So im in a relationship and have been for about 2 months. I know he loves me really but i dont (if that makes sense). I know he does but i cant beleive it in myself. I am always totally paranoid that if he doesnt text me bak straight away or if hes doesnt put "love you" at the end of each message that he hates me. And im always upset if he doesnt see me for a few days. Even if he is tired or has college work to do. I feel a need to be with him all the time to feel loved. I am going to end up messing this up if i dont stop being like this and i really want it to work bcuz i really love him. He wouldnt be with me if he didnt love me would he? Why do i feel the constant need to hear it all the time? Please someone help me. I should be happy with what i have got, why do i always want more? Hes such a great guy and he treats me nice and loves and respects me. We see each other about 4 nights a week. This is enough isnt it?
PLEASE HELP ME!!
2007-03-26 02:49:05 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
Also how do i stop feeling this way!
2007-03-26 02:55:16 · update #1
You already 'know' it's you that's filled with the insecurity! That's a good start to working on what's really bugging you. It all stems from your childhood. You probably didn't feel loved no matter how much your parents had done for you.
You need to begin to do things yourself that will build yourself up. Your bf can only do and say things to you on his terms, not on yours. And you know he's doing that. You need to do things for yourself that you will soon build that will be what will keep you liking yourself. It will take a long time to develop a healthy self-love, not a clingy kind of love. You won't like yourself doing that to your bf. He will surely get tired in time too!
Say affirmative things about yourself whenever you can, even if in the beginning, you don't 'feel loved'. Meanwhile, you'd need to grieve over a lost childhood - that of feeling unloved.
Finding yourself is the best gift you give yourself. You're doing a great job here by acknowledging your problem.
You are worth it, gal!
2007-03-26 03:54:13 · answer #1 · answered by thru a glass darkly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you are feeling is not unusual. I know a lot of clingy people. You don't trust yourself or your boyfriend. You need constant reassure of his love because you don't feel worthy. I know it sounds cliche but you have to love yourself before you can love someone else. What is it in your past that makes you insecure? With the help of a counseler you can ask yourself these types questions and help you figure out what's going on. Focus on yourself and if he loves you he'll stick around. If not, you will have grown as a person and will be more confident. Good luck.
2007-03-26 10:06:59 · answer #2 · answered by alikilee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a self-esteem problem. It seems you believe that you are not worthy of being loved and taken care of. Beware, because this attitude might send him away. From what you say he is a nice, loving guy. It doesn't matter you don't meet every day. 4 night a week is sufficient time together. Don't push him, don't nag.... people suffocate, you know. Relax, believe in yourself, it is sure that he wouldn't stay with you if he wouldn't love you. Enjoy this affair and be happy with whatever true he gives you and ignore your expectations which are not realistic.
Have fun, have a good time with him and yourself.
2007-03-26 10:01:20 · answer #3 · answered by Alice in Wonderbra 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Scarlet,
Yes you are right, you will mess this up should this needy behaviour continue.... Truth is, we never truly "know" within ourselves if another being really loves us... its like a bit about trust. Its a bit like loving unconditionally. Its and act we choose to do but selflessly. i know - Tall order - and i don't claim to have achieved this, i am with you though and i know we need to love like that...without knowing if we are loved right back. I would suggest see somebody about the "needy" feelings you experioencing and get to the root of that. I dont want to assume you have a problem, i just think it helped for me in the past and i am a little bit better. *wink*
2007-03-26 10:09:15 · answer #4 · answered by www.hosting-webdesign.co.za 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you need to back off and give him some space, or you will lose him forever. Find something to take your mind off of him, a sport, sewing, whatever....just SOMETHING.....and yes, seeing each other 4 nights a week is plenty. Seriously, you don't want to become a stalker do you?
2007-03-26 10:05:42 · answer #5 · answered by rocketgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should read about co dependence. This is where you need someone elses love and approval in order to feel good about yourself. It is a very unhealthy condition and usually ruins relationships.
2007-03-26 09:53:37 · answer #6 · answered by exiletheking 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe find some other interest so u can stop obsessing over him. Read some self-help books on co-dependency and stop the fixation or u will lose him. Every human needs their space at times.
2007-03-26 10:02:03 · answer #7 · answered by luminous 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seriously need to relax! yourgoing to drive him away!
2007-03-26 10:09:51 · answer #8 · answered by Girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need help go to a counselor or sexologist anyone who can help you before you mess things up with you lover.
2007-03-26 09:59:13 · answer #9 · answered by Lonie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmmmmmm...really cool ...see i think dis is 1st time n starting time...its really looks so funny to see these alteration ...but i suppose its gud n thins comes normal within few time....allow it all n see life in another view..
2007-03-26 09:59:03 · answer #10 · answered by pawan k 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋