Don’t we all have a RESPONSIBILITY to ensure our own safety? Don’t you care about your loved ones?

Question

I’ve been discussing an event that happened to me weekend before last and I’m realizing that people are far too careless with their personal safety, even women. I offered to walk a girl (who trusts me) to her car, and she declined. Earlier that day a girl in the exact area was assaulted and kidnapped. She ended up getting the guy caught, but had she not then the girl I offered to escort would have very likely fell victim herself since she walked past area that the sleazebag worked to get to her car. I asked two questions here and an overwhelming number of women told me that I should respect the girl’s desire to go alone. Of course I did in the end respect her wishes, but I do think that it was wrong of her to refuse me because she disregarded the importance of her personal safety to her family and loved ones, nevermind the importance of her safety to me. And only one person even NOTICED that I said ONE THING about her RESPONSIBILITY to keep herself safe. (more)

Are we so “me-centered” that we don’t care enough for our loved ones so we take our own safety for granted?

I think a lot of women today do not understand just how vulnerable they are. It IS true that it is HER responsibility to take care of herself, and not mine. It might be different if I was her husband (or even her boyfriend to a certain extent) but as a friend my rights were limited. This is true. But what I think is more important to this issue is that many women do not even THINK to CONSIDER how getting hurt can affects their loved ones. ARE we so me-centered that we forget about our loved ones? If I attempt to walk a girl to her car and she says “no”, and I respond by saying “have you considered how you getting hurt would affect your dear parents?” what kind of a reaction should I expect? Would she reconsider my offer, or be offended? Heh... or both?

And yes of course she usually does carry pepper spray and it's possible for a woman to beat up a man. But isn't it far more pleasant to walk with a friend to your car than to go through the stress of kicking someone's butt or macing him?

If any of you want to read the other questions about this event here are the links:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AjahJbaWQmrQUUZ3lWXIDT7sy6IX?qid=20070322102428AA14gLn
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Aj_eefkTFaDp0LJQt4NlV0jsy6IX?qid=20070323171126AAHmtJw

Missgigglebunny. I’m sorry I must have not been clear. (Dang 1000 character limits.) The girl I offered to escourt wasn’t assaulted, but she probably would have it another girl (who was assaulted) had not gotten the guy caught earlier that day.

Well, this question got screwed up pretty darn quick. I'm going to have to reask it a different way....
She doesn't have a responsibility to herself. nor to me. Don't you people read? I said so. She has a responsibility to her loved ones!

And NOBODY knew that there had been an assault earlier that day. We found out about it 5 days later. We were completely ignorant that a guy had been caught. But would you feel safer knowing that a rapist was caught in the parking area that you parked your car?

Oh and the guy who got caught was THE SECURITY GUARD.

Oh one more thing I'd like to add. After hearing about recent violences in the area, she now lets me escort her.

godless pagan: Biologically speaking, men are more disposable than women. Not that it excuses the question you asked but it’s true. We may be “enlightened” but inside we are still governed by our instincts. And instinctually we know this. It is more important for women to survive longer for our species. Argue that if you want, but even if it’s not true, so what? I’m asking the very question that you asked. Are WE (not just women) too careless with our safety? Are you going to answer the question?

noonecanne, I considered following her it would have seemed like I was stalking her and it would also have been disrespectful. Furthermore, if I did follow her (and the guy had not been caught) I would have seen her walk by the guard station. I would have witnessed the guard talk to her for a moment, then proceed to walk with her to her car. And I would have turned around. And she would have been raped.

Answer 1

its not just women who are taking risks with their lives. although women tend to do things that cause danger from others and men/boys tend to do things to endanger their own lives. women wear clothes that are way too revealing and skimpy and then wonder "why did that guy rape me?" well duh, stop dressing like a streetwalker. you can be sexy and be dressed. women have this belief that they have as many rights as men and that includes the right to think they are invincible. as for the guys, they do things like skateboarding down a pole, snowboarding down an almost vertical mountain, exploding things, and they dont think about how it effects the family if they get hurt or die. my daughter is 22, she is my only child and she takes risks with her life that she shouldnt. all we can do as parents is advise them, we cant force them to listen to us once they are over 13 or so. i have been snatched from a parking lot and raped, it was not my fault i know, but if someone had offered to walk me to my car i would have let them. on the other hand i do some things with my own life that could be taken as dangerous, like mountain climbing, or riding out hurricanes. its an adreniline rush thing. i'm over 40, ive lived long enough to earn the right to do what i want with my life. but as far as safety from another person i do take the proper precautions. i guess that comes with the wisdom of age. we all need to live and learn.

Answer 2

Not trying to be rude but u sure sound like u are blaming yourself for what happened. The only thing I can tell u is respect others, keep being a good person, what happened was not your fault. Life is full of random chances/decisions. One of the signs God isn't controling us is if u believe in the Christain God leaves us humans to muddle around on ourselves without his controling us. So all u can do is try your best in life and not focus on the problems that belong to others. Also remember u are not God. You couldn't have known with any power that this girl would've been kidnapped.
Good luck with your endevors and have a many more good days outnumbering the bad.

Answer 3

Well I've read and re-read this question and while I can understand the concern for her that you have as a friend, you simply have to accept that she did not want you to accompany her for whatever reason, be it friend, boyfriend, husband whichever you cannot control the decisions that other's make. What it sounds like to me is that perhaps you feel more for this girl than simply a friend and are offended and alittle wounded that she didn't look to you to be the hero...
As to the responsibility to keep herself safe. What makes you think that simply because you were along she would have been safe? You don't know how the "might have" scenerio would have played out, could be she would have had to save you....
Not being harsh, just my honest opinion....

Answer 4

Even if she did have trouble and you were there, what would you have done? Sure, you might be able to help her, but what if the guy has a gun? What about your safety?

And the way you say it, it's almost like it would have been inevitable for her to get taken by some guy. Your ego seems to be the problem here...not the girl's safety. With an attitude like you've portrayed here, you almost come across sounding like a stalker yourself. Tone it down, and respect peoples decisions. Everyone has to find their own comfort zone.

Take it easy, and best wishes.

Answer 5

first off, if you say: “have you considered how you getting hurt would affect your dear parents?” you can be assured to get a very annoyed response, as that is condescending.

and about her personal safety, she is responsible for it HERSELF--NOT YOU. another girl got the security guard caught, a FEMALE did that, by herself.

yes, walking with a friend is more pleasant, unless one wants to be alone, than having to mace someone. but getting attacked is not guaranteed when walking through a parking lot--in fact, a female is more often than not attacked by someone she KNOWS, not by a stranger. and MEN are attacked and killed even more often than women are, esp by a STRANGER. so what of your responsiblity to keep YOURSELF safe?

edit: i did answer the question. each person is responsible for *their own* safety. and like i said above, men are a LOT more likely than women to be attacked by a stranger & killed, so why are you ignoring THAT?

Answer 6

As a woman I understand that its important to be aware of the dangers -- however it is our choice to choose whether or not we can take care of ourselves -- the guy was caught -- she knew it -- therefore felt safe enough to walk alone. And by asking her if she needed someone there to protect her you are implying that she can't take care of herself which most women these days can. If I feel that I'm endanger I will avoid it -- however if I don't thats my problem it is noble that you offered and are concerned but more women in these days are more prepared then you think!

Answer 7

You are a wonderful person for trying to escort her. You could have watched from a distance to help ease your mind that she was safe. What about the guys? Do you ever offer to escort them? It is not only women who can be victims of violence. What about your personal safety? Do you think that your loved ones would not feel grief if you were killed while being so helpful? Male or female ... we can all be victims of violence and no one is bullet proof.

Answer 8

I think you are right when you say that women in general think we are safe and don't take enough responsibility for our own safety. That is what you are saying, isn't it? If someone offers to walk me to my car, I always accept, then offer to drive them back to where we started. (Men aren't really much safer). They usually accept my offer. But I do admit that I don't like asking people for favors, it makes me feel weak, which I'm not. And it has put me in bad situations a few times.

Answer 9

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Answer 10

That's why we have the Second Amendment. The more trained, armed people, the safer we all are. Women especially need to familiarize themselves with firearms. They need to know gun safety, and the legalities involving deadly force.