. You deserve more than this.

Secondly, the other man is in a relationship. This makes him unavailable to you. There is a certain biology of attraction that I think everyone should know. We are attracted to certain people because of how their DNA differs from ours. Usually, when we feel such a strong pull towards someone, it is a biological response. We are capable of controlling it. I would recommend figuring out your current situation with your boyfriend before making any other moves. Otherwise, you will find yourself in a worse and more painful circumstance. Trust Me.

Answer 10

1)it sounds like to me that you two are capable of talking so why not just pick some time to pull him aside and call the infamous "we need to talk". collect yourself and tell him how your feeling.
2)it sounds like your fairly sure its over between your boyfriend but surely you must still have feelings for him. 6 years is a long time. you need to think about your friendship/buisness with him too.
3)i think you should kinda get to know this fella more. sometimes when people are in long relationships and get bored with their partner they start thinking "wow i can do much better. look what i could have with THEM"

your right this a very complicated affair and i guarantee not everyone is going to come out of this with smiling faces.