How do I stop my husband and my brother?

Question

Ok, here is my problem, I need a non-confrontational way of talking to my husband about my brother. They get along better than my brother and I do, but that isn't the problem. They talk about all my faults. I am feeling hurt right now that thy are doing this. I have asked both my brother and my husband to stop. But they don't.lately, they went over to my in-laws (whom I love dearly and get along with) and while they were there all they did was talk about my faults, things my husband knew about before we were even married. I feel like my brother is trying to sabotage this realtionship like he has in past ones, but when I try to talk to my husband about this, he accuses me of comparing him to them, not the situation that is similar. I want to work this out, but I am lost as to how to do it. Pleae help me, I don't need any rude answers, I need caring and understanding ones, please.

Answer 1

get them both together and comfront them get it aired out----like if you guys need to talk about me lets do it with me includer --it will clear the air hon

Answer 2

Are they doing it in front of you? You can't really control your brother, but if you have told your husband to cut it out, and he hasn't, then he is not listening and he is being disrespectful. Notate exactly what is said in the next conversation, then sit down with just your husband and say, "this is what I heard and my feelings are hurt when you talk about me like this." Don't even bring your brother or the past into it. Tell your husband, fi you have a problem, talk to me, and make him set boundaries that he will not take his issues with you outside the marriage. If he continues to do so, then you can remind him when you are alone. But if he doesn't care, then you have bigger problems then your brother trying to sabotage your relationship. You have a husband that thrives on insulting you and you should either get couseling or get out. Also, you might want to figure out a way of distancing yourself from your brother and keeping him out of your house and your family life so much fi he is such a negative infulence.

Answer 3

Well, it's terrible that they're doing you like this for sure. Maybe you should try talking to them together one more time let them know how bad it hurts that they talk about you like that. Ask them to leave the past alone because it makes it difficult for you to focus on the present and the future. Let them know how much you love them both and that you're glad that they get along so well, but they should try to do other things an see if they have other things in common besides you. make sure you put a couple of tears in there and that what they do hurt you so bad and that if they really loved you and cared about your feelings they should stop talking about you so much.

Answer 4

I don't know how you would do it without being confrontational. Your husband needs to understand that you are truly upset about the situation.

That situation doesn't sound good. Ultimately, he has to care enough to listen and understand that what he is doing is hurtful. If he won't do that, then I'm not sure how you would make him.

Have you spoken to both of them together in a serious manner about this? You have to decide what you can tolerate and what you can't and let your husband know that. Men are so good at 'laying down the law', but it seems when we do the same thing in an UNEMOTIONAL way it gets better results.

Good Luck.

Answer 5

And to continue quoting Dr. Phil, you teach people how to treat you. Getting angry and telling people to stop it is not the same as setting boundaries and consequences. There is no way to be non-confrontational. You need to talk to your husband and make it clear in no uncertain terms that you will no longer tolerate his verbal abuse. He can either come to counseling or he can come to court for a divorce. As for your brother, if he cannot respect you, then he will have to do without a sister. I don't know where these guys got the idea that they were so perfect but clearly they understand that they can pick on you with impunity. It's up to you to stand up and say no more and mean it.

Answer 6

Wow, that's a tough one. First off, I'm sorry about what your going through. The only thing I can think of is to invite your brother over while your husband is there and have a deep sit down with them. Explain to them that this is really hurting your feelings and that you don't think it's right for them to be telling everyone your business. Your husband should know that. Tell your husband you love him but what is being said about you is tearing your relationship apart. That's all I can think off, I have never been put in this situation. Good Luck and God Bless.

Answer 7

Talk to your In laws, if they really like you ask them if all of your past faults make a different in how they see you,if not let them know how embarrassed you are when ever your husband and brother bring it up. Odds are no mother is going to let her son shame his wife(if she likes you)in her house(she will pressure the father on her own) so the next time hubby and brother start in mother will step in(with stories of her own about him perhaps). Remember sugar and tears go a long way.

Answer 8

Sounds like you need a professional marriage counselor. Your husband is not giving you proper respect. You can't do anything about your brother, but you don't have to put up with that in a marriage. Fix it now or divorce later.

Answer 9

Ask your husband why he does it and if he love you he would stop. Your brother is just being an ***. He proble trying to get back at you for something

Answer 10

call his bluff... and tell him that if he doesnt put a stop to it.. you will go on stike or leave or something.. he is the one who needs to put a stop to things... how rude..