Me and my girlfriend had been dating for over 2 years and we pretty much know we are going to get married and stuff, but we always have issues on how kids should be raised. Using my 4 year old sister were always in a disagreement on how to raise her. Specially during babysitting duties.
She believes in hiding a child from violence and all that stuff but I on the other hand have a different idea. I believe that its ok for kids to see some type of violence on tv. I dont condone it but if she happens to see it I explain to her that its wrong. My girlfriend thinks that its not the right way to approach it.
She kept telling me that when we have kids we are going to raise him or her her way. But I dont neccesarily agree. Will this become a major issue in the future?
2007-03-26 04:56:14 · 9 answers · asked by Flipstar 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Thanks, but I think some of you are taking it into an extreme. I am not sitting there allowing her to watch Saw or Scareface, just dont find it a big deal when she walks in and see spiderman webbing someone just like cartoon stuff.
Some of you are making me seem worst. I just think its something kids will run into by going to school and be exposed to society. I believe that by showing them whats right and wrong you are allowing them to understand the subject and understand why its wrong...
Not just because mommy and daddy said so!
2007-03-26 08:34:27 · update #1
You are smart to discuss this now. Yes, it will become a major issue - kids and money are the things most fought about. If you two can't come to an agreement now, it will be even harder after a child is born. I've seen many families split over disputes about the handling of the children.
Unfortunately, this is one of those things that can be a deal-breaker in the relationship. I hope you guys are able to come to a good compromise soon. Best wishes.
2007-03-26 05:24:06 · answer #1 · answered by ~Biz~ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Having differences in ones life-views (and this includes major things, like religious beliefs--not just issues such as what we think kids should be exposed to, and at what ages they should be exposed to it) is one of those insurmountable things that really SHOULD keep people from ever getting married--nevermind having kids together!--in the first place.
Unfortunately, it doesn't, and the end result is divorce, nasty custody battles, and bitterness all around...plus (very importantly!) emotional damage to the child or children in question.
I'm not going to tell you that you are right or that your GF is right when it comes to exposing kids to violent imagery. There are positive points that can be made for either viewpoint (see below).
But, in the larger picture, this is something that should raise alarms for you. DEFINITELY DO NOT make a permanent life-commitment to someone with whom you don't agree on basic philosophical issues--at least not without getting some competent couselling FIRST. I'm not saying that you should drop your GF. But I AM saying that you should not make a major life-commitment to her or have kids with her until you two have come to total agreement around lifestyle issues FIRST.
As to the actual issue that you've brought up:
On your side, I'd say that we live in a violent world, and the sooner that kids understand this, the better it is for their own personal safety. (You cannot take proper precautions if you don't know that you could be targeted.)
On your GF's side, I'd like to point out that it's been proven that exposure to violent imagery, over time, causes people to take a too-casual attitude toward violence--IOW, to become accepting of it.
So...try to consider both aspects of the problem and try to come up with a reasonable philosophical compromise--because this is an issue that is NOT going to "go away" by itself if you ignore it.
2007-03-26 05:18:58 · answer #2 · answered by Cyn 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You would be raising the child TOGETHER right? Your kid and your relationship will be messed up if you two are raising your child in two different ways. Buy your 4 y/o sister some books!! TV isn't really appropriate for little kids these days because of what you said...random gore or violence just pop up at any given moment.
2007-03-29 20:17:30 · answer #3 · answered by Joe B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
everyone has different opinions. my husband and I started out 6 years ago having our differences too in how we would raise our children, but over the years, and moreso now that I am 9 months pregnant, we have both changed our ideas about it all.
children are going to ask enough questions as they grow up and they are going to experience and see plenty of violence, wether it be in the sandbox at the park, or it be later on when they start school. I personally don't think its necessary for them to see it on t.v.
Television and internet helps the kids "grow up" too fast so to speak. Meaning, they arent grown up in the real sense of it all, but they think they are because they have been exposed to so many different types of things.
Once you get pregnant, things will change over those 9 months. You both will be able to find common ground on your beleifs. It will be a great expereince. So don't stress over it too much. Try to find ways to understand why your partner is disagreeing with your way of raising the child. In fact challenger her to tell you the negative points and positive points of the issue and have her to do the same with you. At least you will learn more about how each of you are thinking. And that makes it easier to find common ground.
2007-03-26 05:09:26 · answer #4 · answered by Deu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it will be a major issue. It won't just go away.
secondly, why expose a child to violence? Someone challenged a friend on homeschooling once by saying his kids needed to learn how to deal with bullies. My friend replied that yes, they do, but does that mean they need to be punched in the face at age six?
Kids will get exposed to violence during their lives as a natural course of events. We've had to explain rape and murder to our kids just from watching the news. There's no need to have them in the room during Law and Order Special Victims Unit.
I agree with your girlfriend, if you expose children to violence, they will get kind of numb to it.
2007-03-26 05:02:52 · answer #5 · answered by MithrilHawk 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it WILL become a major issue in the future. I suggest you read some books on child psychology BEFORE you set yourself on a course. Children are not mini-adults. Know what you are talking about BEFORE you two start arguing. You may find that after you each educate yourselves on the topic, you may not be so far apart.
2007-03-26 05:00:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not all couples agree be that they are married or not, all relationships will not be perfect; you just have to compromise. You two will be a great married couple!
2007-03-26 14:02:20 · answer #7 · answered by Ari's Mom 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will be a huge issue. Marriage and parenting is a partnership in all aspects, not "we will only do it MY way."
2007-03-26 05:44:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
should have discused tht before you 2 got so tight and yes it can and will destroy a relationship
2007-03-26 05:00:10 · answer #9 · answered by whateverbabe 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋