Have i scared him off?

Question

Weve been together since Dec., our mutual friend introduced us. He was pursuing me everyday for dates, not pressuring me for sex, in fact everytime wed kiss and it would get to that point where my shirt could come off hed stop. We finally ended up sleeping together and it was great. I told him I wasnt ready for a serious relationship. He said okay. On my birthday I ended up getting really drunk and he was mad the next day, all i did was dance with him that night, nothing that weird. He got over it. He also told me how he was doing things for me he would never usually do for anyone and he liked me so much. He ended up moving in bc his roomate kicked him out and since then its not been good. He stopped taking me on dates. He doesnt like it if we go out and i get drunk. This has happened three times. After the last time he didnt talk to me for 2 days. I kept pressuring him, asking what was wrong. He said he was trying to be patient. He then said he wasnt happy

He said he didnt know what dating meant and he didnt like all the labels and didnt want to be responsible for all the things boyfriends do! But again he said all these in exasperation and probably anger. This weekend we went to a wedding and he kept looking at me during the ceremony and grabbing my hand. If i back off will he come around?

Answer 1

OK...this sounds a lot like a relationship I had (except with the whole moving in part), so lemme give you some insights. The thing is that you've told him that you didn't want a serious relationship. Now, that doesn't mean that he's gonna go and screw around, it's just that he wasn't ready for all the things that go together with a serious relationship. For example, he told you he didn't like labels and that he didn't want to do all the things bf have to do and YES, he most likely meant it. And what he meant by it is that he doesn't want to deal with your criticisms, your whining, your bad moods etc (I'm not saying that you do it, just telling you my experience). So, basically, he wants to be around you only when you are your happy self and will probably walk away if you get into a fight etc. And he obviously doesn't like you drinking (maybe this has to do something with his past experience and he's just not willing to tell you yet).

I know it's hard to be in a relationship that feels like a serious one, but is actually not, cos you are never sure what you can or cannot ask from him. But, if you want him to stick around, you have to lay off of him and give him space. But you also have to talk to him and ask him what he wants from you; open communication is crucial! Furthermore, you also have to put your foot down and be like: I like getting drunk once in a while and if you can't deal with it, just don't be around. And if you are around (aka you two go out for a drink together) I will not get drunk. It's as simple as that. You just have to make compromises, not expect him to be there all the time (aka don't take him for granted), give him space when he needs it and just communicate with him. Now, if you want more, like something serious, there is a possibility of that happening in the future, just give him time and don't pressure him. Good luck!

Answer 2

I think his main problem is probably you getting too drunk and him feeling like a babysitter when you do. But maybe next time that he suggests that he's not happy you should suggest a solution because if he's not used to dating, then I would definitely say that him moving in is way too much too soon. It would probably work better if you both had a little bit more breathing room. Also, the main reason that he's not taking you out on dates is because he's with you all the time, so there is no need for special occasions. I think you living together is a formula for relationship disaster, because both of you appear to be dissatisfied with the results.

Answer 3

First of all - stop getting drunk everytime you go out with him.....get high...thats fine but don't get drunk.

Of whatever you have mentioned, he seems like a "good" guy & seems that he is really interested in a long term relationship.

I would recommend work with him to improve upon your relationship, talk to him about how would he want both of you being together...go slow...don't rush him

guys are very weird when it comes to committment, in your case - both of you seem to have the same problem...so continue for a while with the way things are & decide after a while.

Answer 4

First of all, I think it's a bad idea that he's living with you. Hopefully he is looking for another place to live. Secondly, I don't know that you should stop doing the things that you enjoy (like going out and drinking) just because he doesn't like it. This whole relationship doesn't sound right. You may be better off if you end things with him.

Answer 5

guffawing at Pitybluesboy's submit. i know that I too have scared off some because of the fact of my solutions on questions. yet I unquestionably have greater that are actually not fearful of me. i'm happy. I in basic terms am being me, and not attempting to scare every physique.

Answer 6

He is living with you but he doesn't like 'labels' and doesn't want to do the things that boyfriends do? He sounds like a nutjob.....and these are not good signs for a long term relationship. If he doesn't want to be a boyfriend, he needs to move out because this is B.S.

Answer 7

Do you honestly believe you want this guy in your life??
If there was anything to say is MOVE ON...Why try to change his unhappiness when it is obviously you and your actions making him unhappy. You sound fun. Why settle down when you still enjoy being drunk and living it up??Nobody should have to answer to a wet blanket with issues....

Answer 8

Seems like he is refusing or rejecting to get serious with you. Of course it does seems like he likes you but uncertain with committment and responsibility.