My stepchilds Mom is dying. She hasn't seen her child in 10 yrs. How do I find her or know if shes ill?

Question

My husband found out through SSI when they contacted us about survivors benifits. SSI wont tell us anything about her "illness" nor her address. We have no clue where Mom lives or how to contact any family members to get closer to her Moms location. WE think it is a good idea to have our child meet her Mom to build a relationship before it's to late or maybe even just to say good bye to mom if she is really ill.

We've searched online white pages and email addresses that have her name in it, but it has been a bust so far. Nothing has come from it.
Yes My stepdaughter does have intrest in meeting her mom. She has asked several times for people to describe what she looks like and what kind of a person she is as she (child) can't rememeber. We have not informed her that her Mom is dying. Personally we'd like to get in touch with Mom first to see if she is also intrested in reuniting with her daughter. Then we'd go from there.

Answer 1

Go on www.zabasearch.com almost everyone in the US is in there, you may just be able to find her that way and it is free. Pop in her name and all the states, you can figure out the right one by her birthday. Good luck to you and your stepdaughter, I hope she finds her mom. Put in all of the relatives names that you know of in their search box and you may just find someone who knows something.

Answer 2

I think it's important for her to see her mom, even if they haven't talked or seen each other in years. You can't force her, but she might regret it later. An 11 or 12 year old might not have a full understanding of what is going on, and may live to regret not seeing or having the chance to say goodbye to her mom when she's older. A gentle suggestion is a good idea. Try looking her up or getting in touch with a family member who might know where she is.

Answer 3

wow! that's very heartbreaking that the child doesnt know or see the mom for 10 years. is your step child strong enough for such a trauma to be remembered for the rest of his/her life? its not like going to disneyland or europe for a vacation, you know? I knew of a gal who's father died on her 13th birthday...for her birthday every year after that, her mom took her to visit her dad's grave. that's how her birthday was celebrated. :( some people do the strangest cruel things.
I actually think the image of a woman unseen for 10 years, possibly terribly ill or dying...is a traumatic thing to put on a person 'on purpose'. Take your stepchild on a fun memorable vacation instead. peace

Answer 4

if the child hasn't seen the mother in 10 years, she's already abandoned the child... the damage is done, i'd think.

i would not force the child to meet the mother. what does the child think? have you talked to him or her about this? or asked if they have any interest in meeting their mother?

if you can locate the mother (you can use white pages or other free look-up websites on line), ASK the child what they want to do before you contact the mother.

maybe the child has no interest? personally, i wouldn't.