My boyfriend and I have been together for 3+ years and we have not done much together as far as going out of town, out to eat to nice restaurants, concerts, etc. This is not because he does not want to, but simply because he can not afford it. He's not a loser; he does work and has a great job that he just started. However, he has a lot of debt that he trying to get under control. I do pay for a lot of things in our relationship and also offered to pay for half with the extra stuff that I want us to do together. But this does not fix the problem because he simply can not afford doing extra things. He's done a lot of the small things that every women wants like flowers, cooking etc. But we are almost 30 and I want to get out and enjoy life with him. He's working hard at his job to try to bring in extra income. Sometimes I feel like I'm being impatient and sometimes I feel like he should sacrifice more. What do you think? Am I wrong for these feelings?
2007-03-26 03:41:34 · 19 answers · asked by roxie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I know the feeling, I am having the same situation with my bf. I really cannot say.
2007-03-26 03:47:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm in the same boat with my boyfriend. We are also in our early 30s. He has child support and is catching up on some bills that he just didn't pay. I hope in the future we are able to venture out and enjoy life a little more but I am patient with it now. We do things that are inexpensive that you could do too. We plan on having a picnic in a nice, relaxing place like the mountains or the park. we like going to the movies, window shopping,running and working out together at home, playing video games, and just hanging out with each other.....I know that someday the two of you will be able to enjoy outings together...just be patient and try to make the best of what you can do together. Don't let money get in the way of a great relationship, get creative and learn how to have fun without it!! Good luck!
2007-03-26 03:56:22 · answer #2 · answered by ~MEEEOW~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing wrong w/ wanting more out of life or ur relationship. I do think that if u have man that can't do certain materialistic things for u, and does nothing to compensate for it, then ther's nothing wrong @ all w/ letting him know "hey, I need more from US!", but here u are saying he DOES the little thing us women complain the most about not getting, & ur still not content? I am not trying to offend u, but try this...remember this 1 guy u were w/ (or a friend was w/) & he never wanted to take u out and on top of that, had no attention to detail for the little stuff? Which do u prefer? A lot of women would kill to have a man that TRIES! Good luck! :)
2007-03-26 04:09:05 · answer #3 · answered by yami 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't need money to go out and do things. Think creatively, there are alot of things you can do and go to for less than 5$......You might be amazed, to find you have more fun on the things that cost nothing.
Visit local museums
art galleries (many have free exhibitions, with cheese and crackers)
have a Pickwick,
go to school theater events (most are open to the public and cost about 3$)
visit a playground at 2-3 in the morning, and just hang out and have fun
go for a walk
go window shopping
rent a movie (most video stores have great deals on Tuesdays)
These are just a few ideas, there are alot more out there. They don't cost alot, and you will find that spending more quality time, you will get the "want more" feeling satisfied that you have.
2007-03-26 03:57:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I feel like if he's the good man that you say that he is you shouldn't be so dang selfish and impatient with how things are going. He is after all good to you and he is caring and loving to you and with you.
You need to make up your mind do you want some one who is not nice and can give you all kinds of things, instant gratification or do you want a good man who may be struggling to get ahead. But he will stay the course with you all the way and believe me he will get there with or with out you.
Don't lead this man around and make him think that your not going to be there with and for him if your not going to be able to do it. He sounds as though he is very motivated to be a good man who is a hard workier and is also loving to boot.
It sounds like you have your head up your backside. Here you have what most women are looking for and even dreaming of having. That some one special who is not only loving but also a hard worker on top of it. He will make his mark in this world with or with out you.
Really what more would you expect him to sacrifice for you? Maybe he shouldn't eat or he should just skip paying his bills, what would you have this man sacrifice for you just so that you can satisfy your own selfish self. Because you are behaving like a spoiled selfish little girl when you say that you feel that he should make more sacrifices for you.
Grow up! Maybe he needs to be with some one who will love him for the man that he is, the man that is working towards a goal and attempting to be the most loving kind hearted person that he can be. All while he is stuck with a selfish brat who would demand he should sacrifice more.
2007-03-26 04:05:30 · answer #5 · answered by Cindy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it is wrong for you to want more, but if you know he's having trouble with debt you need to be more patient.
Why don't you talk to him about making plans for some kind of special weekend? Maybe take a little bit of money from each of your paychecks every week or two weeks (whenever you get paid) & put it aside to put into a vacation "fund" for the two of you to spend a weekend away from the drudgery of your every day lives.
p.s. I agree with Therese above... you don't have to go out to expensive places to have a good time.
And the one above me..... Hannah whoever.... I think that answer was a bit too drastic. I mean, he has the means to live his life with you.... You're not supporting him he's supporting himself..... If you've been together this long there is obviously something going right in your relationship. You've got your whole lives ahead of you to go out & explore the world. Let him get back on his feet financially so it doesn't put you into a deeper hole if/when you get married.
2007-03-26 03:48:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, you're being impatient. Life doesn't end at 30.
There are also a lot of great things a couple can do for free, and they can make better memories than the fancy stuff.
2007-03-26 04:03:53 · answer #7 · answered by joe b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
... You're not wrong in wanting to have fun, roxie, but you know your boyfriend can't afford to splurge on concerts, fancy dinners, etc., so your being patient is the correct choice (if you really want to keep him). Just one concert can cost upwards over $100.00, which might be more than he can spare out of a weekly paycheck. Be proud that he's being a mature man, paying off debt before splurging on 'fun', and enjoy the flowers and dinners, and the fact that he wants to give you more - good luck! :) ...
2007-03-26 03:52:23 · answer #8 · answered by CynAnne 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He's trying to do something very important for BOTH your futures together. If he gets out of debt, it will make both your lives easier, not to mention if you chose to get married, you won't have to help pay for his debts. He got himself into debt, and now he's getting himself out of it, even if it's slowly and takes time. What he's doing is very responsible and very grown-up. By asking him to spend money, you're actually hindering him.
I'm sure he would love to do those things, but he's right in wanting to save his money. And he's right in not wanting you to pay for his things. Cut him some slack. He's working hard.
If you really want to go somewhere with him, why not plan a nice cheap backpacking trip somewhere near you for a weekend. Go camping or find a cheap RV to rent. You don't need to go all out, but if you give him time to plan and budget for a small trip somewhere, you'll probably get what you want more.
2007-03-26 03:50:59 · answer #9 · answered by mikah_smiles 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
no. you're not wrong. i've gone thru the same with a bf the same age. at our age we want to go out, travel & socialize. hard to be with a broke guy. but bottom line tho, at least he tries, even if you do have to pay half. and if the rest of the relationship is going really well, that's no reason to end it. maybe you're having doubts about the relationship in general. maybe you realize that if you want to get married, you will have to give up a lot (financially) if you marry him. it's hard to accept that some guys will never have enough $ to take us where we'd like to go or do the things we want to do. you may just be at a different place in your life. you may not want to be with a guy who is "just starting out" at age 30. good luck. he does sound like a nice guy tho.
2007-03-26 03:47:37 · answer #10 · answered by RedDevyl 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I guess we shouldn't be grumbling over a penny of cents. Give your love unconditionally. Be contented with what you have and cherish the good times together. We always have a choice in life. You're looking for a lifelong partner and should know what suits you best.
2007-03-26 04:05:15 · answer #11 · answered by LucKY 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋