well i asked this question earlier but i didn't give enough info so people were confused. Here it is:
Before me and my boyfriend went out, he made the new years resolution to not have sex for the whole year. He said it was because he has had alot of sex, and his friends told him he can't do it, so he wants to do something he knows is nearly impossible i guess. He HAS tried to have sex with me a couple years ago, but I turned him down. After he told me this, I respected his wishes (but he waited until after we got together to tell me all this) and when he came over my house one day, he was gonna do it with me but we tried three times and failed because he couldnt get it to work or he couldnt turn me on.
I want to respect his wishes and I really like him, but I cant go on for long without sex. I know im NOT going to cheat on him, but I dont want to break up with him just for this reason because I think its shallow.
So how the hell do I deal with this?
2007-03-26 08:01:40 · 24 answers · asked by Déjà Vu 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
We've never had sex with each other before. (failed attempts)
But we've had plenty of sex when we werent together
2007-03-26 08:12:13 · update #1
IM NOT PRESSURING HIM TO HAVE SEX WITH ME. THOSE TIMES THAT WE TRIED, HE CAME COMPLETELY ON TO ME.
2007-03-26 08:20:57 · update #2
Regardless what the "moral majority" says, Sex is an important part of a relationship. I believe in a serious relationship... It's NEEDED! I as a guy couldn't imagine going for a year without. Guys get ALOT of sexual tension from just everyday living. If he's NOT having sex.... He's masterbating quite a bit, what's the difference? The sexual stress is getting relieved either by you or him. I don't believe it's shallow to want sex in the relationship. And I think if HE'S not willing to have sex with you, then he's jacking off at home whether he admits it to you or not. Why not share the intimacy together rather than him just getting himself off alone? I believe it was a dumb wager for him to take, how bout a wager of him keeping all your needs satisfied for a year? That wager just might get your relationship somewhere! Best of luck! oh, and just cause you "failed" when you tried before, sometimes guys hard-ons have a mind of their own. It can be quite embarrassing when a guy is turned on and his lower half doesn't follow suit. It's natural although it can really hurt his ego. is this why he's "afraid"? encourage him, tell him it's alright, and GET HIM GIRL!
2007-03-26 08:10:43 · answer #1 · answered by Stabby 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't mean to be rude by saying any of this so please do not take it that way.
1st off he is inconciderate for asking that of you without thuroughly discussing the matter with you, esp if he was interested in you. Its a shallow reason to obstain.
Nonethless it was his decision. You however, you say you respect his wishes yet you eg him on to do it. If you really did, you would not temp him to even want to. Granted, a girls best friend is his little friend if he know what he doin, however if you care, respect him. dare show him how much you care in other ways. either he will love you and demonstrate his love by sex or other ways. either way he will respect you for it and respect will yake you a heck of a lot farther than di** will.
How you deal with it? hmm. im a nymph, so ima tell you its hard. but if you are an active person, find something to take your stress out on, batting cages, swimming, volleyball, etc. it will make you feel better. And try not to keep your mind on what you are not doing but rather what you could do...support your man....
2007-03-26 15:12:56 · answer #2 · answered by Lucy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Breaking up with someone because they won't have sex with you in NOT shallow. Marriages end for the same reason. Intimacy is one of the most important parts of a relationship, without it you're just friends.
You've tried having sex and he can't? Maybe he's really not that into you anyway. Maybe he's keeping you around because he knows he'll have your company and nt have to worry about having "a weak moment."
2007-03-26 15:08:27 · answer #3 · answered by J F 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Look for some more clarity on why he made this resolution. He's apparently already breaking it by attempting to have sex with you.
If he's not going to keep it, it's best that he just throw away the resolution so you can focus on having a good stable relationship without the strange complication of a mistake resolution.
2007-03-26 15:05:39 · answer #4 · answered by Jarien 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You deal with it by letting him stand by his resolution. There are many situations in life where you will need to put aside your personal pleasure for others. Think of all those in the military that go off into harms way for months/years on end and leave their loved ones behind. I suggest that you toughen up and appreciate the fact that he realized he had a problem and is proving to himself he is beyond it. You should appreciate him for taking that step and support him and stop worrying about your personal pleasure ~ the year will be behind you before you know it and think what a great relationship you could have by really getting to know him instead of jumping in the sack with him and distorting the waters.
2007-03-26 15:10:47 · answer #5 · answered by Kwk2lrn 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You pretty much said it; either respect his wishes or be shallow; I bet he can't make it that long though, and will be beggin' for it before long. Oh, and Clueless? Your name is more right than you are willing to admit; some people actually take promises seriously and do it with their honor. If she dumps him just for this, I hope she goes through a dry spell for a year.
2007-03-26 15:06:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's not ALL that shallow, just natural... by the way, have you talked to him about all this? it sounds like homeboy just doesn't want to get turned down anymore, and be considered imortal by his friends, instead of a loser for not having sex. and that he's been watching too many movies (40 days.....)
kinda sounds like somethings wrong if you guys tried and failed three times, and that he is apparently right in saying he can make it for a year.
he needs to, along with you, be thinking of you. you have needs too, you know?
2007-03-26 15:08:54 · answer #7 · answered by Tawddie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off, it is weird to swear off sex for a year. There is something else going on. The fact he "couldnt get it to work" is also suspicious. I suggest the two are related.
dump him. There are some serious issues with this guy.
2007-03-26 15:06:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Instead of actual intercourse why not foreplay for as long as it takes with one another until he thinks he is finished with his resolution or he realizes that it is going to affect his relationship with you and just forget about the whole thing and try something else besides sex to give it up.
2007-03-26 15:06:19 · answer #9 · answered by Felix759 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Dump him.
Unless he has a better reason for not having Sex than what you just told us.
Unless I am missing something here, your boyfriend is putiing YOUR needs below a "dare" with his "friends".
That is a BIG red flag.
2007-03-26 15:07:51 · answer #10 · answered by clueless_nerd 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋