my boyfriend's family can be so mean to him!?

Question

My boyfriend and I (who live together) often go out with his family for dinner. I love his family, they are really fun, sweet and they love having me around. But every time we go out, they command him to run around and wait on them instead of sitting down and having a relaxing dinner with the family. He has to carry his sisters baby and all of her bags. He has to run around the restaurant for his mom, getting her menus or another fork or whatever she can think of. Once, we went out and his niece lost her shoe and they told him to go out and find it. he looked for about 15 min and then they found it in her diaper bag! He spends half of the evening catering to them. I wish I could say something but its not my place. Ive been thinking of just staying home so I dont have to watch it if he cant stand up against them. It hurts to see someone I love treated like that and its stupid that it bothers him and he wont fight back. Am I being crazy or am I right in feeling this way? What should I do

Answer 1

Stop going out with his family to McDonald's.

Answer 2

I know what you mean...the same exact thing happens when i go with my boyfriend and his family to dinner. I confronted him about it and he said that it is just so much less of a hassle to just help them out than it is to just say no, and it makes him seem like a good person...but if he didn't carry bags for his sister or something, that would make him seem like an a**...My advice...just try not to let it get to you just be thankful that he is such a helpful person. Admire that he is kind enough to carry her bags even though he should be having a good time...Is it really worth starting a fight with him about? no it really should just be between him and his family...you don't want to get caught in the middle and cause some big Drama because i'm sure if it does bother him he feels bad about it and about not confronting them...but to know that it bothers you too might just make him feel worse and trapped because he wouldn't want to upset you on purpose, or seem like an a** to his family.-Good luck

Answer 3

You are right to feel the way that you do. Have you talked to him about how the situation makes you feel and if you have what does he say about it? You could try and stay home, but don't push him away because of his family. What you really need to do, and what I would do depending on how he feels about it, is stand up for him. Let them know how you feel about what they are saying and doing, but again you should talk this over with him before it turns out to be a family fight. Good Luck.

Answer 4

tough one...it's always hard to stand up to family. Look he has to realize that this isn't good for anyone, i mean, one day if or when you both get married what about that? A married man should not have to wait hand and foot on his family, he has a family of his own to worry about, so he needs to start standing up right now. I think he should start by standing up, say no one time, let the reaction sink in and then go from there. his family is so used to him following through that they wont know what to think when he first says "get so-and-so to do it" catching them off guard will help him understand that he IS the one in control, he just doesn't know it. But he HAS to make that first move.

Answer 5

If he is having trouble saying something to his parents, then you should sit down with him at home and talk this out so that he can have a good idea of what he should say. Maybe he just can't put his thoughts together to say that right thing.

But if he doesn't want to say anything then you guys should both stop going out with his family and then they will hopefully get the hint, when you guys aren't around as much, as to why you won't hang out with them anymore. It can be tough for him since it is family...

Answer 6

I completely comprehend the position you're coming from. I were in the same situation. What I did became profess my love for him and became overly affectionate. i became extraordinarily formidable about it. his kinfolk could question me to do issues and that i could say no and form of have a bi**chy attitude. I really treated them the way they treated me. What became extraordinary is after a at the same time as they considered that i could provide a rats a** and they sponsored off. there is not any reason you should sense intimidated by technique of such ineffective human beings. do not agonize my pricey because Karma will in time avenge the region.

Answer 7

He sounds like a sweetheart too me and like he was raised great. How a man treats the women in his family is a great sign of how he will treat his girlfriends and wife. And you know how many women would like to be so accepted by thier significant others family.

No family is perfect but this one finds very loving and accepting. No man is perfect but if this is his worst quality, well you need to hold on tight and get ready to be treated like a queen!!!

Oh you didnt ask this, dont live together, get married!!!!

Answer 8

i r u in feeling this way. but it is also like one of those respect the elder's thing. however, from what u have described it does seems that they r using ur bf too much as a slave. i think u should just let it be and one day if u r sure that they r using him as a slave more than an respect ur elders thing then u should start hinting them about it and if they still do it u should just directly tell them about it but be nice. my family tells the kids to do stuff for them also, but its not like how u discribed so i think they r a lil too much!

Answer 9

WOW! You have every right to feel bad and you are not crazy...my boyfriends family does almost the same thing to him and I always try to tell him to stand up for himself and speak up but like you said it's not you, or my, place....When you two are alone keep insisting to him though that he should stand up for himself. He's not a little kid that can be talked to like that. I'm sure he loves his family very much though, but still...his family doesnt realize what they are doing to him and the relationship with them! Speak up to your man, but keep loving his family. Just because you love them doesnt mean you have to agree with everything they do though! Good luck hun!

Answer 10

All of the relatives you cited in your question are female. Many families, mine and my husband's included, think that it is a desirable trait for males to treat women well, carry things for them, open doors, get things for older family members or women caring for children, etc. Does he do these things for you also? If so, you have landed the rare bird called the "gentleman", be happy.

Answer 11

You are feeling bad because you are assuming that he does not like being treated like this my his family. Have you spoken to him about this? You may realise that he actually loves doing all those things. As long as he is cool and they are good with you I don't see any reason why you are complaining. Live and let live.