Can I have your opinion please?

Question

Am I wrong? Am I the one who is making the mistake of losing someone over something dumb?
Am I wrong for feeling this way?
My boyfriend smoked pot when I met him. I also smoked awhile ago when I met him(about 3 years ago). I only smoked for about 3 months and then quit completely. It has been 3 years of me and my bf being together and I can't stand him smoking anymore. When I smoked I use to do it for fun. He says he smokes so he is calm and can just chill. He does smoke like 3 times a day. but only alittle at a time just to calm him down. I just feel like he should not have to smoke when I hang out with him. I try to make him feel comfortable and just feel like I don't make him feel good enough and he needs a drug. When I went over his house last night, after a hour of me being there he asked me to drive him to get some weed. I was only staying for 3 hours. We fought about it, He said he just wanted to be relaxed while I was there....wtf, he was not smoking when he was alone.. I came there to make him feel better. we only chill like twice a week.

Additional Details

9 minutes ago
We ended up breaking up. Am I wrong for flipping out over him smoking? I just can't take the smell..him acting high and stupid...What if we had kids and they saw him smoking.. I don't know..

I have been nagging him about the pot for awhile now..it is annoying ..he has to smoke before we go to the movies..on all long rides.. ZI hate it.

Answer 1

No, you were not wrong in voicing your feelings. After almost 3 years, I think that you went above and beyond tolerating something you obviously feel strongly about. If your boyfriend could not quit smoking pot for you, then you were not his top priority. You were smart to have considered the ramifications of his substance abuse. Your exactly correct, what if he just continued to abuse pot? What kind of examples would he set, down the road? His problem is not trivial., you deserve to have a relationship where you are number 1, in your guy's life. Again, you did what is best, so don't second guess yourself, stick to your decision, you will be much happier.

Answer 2

You weren't wrong to break up with him. He could have just as easily have been addicted to alcohol and you would have the same misgivings about being with someone who had to drink 3 times a day to calm down.
It's hard to be around someone and relate to them when they are high (some people don't act stupid and hide it pretty well, but it's like alcohol that way too - you just need it to function after awhile and it sounds like that's the case with him.)
Be strong. Now that you've broken up with him, stay broken up with him. He's going to have a hard time giving up pot and he'll try to hide it from you since it's such a big issue between you.

Answer 3

OMG!!!! ARE YOU SERIOUS???? He told you that he just wants to go get it so he can be calm when hes with you ... if thats the case then what is he saying that you make him nervous, put him on edge??? honey, if he cant even spare 5 or 6 hours a week with you enjoying your company and respecting your wishes, then that is 5 or 6 hours you could be spending getting to know someone who doesnt smoke and respects you more as a person.. hes using you and doesnt respect you worth nothing... let him go... you will be much happier and less stressed without him... good luck

Answer 4

For me that's very simple:

I can't bring myself to being convinced that he cares for you if his selfish wish for drugs are more important that your well being.

I I love someone, I do anythign it takes to make her feel good, and if she asked me to quit smoking pot, I would.

No, you are not over the top, I think how have been very reasonable and patient and now it's time to leave the chap where he -apparently- prefers to be: Smoking pot rather than spendign quality time with you.

Answer 5

no u r not wrong. He's a pot head
I have a sister that has health problems, she smokes weed but even 1 of her Dr.'s told her to keep doing this...to keep food down in her stomach.

Answer 6

It's a good thing that you broke up. You first need to stop blaming yourself for his problem. He is the one with a drug addiction. It has nothing to do with you. You can't love him enough or care for him enough to make him stop because it's not your problem, it's his.
Cut your ties and move on. You have standards so stick to them.

Answer 7

Just another thought....

If your boyfriend thought it was cool to jump in front of a moving freight train....WOULD YOU DO THIS IN ORDER TO PLEASE HIM?

The biggest mistake women AND men have a tendency to make is putting aside their own values and beliefs in order to please a partner.

Not only is this DUMB....but they start to believe that the values and morals they were taught...are secondary to someone elses! How do you feel about totally losing your objectivity, ability to reason or make a judgement call?

While you can't expect others to adapt to your standards and beliefs...it's foolish to "give in to their desires" if you know (DEEP DOWN INSIDE YOUR HEART) that what they wish to do is wrong...or makes you uncomfortable?

Answer 8

It sound like you doing the right thing. If you don't a life of looking over your back for the law. Find yourself another man.

Answer 9

He is a pothead. It's almost like being an alcoholic. He has to have it every day.

You did the best thing to break up with him.

Answer 10

My ex husband was like that,the thing is if you met him like that he will never change no matter if he bend on knees.You did right,also he doesn't seem like he wants to quit either.