Am I doing the right thing by taking a break from my boyfriend?

Question

Im 23, just graduated from collge & in my career.my bf is 24 &has not yet gone to college-he went to the navy & now wrkng at a garage door co.I told him from the start that i would be movng to LA after I graduated & I did just that.Most of my friends&fam live here +i've always wanted to live her. He is stuck in northrn ca w/his job & can't move for a while. Weve been 2gthr 1 1/2 yrs.I luvhim, &were great together &it was gettng very serious, but we're in diffrent places.he wants to marry me and is convinced i' perfect for him, but I want to explore more &have some 'me" time, delve into my career, accomplish some goals, &maybe date a few diffrent personalities before I commit to him forever. + i want him to at least get his degree &catch up to me maturity-wise &be more succesful, etc before I commit fully to him 4ever! +Ive had sevral longtrm bfs &havnt been single very much&i think this is the perfect time.Hes dealing horibly w/ it & makes me feel SO
guilty.am I doing the rite thing??

PS:I should add that I'm being COMPLETELY honest with him in every way, even at the risk of losing him compltely.He wants 2 move down to LA when his job lets him in August, I said: "just make sure you are moving down here for yourSELF, not just for me." He wanted a guarantee that as soon as he moved to LA, we would go back 2 being exclusive again. I said "I cannot give u that guarantee. Becuse I cannot give u this guarntee, u have every right to break up w/ me completely or wait for me.I would have 2 understand, bc i can't offer that at this time." He says he doesnt care, he still wants to wait for me. I told him he should feel free dating other pple as well, & I am taking the risk of him mting someone else. I AM being fair 2 him, bc I am being compltely honest, rigt? He said he would not be moving down just 4 me, but that he's always wanted 2 live here.. but I still think he would b moving just 4 me, which puts alot of pressure on me. i DO luv him, just hav 2 be on my own 4 awhile...

Answer 1

Don't take a "break"- just break up! It's not fair to take a break (which means the other person thinks you're coming back) when you really want to enjoy your life and date other people. You and he aren't compatible anymore. You've grown and changed, and he hasn't. Break up. End it. Let him find a girl who IS perfect for him. Stop keeping in touch, stop giving him hope, stop leading him on.

Answer 2

Yes. Sometimes we can become too close and loose our own emotional identity. We can become so wrapped up in our beloved ones life that we forget to live our own.

Remember, our own individuality is what drew them to us in the first place. If we loose that, we risk loosing them because we are no longer who they thought we were.

If that person left and you had no life of your own, your world would fall apart and you would have a very hard time trying to put the pieces back together again.

You have a very real grasp on your situation and have a mature view on where this could go on an emotional, mental, spiritual level. If he truly loves you, he may not understand, but he will not stop you. You need to do this or you will have it in your subconscious mind. You will always wonder "What if . . "

Yes, I believe you are doing the right thing.

Answer 3

This is something I tell anyone who is thinking about marriage. Assuming you love each other, the NEXT most important thing for a long-term relationship to work is alignment of goals.

If you two can get on the same page for a fairly detailed plan for the next three to five years (where you want to be, what you want to accomplish, etc, etc), AND have a long-term set of goals in place for your life (work ambitions, region where you want to live, number of kids, religion, how to deal with finances, etc, etc), then TERRIFIC! If you can't put something like that together, then you have to question the relationship.

Even if you guys can't work all this out TODAY, at least start thinking about where your life is headed and where his is headed. You guys need to have a serious talk about this, in my opinion.

I wish you the best!

Answer 4

If you truly loved him you wouldn't care what he did for a living . To my wife and myself our happiness together is what counts most not what we do for a living. He was in the Navy so he sounds quiet mature to me. You don't need a break you just don't love him. You tell him you just want a break and he'll wait for you while you're off with other men you should feel guilty for stringing him along. Sounds like you have had all kinds of personalities in the past. Sorry if I sound crude but it's women like you that make it so hard for men to accomplish anything no matter what he does for you you will never be pleased or happy about it. I wish you all the luck in finding your happiness just don't lead him on.

Answer 5

If you're feeling this way then you have to to what's right for you.......Guilt turns to resentment pretty quickly, and if you try to make him happy without first being happy yourself, it's gonna get ugly. Just try to be straight about this, make sure you both understand what the details of the situation really are so that way if you both decide later to get back together there are no nasty surprises.

Answer 6

I think so. If you still have your wings to fly, then you will always feel like a caged bird if you don't go see what's out there. I would still talk to him if you plan on trying to get back together later. Do you really think he is for you? Do you think he will get his degree, mature, and be more successful? I just know when I met my fiance I felt like I could get my career and reach my goals with him. I can't imagine how I would have felt going out with other guys after him. I felt like I found what I was looking for. Maybe you still are looking? Good luck!!

Answer 7

Its best to tell him how you feel. Avoiding him will only make matters worse. If you aren't ready to settle down then you are doing the right thing. If you commit and your heart isn't fully in what your doing then you'll just make it worse. Spend time with him on a regular basis and try keeping on a friendly note.

Answer 8

break it off completely. If he was the right person for you you wouldn't need "me" time. You would be a horrible person to think you can put somebody's life on hold while you go play your silly "me" time crap. Who in the h*** do you think you are? You don't love him, you only love yourself. BREAK IT OFF totally, completely and permanently and do this guy justice instead of thinking completely about your own selfish a** .

I agree with Violet.

Answer 9

Following your dreams is always the right thing. If u were meant to be together I'm sure you will be in one way or another. I always say that things happen for a reason so maybe something good will come from this separation.

Answer 10

Don't they have garage doors in LA? He is not stuck in northern CA, but his situation is your opportunity to take a break. You will likely discover that he was not as great as you thought.