I'm a separated mother of 5 children who is madly in love with this man. He says that he has feelings for me, but he also says that he isn't ready for a relationship. He is currently going through a divorce and he feels that he shouldn't start another relationship so quickly. He has been honest with me in telling me that he wants to see me more, but he's afraid to see me with the fear that more feelings could grow deeper. We have had sexual relations a few times, but since the last time, I feel like he has pulled back. He did tell me that he don't want me to feel like he's using me. I just think about him all the time and I want to be with him, but I'm giving him all the time he needs. He just text me sometimes and calls me just to shoot the breeze, not talking about "us". Do I continue waiting for him till he's ready, or just give up before I get my heart broken again.
2007-03-26 06:21:57 · 18 answers · asked by Denise M 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
do as much as possible to fill your mind with thoughts that aren't of him. Fill yourself up with interests and don't give him your attention unless he asks for it. Continue to do this, and one of the following will happen:
- he'll forget about you, and your relationship will fade, (because he didn't want it that much anyway, or things have changed etc. in which case it wouldnt hav been a good relationship in the first place). Having your own interests and loving yourself will help you not feel so heartbroken about him.
- OR he may realise how much he needs you/wants you, and in this case (if you still want it) you can have a happy relationship, but you wont have been completely desperate coz uve been keeping your own stuff up!
- Or he'll tell you he doesnt want to keep it up. hearing this would be hard, but keeping up your own stuff will give you something to fall back on.
hope this helps.
2007-03-26 06:31:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you've brewed up a mix to get hurt again. He is still going through his divorce and you already have a family of 6 to yourself. It's not an easy situation for him to settle into and most people that are going through a divorce - it's the last thing that they need, including yourself, since you say you're also separated. He's been honest because he wants you to see what the "relation" is between you two clearly. You are there for comfort to each other with no promise of a real relationship. You two are friends that have slept together. It's not just his situation you have to worry about, it's yours too, so stop putting so much into it and try not to fall for guys like you're back in high school. This man might come around, but I doubt any time soon, so take it as it is.
2007-03-26 06:29:15 · answer #2 · answered by HappilyEverAfter 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would continue to be friends with him, but cut off sexual relations until he is ready for a relationship. You need to be strong there because you're at risk to getting too attached to an unstable man (actually it sounds as though you are already really attached). He's made it clear that he is emotionally unavailable. That doesn't mean that he's a bad person or that in the future you shouldn't have a relationship with him, but right now, he is not good for you. He can't be fully with you and he may not ever be ready to fully commit to you. The best thing for you to do now is to separate yourself from him, as hard as that is, and date other people. You shouldn't wait for him because he may never be ready. You will find someone to love, be patient and don't settle for someone who's not ready to be with you 100%!
2007-03-26 06:33:27 · answer #3 · answered by fleurhelp 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am going through a similar situation and people tell me not to talk to him and let him come after me, the problem is we are really good friend too and I really do love him. I am not sure of what is going to happen in the future but I do know right now I am not ready to give up completely so my advice is listen to your heart and take it one day at a time. If it is meant to be then it will work out, it might take time but you both have been through a lot. Take it slow, be there for him and let him know you care. Good luck. I know it is not easy. But we are doing well by talking to each other and being honest.
2007-03-26 06:27:17 · answer #4 · answered by Mandy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, if you are giving him the time that he needs, does that mean that he is out there dating other women while his heart is mending? If so, maybe you should do the same. Get out there and see if there is someone else that is not afraid of commitment, is not afraid to put themselves out there. Dating other men at the same time is one way to keep things light if you plan on waiting around for him. That way, he will have to decide if he wants to risk losing you to someone else. It does sound like he may be playing you though...either that or he's carrying around so much baggage that he may not be ready for a very long time. Do you really want to wait that long? All the best to you whatever your decision.
2007-03-26 06:30:54 · answer #5 · answered by moonie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're both still married. He's using you for convenient sex while making it clear he's not interested in a relationship and does not want to have feelings (other than sexual) for you. There is no "us" when a man says "he isn't ready for a relationship" AND "he shouldn't start another relationship so quickly." How nice he's honest while he's using you, eh?
2007-03-26 06:28:06 · answer #6 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be careful -- it sounds like he is NOT looking to be with just ONE person. And if he is already saying that he doesn't want you to feel used, he may start playing the field and he is just getting you ready for that. Don't put all of your feelings into this "relationship". He is not looking to be with only you. Have fun with him, but respect that he is just coming out of a one-woman relationship, as are you....with a man.
2007-03-26 06:27:36 · answer #7 · answered by rookie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From what I read, this man is going through so much, he will have a hard time being committed to you. He does not want to hurt you - you already have much on your plate with you children. And a divorce can last for a long time.
If I were you, i'd move on. Who knows, when all is ok on his side, you guys may meet again?!
But for now, not to get heart broken, don't wait for him. Keep yourself busy, meet other people.
Good luck.
2007-03-26 06:27:00 · answer #8 · answered by Shaana 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Back off - for your own good. He has told you he is not ready (or, just not into you that much). If you continue you will be disappointed in the end. FYI - Ive been single for 12 years. First rule is never, and I repeat NEVER get involved with someone newly single or still going through a divorce.
2007-03-26 06:27:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to move on. He's not ready for a serious relationship. Just keep him in the friend zone and find someone who will be excited about being with you.
2007-03-26 06:25:21 · answer #10 · answered by puppetmastersp99 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋