Selfish bridesmaid?? What to do or say??

Question

I have a bridesmaids who is getting on my nerves. She is a really good friend from high school- so that's about 13 years ago for us. She is being such a pain in my ***. I know about my shower because of her. She had the nerve to tell my mother that she shouldn't be involved in my shower because that's not how it's "traditionally" done. Mean while she is rushing to get married before me on 7/7/07 then going to have a formal church wedding and reception on 12/??/08. So she is blowing all this money to fly to Las Vegas to get married but then trying to figure out ways of not feeding my guest for my shower because she doesn't have the money?? My mom was soo upset she told me and I had to call her and tell her we have to have a meal. Having a meal is a big tradition for us at a shower. My friend was actually trying to plan my shower at a time so she could get out of feeding people a lunch!!!
So now she calls me up today and tells me she is going to spend the $1,500 married in LV!?

She paying $1,500 to get married in last vegas and then going to have a church wedding and reception later....
My thing is she is blowing $1,500 to get married on 7/7/07 then spending the money to have a big formal church wedding and reception but is fighting with all my other bridemaids and mother about actually having to serve food at my shower. She doesn't want to spend the money to feed people at the my shower.

Answer 1

An old friend does not really constitute a good friend. Personally, she seems to be passive agressively trying to ensure her wedding is better than yours. I couldn't tell you why. Some people are just "that way", very egocentric and self centered. Assuming she knows about the ins and outs of showers (hence the remark to your mom about throwing a shower) then she should also know that would also be tacky not to serve food at the shower. And if she is complaining this much now...I cringe at the thought of the other potential disasters she could inflict out of either not paying attention or even subtle malice. This is your day, and not hers, and...just based on what I have read here, I could almost guarantee some sort of drama on your big day, ad the days leading up to it.

I think you should sit down with her somewhere, and say "Listen honey, I understand you are stressed and I can imagine you are feeling a bit frazzled. If this is getting to be too much for you, why don't you let one of the other girls take over, or you can drop my wedding to concentrate on your own? It won't hurt my feelings at all and it might alleviate some emotional and financial pressure off of you." If she insists on keeping her birdesmaid title, then you might have to be gentle but firm with her and set a few boundaries. If you have already had it with her, you can be tactful and graceful, but let her know that her assistance is no longer required.

Answer 2

I wouldn't worry about her wedding plans. Regardless if she was blowing money like that or not, you just don't have a shower of any kind for someone and serve food. I would tell her that if she can't act right and give you the shower to deserve then you don't want her to give you one at all. It might make you sound a little selfish but really your not just thinking of yourself here. What about all the people who come to your shower and skip lunch before hand thinking that they are going to eat there. I know I wouldn't eat before going to a shower. A shower isn't a shower without food. Just tell her that you don't want her to plan it. Let one of your other bridesmaids do it. If they can't, have a cousin or another friend do it. It really isn't traditionally right for your mother to do it but she can help and she didn't have to hurt your mothers feels telling her that. I had to tell my mom that she couldn't throw my sisters baby shower for the same reason. But I didn't hurt her feelings doing it and she did bring a little food to it in the end. Me and my cousin gave the shower. Good Luck! I hope it all works out for you!

Answer 3

When it comes to things like that, it's unfair to you or your mother. She's just a friend, yes a good friend but a friend none the less and this isnt her wedding. She knows that when it comes to having a shower you have to feed your guests you can't just have them show up give gifts and leave. That's not how it works. It seems that she's being selfish and trying to do things that are going to upset you. There is no reason she should be rushing to beat you to the alter, it seems to me that she's trying to out do you or something. With her regular wedding being over a year away, there is no reason that she needs to be doing this to you.
If she is stressing you out so much about this, either sit down and talk to her or explain to her that with the stress she's doing and upsetting you and your own mother maybe she shouldn't be in the wedding.
Good Luck

Answer 4

If she replaced into general previously and in contact approximately such issues now, i contemplate whether her husband is an rather controlling guy or woman. From what you have defined, he's. do not exchange something you're doing. in basic terms clarify to her that it's not meant as a delicate to her husband, inspite of the undeniable fact that it rather is particularly considerable on your fiance that he have his brothers and closest acquaintances with him, and you help him in that. on the grounds which you're having a sweetheart table, she'll be sitting with him on the reception, appropriate? If her husband maintains making a huge deal approximately this, it rather is his undertaking. i might evaluate dropping the arm in arm requirement or have her walk out with the flower woman and ring bearer or some thing like that. If she's easily uncomfortable with touching and being touched by way of yet another guy, which could be accommodated, appropriate? EDIT: in case you offered her the alternative of not touching and he or she stumbled on an excuse to say no this, then you definitely're doing the spectacular factor by way of telling her she desires to % however if she nevertheless desires to be a bridesmaid, or she desires to take a seat along with her husband. i'm not getting the undertaking with the lover table. it rather is in basic terms a table for 2, appropriate? in case you and your husband have a sweetheart table, then the bridal occasion is at various of widely used customer tables with their companions/households -- appropriate? So the reception must be no massive deal. Or does sweetheart table not advise an identical component to you that it does to me?

Answer 5

Wow, she doesn't sound like a very good friend. She agreed to be your bridesmaid and with it comes responsibilities. She sounds very competitive and selfish and not caring about your needs. If she is more concerned with rushing to get married before you and shirking her responsibilites for your shower, she is beyond the reasoning stage and I would just tell her to "have a nice life" and be done with her. This should be a happy time for you and you don't need any additional stress from her. Sorry that happened to you.

Answer 6

That's outrageous. She's no friend & very selfish. I've never even heard of a shower w/o a meal being served...especially at a hall, restaurant or some other public venue.

Answer 7

Ok - I am a certified wedding planner and here is my opinion.

First of all it is tacky for you mom to be involved in planning any part of your shower. It is as bad as if you were throwing it for yourself.

As for your friend she sould really out to lunch. If she can't afford to throw you a proper shower then she should let someone else host it.

Like another friend or an aunt or cousin.

Answer 8

What is that last sentence saying? What $1,500? I'll check back.