What should we be teaching our daughters?

Question

about dating in today's world?
Should she pay her own way to avoid the mindset of "owing" something to her date? [Not that I believe it, mind you, but the mindset does exist, and I want my kids to be prepared when they encounter it.]
What is the purpose of dating for the under 21 crowd?

Answer 1

Dating in the teens is a normal part of growing up, learning about human relationships, discovering romance and yes sexuality (not necessarily sex).

I would teach my daughter that both people should be prepared to pay on the date, but that it is okay for one person to treat the other person. If one person consistently treats the other person, that's fine too, but it should not be perceived as payment for anything. The other person who does not pay as often can contribute to the relationship in many other ways.

Answer 2

i have advised my daughter who will be 18 soon, and in the past couple has been dating a guy for the first time, to always be prepared financially, when she goes on a date, although i believe that the guy should pay (and he always has so far), you never know what teenagers today think. there is nothing wrong either way,, maybe he could pay 1 time and she the next. the most important thing to me is that she doesnt feel dependent on him to do that, she (and he), should always know that regardless, she can take care of things too. the purpose, socialization perhaps, you remember that first love feeling, even though as we get older, we realize that it really wasnt love at all.

Answer 3

Hi! I think today's girls should definitely be raised to see dating and relationships as opportunities for love and companionship rather than as a future meal ticket. Back in the day, women were encouraged to marry well so they could be supported, but today women are able to enjoy careers as well as married life. I think the notion of the guy always having to pay stems from the archaic belief that women need to be cared for by their male protector. On the other hand, I certainly am not one to balk at my boyfriend wanting to pay for my movie ticket- I just compromise by offering to pick up the snacks or something while we're there. I think equality is very important, and you should also stress to your daughter that if a young man really wants to pay your way for the date, you don't owe him anything because he is paying for the pleasure of your company, and "your presence is his present." If a young man expects anything more than sparkling conversation and a pleasant bonding experience for ponying up for a movie and some treats, then the girl should know not to call him up again.
As for dating in the under-21 set, in my personal experience it seemed to serve as an excellent experimental lab for what not to do in an adult relationship. When people under 21 date, they are normally not looking for a lifelong partner- they are just trying to make some sense of the mysterious opposite sex, and learning through trial and error which types of people are most compatible with themselves.

Answer 4

I think dating for younger kids isn't the same. I plan on teaching my girl about recognizing good qualities in a person rather than who should or should not pay. I'm old fashioned, I want her to know that she doesn't have to fit the feminism mindset, yet she doesn't have to conform to the standard that society has set for dating. She will know that if she chooses to pay, its her choice, but if she doesn't feel like paying, then she needs to discuss that with the person she is dating ahead of time that way its made very clear before the date even happens what is going to happen when it comes time to pay for somthing. If you teach her right, she will be strong enough to know she doesn't "owe" anything to her date even if he pays for everything. :) I think you probably will accomplish that with ease.

Answer 5

You know you your daughter best.

No matter what or where she goes she should always have the means to pay her way, it is common sense. She should never expect or think it’s the man’s responsibility to pay. They are dating not in a relationship.

The main thing you should be teaching your daughter is to be independent learning how to be responsible for herself, and how to financially survive.

Dating, being in love, having a crush are all part of life, but in the long term things are getting harder and harder financially, and with the world’s morals depleting, it is rare to find young men (and women) that are raised to be hardworking and have the mentality of what being a good husband/wife, and father/mother entails.

If your daughter is truly old enough to date and responsible then you wouldn’t even need to have the conversation about who pays with her.

Ultimately when she grows up and gets married the last thing that matters is who is paying for dinner – but collectively learning how to work as a team - you work together financially, emotionally, and eventually as parents. You learn to appreciate instead of expect when your spouse does the little things.


Good Luck

Answer 6

I think that you should have them be prepared to pay in case the boy was not raised proper in the fact that if he asked he should pay. The purpose of dating under 21 is to meet people and to "practice" for when it is time to start looking for a spouse. I plan on doing this with my daughter and my son will know that he needs to pay for a girl when he takes her on a date, it is the gentlemen thing to do.

Answer 7

Let me answer your questions in backward order. The purpose of dating for the under 21 crowd is to develop interpersonal skills and social skills with the opposite sex.

I want my girls to understand that the boy is not the be all or end all of their existence. They should work hard to maintain their same sex friendships and not expect the boy to be there whole social life.

I want them to watch out for signs of a guy being potentially abusive. For example, if he tries to isolate her from her friends and family, if he tries to control what she does by emotional manipulation. This is the guy to dump immediately.

I want them to be strong enough in themselves to see dating as something to augment their already full lives and to not take it so seriously until they are in a position to start making decisions about marriage and family and/or career.

Now, any ideas on how I do that?

Answer 8

THEY SHOULDN'T BE DATING TIL THEY ARE 30

Answer 9

To find a mate.