My boyfriend cheated on me. He told me that a girl went into his apartment and they did stuff and no clothes came off or anything and he said that she never touched him and all they did was make out. BUT one month later he called me and told me that they had actually had sex and more then once with her. That night before he said he was all crying and praying that I would forgive him and that I wouldn't leave him. Well I'm still with him and i forgive him but he needs to gain back my trust and I know that I have to do some work in this dilema and I need to learn to trust him again.........but I don't know how to do that becuz i've been hurt so badly. But I really love him and love is a fragile thing so I know that I have to take my time on this ......please help
2007-03-26 08:13:30 · 10 answers · asked by Jess J 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Listen to me! You don't need to "work on" anything! He's the one who can't keep his hands to himself! You did nothing to deserve what he did to you! If he deserves your trust, he will work his tail off to earn it back. You do not need to do a thing! If he can't cut the mustard, then he's a cheating loser. Well, he already is that, but unless and until he PROVES to you that he's worth loving again, I say don't do it. He knew exactly what he was doing when he got with this other girl, and he put his love on the line for her. I say dump him.
2007-03-26 08:18:23 · answer #1 · answered by Kyle 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's all about forgive and forget, girl. I understand loving someone who hurt you still. It happens all the time, and you can forgive someone for that. But you can't gain back that first trust without forgetting what he did, and you'll never be able to do that. What you have to ask yourself is if it's worth being with someone you love and sacrificing that trust, because no matter how hard you try to convince yourself that you've gotten over it, you'll always have that little worry whenever he goes out and what not. You learn to live with a new type of trust, that's all.
All that said, I think it's a bad idea to stay with him. Not all guys cheat. Trust me. I don't.
2007-03-26 08:21:37 · answer #2 · answered by bitchlips411 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
YOU don't learn to trust again.
HE apologizes and EARNS that trust back.
Which includes a lot of patience and hard work on his part, and forgiveness and willingness to try on your part. This is not a "problem" that you have, it's an issue that both of you need to work on in order to make it better. If he's not willing to help, it's not going to happen.
P.S. It can take years to fully get over something like this, so don't think it's a month or two and everything's ducky!
2007-03-26 08:19:06 · answer #3 · answered by Jarien 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
HI jess,
when i first saw this it took me back to a bad time and thinking of your situation i just have to say that i can see he lied the 1st time probably cause he wanted to protect you and hoped it wouldn't hurt your feelings as much and seeing as he told you the real truth shows he really dose care and knew hed be hurting you more by not telling you the truth
--in my case im tha one trying to gain the trust back i cheeted, yea i know being drunk isn't much of an excuse but i was. Honestly i dont remember, he forgave me and i promised not to do it again and i think its going well
i didnt mean to do what i did and i dont think that he(your boyfriend) did if he did then why would he pray and wish that you wernt going to leave him?
im sure hes more worryed about wiether or not you believe him and one thing i hope for is for him(my bf) not to go out n do what i acidentally did to him i never ment to hurt anyone i was just trying to have a good time with ppl i thought were just friends.....
you know my boyfriend told me when he was talking to one of his best friends they told him "if you love her like you say you do you'll stay with her,not hurt her and learn to trust her again.."
a way to learn to trust someone is to talk and know what you guys have going....
if he dose it again i know its just going to hurt more...
i guess just try n know what he;s doing
not all phyco or anything but yea in your own little way
im sure if you keep him guessing he wont do anything wrong
another is to make sure he knows how that all made you feel and if he truly loves you and cares about how you feel he wont do that or anything again..
i hope i helpd. =)
if not im sorry..
-Rose J.
2007-03-26 08:40:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you in no way somewhat do, it extremely is something you will slowly study to handle. while somebody else that comes into your life. you will constantly have your guards up, thats would be annoying, yet be straightforward and open up front enable them to comprehend which you dont % to start a relationship on any fake thoughts or hiding secrets and techniques. you comprehend what it sounds like while somebody cheats on you. If the different guy or woman feels issues arent going precise do cheat on you yet be a guy adequate guy or woman and enable you comprehend that they % out. will injury yet a minimum of they are going to be straightforward. good success
2016-10-20 12:04:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not your responsibility to give your trust to him, it's his responsibility to earn it from you.
You're blaming yourself for his actions, and until you stop, he can't move forward in making any changes to them. He has a lot more work ahead of him to put toward this relationship than you do.
You don't need to learn HOW to trust him, you need to figure out if you CAN; he needs to prove that he deserves it by demonstrating more honesty and reliability with you than he has so far.
2007-03-26 08:22:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don"t. Once a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater. Find someone who respects you.
2007-03-26 08:16:57 · answer #7 · answered by tallerfella 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can't trust him... although you could pay him back by having sex with him best friend... :D
2007-03-26 08:16:31 · answer #8 · answered by Forlorn Hope - returned 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
does he mean talking to someone
as cheating?
2007-03-26 08:17:54 · answer #9 · answered by AnnaP. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
many others will tell you, and it's true, move on.
Good luck.
2007-03-26 08:19:12 · answer #10 · answered by A Military Veteran 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋