Do you find this odd about how she did this see ? below?

Question

I had a close friend I knew for 9 years, When I got married I chose her as one of my bridesmaids, but when she met her boyfriend and then he became her fiance she started to withdraw from all her friends. When she got married she did not have any of her friends come to the reception except for 2 friends, we were invited to the church all of the friends myself included were basically excluded. She said she wanted a small wedding with not too much fanfare. She basically became a recluse and when she had twins I asked if she was having a christening and she said I cant invite anyone but family it is too expensive sorry. She used to be a very social person and then she drastically changed, I dont think this is normal behavior do you? It is basically like she shut out all her friends just to be married.

Answer 1

This happens all the time when people get married and I think as long as she is happy, then don't worry about it. When I got married, one of my girlfriends was upset because I was no longer getting together with her 4 times a week. She couldn't understand why that had to stop. Marriage is a great way to end friendships you no longer want to have, but aren't sure how to tell people to get lost...but once you have a spouse, you can always say you're busy. It sounds like she has moved on, you should too.

Answer 2

I experienced something similar with my best friend, whom i knew from high school, we went to unviersity together, and even worked at the same office. when she met the guy she married, she changed- which i thought was normal because she really wanted to meet someone to marry, so i understood that there would be some adjustments. but her attitude became very judgmental towards me and our other single friend, and it detriorated into something that eventually made us grow apart. i was her maid of honour at her wedding, but after that it was clear she had no use for any of us. recently we've sort of reconnected, but it's a strained relationship, and out of all our friends, i'm the only one who has talked to her. she knows she caused this, but she also seems to blame it on everyone else. with her, it was a case of excluding everyone who wasn't in her "set"... first she excluded me and the other close friend because we didn't live in the city and she had moved downtown, then she cut off some of us because we were single, then she excluded all those who didn't have kids, then she just hung out strictly with people from her cultural background, etc. It's very sad, but I think sometimes, people do it to themselves. i think now she wishes she could change things, but she caused too much resentment. Some of my friends blame her husband, but i think the blame falls on her completely- she's a grown up, and she could have made the decision to work on her friendships is she valued them. I can't blame the guy completely.

Answer 3

She may have a great relationship with her inlaws. I personally have a great relationship with my inlaws and my sisters are always teasing me about being with "my family" when I'm with them. My oldest sister got married 4 months before I did and she doesnt get along with her inlaws. Are you suspecting that her husband is not letting her speak to you guys. Maybe she just doesnt feel like you are the kinds of people that she needs to be around anymore. Not that you're bad people. I'm sure you are all great people, but maybe she feels like she's too mature for you guys or something. I know a few people that started acting this way after they got married.

Answer 4

Well, this does happen. Getting married and having a family changes things, and we have done the same - though of course not totally shut people out. Our family and our marriage comes first. Lots of times single friends don't understand, so it's hard.

Answer 5

This sounds similar to a friend I had for over 10 years. The guy was she ended up with (who she met through me, ironically!), turned out to be a total control freak. He made her change every single thing about the way she looked, who she saw & what she did. She did it cuz she was desperate to get married, have a kid & have someone support her (cuz she really was a golddigger at heart). Anyway, I know how you feel...I haven't spoken to her in years...mostly because I lost so much respect for her. She sold out for some nut cuz she was so desperate for a man. It's shameful. Try not to take it personally, it's her problem, not yours.

Answer 6

it could be a money issue- you could help out once in a while, pay for your own ticket...but she should've done something small with her close friends, anyway, you know? even hanging around the house talking is free- but it's worth everything.

try talking to her more, something could be wrong in her relationship and the guy doesn't want you and everyone else?

take it slow, and if she can't make the choice for herself, then i'm sorry to say that maybe this friendship might be over- it isn't healthy to put yourself in such a vulnerable situation where decisions are made above you.

Answer 7

Some men are like that and if she was fine before she met/married her man, it's probably something to do with him. He may not like any of you, and in order to keep harmony in the household she may do what he wants. Unfortunately there isn't anything you can do about it. She may see you and her other friends as people from her 'past' that have no bearing on her future with her family so she just sort of left all of you to twist in the wind. I hope she realizes what she's done before it's too late.

Answer 8

Yeah that does seem a little wierd. I almost wonder if her husband is trying to control her in some way. Maybe if you get a chance you can speak with her and voice your concern in a non judgemental way of course. Maybe if you had the $ and she was willing to accept, you could help fund an event in the future.

Answer 9

Maybe she has chosen to devote herself to her husband, her children, her extended family, and her husband's family.
Another option is her husband controls her and forbids her to socialise with her former friends.
Her actions do seems peculiar but I don't know all the facts.
I do see her point about keeping the guest lists small for her wedding reception and her children's christening. In fact I think she is very sensible about this.

Answer 10

Sometimes this happens, a person becomes so involved with their new family that old friendships can go by the wayside, that's life, people grow apart, let her know you will be there for her if she needs you, but you may have to accept that the friendship has run it's course.