why is it that my past is haunting me really bad?

Question

i keep sayin that i forgive but i know i dont forget the times my father abused meand when ever i think aboutr it i get really angry in my mind

Answer 1

That's because these kinds of things aren't dealt with merely by saying "I want to get past this."

Seek help; there are people who can help you with this.

Saying that you forgive isn't the same as really forgiving. This isn't to say that you're doing something wrong here; it's not your fault, it's how we humans are.

It's just not that simple.

You're still angry because you haven't really forgiven, because you haven't come to grips with it yet.

Find yourself the right therapist, or a good self-help group. People who really understand this whole process can genuinely help you.

That's what it is, a process -- not a one-off decision on your part.

It takes time, but the sooner you start, the better.

Answer 2

I agree with the other posts; it is part of your past and when abused by someone we love and trust, it causes significant difficulty for us. The subconscious mind keeps kicking it around until it gets resolved.

Counseling is an excellent way to learn how to cope with it, especially if you do have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. One thing I recommend: make sure your counselor has the skills to help clients who have been abused and have PTSD.

I am a counselor and am appalled at how many counselors will say they can treat anything. I have seen some that buy one book on a subject, skim it and proclaim they are now qualified to help. If they aren't experienced and gotten specialized training, they may do you more harm than good.

I get lots of referrals from Child Protective Services. People will call CPS and see if CPS can recommend a counselor skilled in abuse/PTSD and they give them my name.

Hope is in sight; even with an excellent counselor it still takes some hard work. One of the things that I tell my clients: The jerk that abused you has too much power over you. Let's take that power away from them and give it back to you!

Take good care of yourself!

Answer 3

Forgiveness is not the same as forgetting, although sometimes we wish it were.

It is perfectly normal for you to feel this way towards your father, in fact I would be worried if you were able to forget everything that had happened to you.

Your past isn't 'haunting' you, it is a part of who you are and the experiences that you have lived through.

Is your father still a part of your life? or are you surrounded by someone who reminds you of him? That could trigger memories of things that occurred in the past.

My main recommendation is to seek a therapist or a counselor to talk to. It can really help to have someone to listen to and they could help you with whatever needs or issues may arise from that. You could seek a support group as well, those do great work.

Another aide would be to keep a journal on your thoughts and feelings on what has happened to you. I have done this and it has helped me out far more than I thought it would.

You could try cutting your father out of your life, if his past deeds are hurting you still; although that decision is totally up to you.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 4

You know, I have the same problem. I have found that therapy helps; you should be assessed for post traumatic stress disorder and you can get specialized trauma counseling.

It's hard to forgive, perhaps not even necessary, and if these scenes are replaying in your mind it's probably hard for you to concentrate on your daily life. There is now counseling for people who have experienced "Family of Origin Violence"--support groups or individual.

If you are an adult and still angry, it's not going to go away. Do something to fix your problem before you have kids and treat them the same, or marry someone who does.

Best wishes to you.

Answer 5

Unfortueatly you will never be able to "forget" your. The only thing that you can do is to accept it and move on. The way to do this is to speak with a counsellor. This will help by getting everything out in the open. From there your counsellor can then help you understand why your past it haunting you and how you can cope with it.

Answer 6

ur not alone, my past haunts me too. its annoying. try to forget about ur father, he's just one person in this whole world made out of 6 billion people. if u look at him from spacde, u wont c him, if u lok from a plane ull just c a little dot. thats how i c it. so this little dot in this entire globe cannot affect ur future like that forever. we all have past experiences we want to forget, but if u think about it, there is a certain amount of bad deeds that god has written for us to happen, and if so many bad of them happened in childhood, then there is barely any bad left. try to c it as ull ahve a positive future, and shut him out of ur brain everytime he disturbs ur daydreams.
gd luck.

Answer 7

Counseling. If you can't fix it yourself - get help. It's not bad to get help - they know what they're doing. There's nothing more important than your health - mental and physical. Also, poor mental health will affect your physical health.
Good luck.