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so heres the story my ex (well call him smith) dated for 3 years and fought alot he cheated and lied but i gave him another chance he was also abusive but still i said its ok honey. i tried to overlook him telling me what to wear who to be friends with and how to act but i couldnt take it so we broke up. we then got back together 2 days later with the promise it would stop. well it didnt and he got mad about amonth after and punched me in the face. its almost been 4 months since we broke up and i cant get him off my mind. i have a boyfriend (james) that loves me to death and i think i love him but im not sure. James is a real sweetheart. what should i do? break up with james the sweetheart to go back with Smith or should i stay with James and try to forget about Smith.

2007-03-26 01:39:27 · 13 answers · asked by xxtexasbrunettexx 1 in Family & Relationships Singles & Dating

13 answers

He must have knocked all the smart out of you, girlfriend.

Who in their RIGHT MIND goes back to someone who cheats, hits and abuses?

Hmmm....let's see:

Someone who LOVES YOU

vs

Someone who PUNCHES YOU

I don't think you need to be Einstein to figure this out.

2007-03-26 01:54:54 · answer #1 · answered by elidet_reyes 3 · 0 0

You answered your own question when you described your ex. Why would you want to go back to him? I made the mistake and thought I still had feelings for an ex, I put aside the fact that we fought and she was always looking at her ex's. I got trapped in another bad situation again, but I did get out. Unfortunately I hurt someone else along the way. Your ex isn't worth it and it sounds like James is a good person why would you want to hurt him and yourself for someone who abused you, your worth more than that. Break the cycle. Do what you have to to get the ex out of your system before it's to late. Make a pro and con list for both and see who comes out on top I bet it's James. Just be honest with yourself (and James)

2007-03-26 02:02:01 · answer #2 · answered by Gremlin 2 · 0 0

You did read your question right?!
If you read it as if it were another person...what do you think?

To me it's obvious...stay with "James" and work on trying to forget the highly abusive "Smith". (You gave him a second chance which is more than what I would have given him... come on, think about it punched in the face? Guys like that won't just change...they need intensive therapy only if they admit they have an anger problem. Leave him in the past and look forward to an abusive-free life.)

I understand that you feel you love him but I think it's more because you want to heal him or save him or fix him... how can you love someone who actually, physically harms you?
I think that falls under the 'abused wife syndrome'.

Four months isn't that long...give it time to get him out of your head and heart.

If "James" is a sweetheart have a lovely life with him. Give him a chance....but if he turns abusive...run away and get help for yourself because maybe you are attracted to guys with an anger control problem.

One of my philosophies in life is don't give yourself more work to do than you need to and don't create problems...live simply & happily in kindness.

Good luck to you... stay away from "Smith"...it'll hurt to do that but getting back together with him would hurt you more or worse later on...don't be a statistic.

2007-03-26 01:56:14 · answer #3 · answered by Gigi 4 · 0 0

I don't know what it is about a guy who you say cheated, lied, was abusive, controlling, and hits you. Actions speak louder then words. If you think that's love then you need to take some time for yourself and speak with a therapist. I am not looking to insult you but your X is a looser. He is only looking to hook up with you because he thinks you moved on. "The control" If you have a nice guy now and like him forget the X If you are not interested in the new guy and want to break up that would make sense buy either way I would not recommend you getting back together with your X. He is not going to CHANGE!!. You can't give a new relationship a chance when your head in thinking about an old relationship that is headed for abuse and heartache.

2007-03-26 01:51:36 · answer #4 · answered by Kat G 6 · 1 0

...Forget about "smith" honey...he's no good for you period...and choose to give "James" the chance you and he deserve. "Smith" by no means was the model boyfriend lover for you hun....and he ain't gonna be changing anytime soon either. You've said so yourself here hun....he continues to be abusive. As far as I could ever tell you...abusive relationships never ever are gonna work for anyone. They're self destructive and bad for your mental and physical intellect. I don't personally understand why some people wanna be in abusive relationships in the first place. Your fascination with "smith" needs to come to an end darling, cause I don't believe for a second that his personality is gonna be changing anytime soon. Cancel your fascination subscription with "smith" honey. You'll sleep much better at night if you do.

2007-03-26 01:53:12 · answer #5 · answered by scott s 6 · 0 0

umm hello?? did he punch you hard enough to loose your dignity and self respect. he is a loser! yeah im sure the sex was great but emotionally and physcially he is NOT THERE! he lashes out in aggression and your his target. there is no room for growth and communication when a person resorts to those actions. I highyl recommend staying far away from him. If you are not ready to emotionally connect to James then take a break. Maybe what you need to do is get back to being happy and being you and then move on when your ready for a new relationship. It seems like you are just transcending and hiding your feelings with this new guy. Take some time for yourself and move on when your ready!

2007-03-26 01:45:59 · answer #6 · answered by spadezgurl22 6 · 0 0

NO! DO NOT GO BACKWARDS, EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE STILL IN LOVE THE YOUR EX, HE'S STILL AN EX FOR A REASON. LEAVE HIM IN THE PAST AND MOVE ON. YOUR LOVE FOR HIM WITH DRIFT AWAY SLOWLY BUT SURELY AND YOU WILL BE ABLE TO OPEN UP YOUR HEART AND LOVE AGAIN. ALSO IF YOU WERE STILL IN LOVE WITH AN EX, YOU SHOULD HAVE NEVER GOTTEN INTO ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP, ALWAYS GIVE YOURSELF TIME TO DEVELOP CLOSURE. BECAUSE ONCE YOU GET INTO ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP YOU ARE NOT GIVING THAT PERSON A FAIR CHANCE WITH YOU AND YOU ARE CHEATING YOURSELF.

I KNOW THAT'S HOW IT IS WITH ME, I HAVE TO GET OVER AND RECOVER. IF NOT I WILL FIND MYSELF THINKING ABOUT MY EX WHILE WITH MY NEW BOYFRIEND AND COMPARING THE TWO. AND THEN I MAKE UP EXCUSES WHY I DON'T LIKE MY NEW RELATIONSHIP WHEN ACTUALLY IT'S FINE, I JUST WANT MY EX BACK AND WAS USE TO HIM. NOT SAYING YOU CAN'T OR SHOULDNT' HAVE FRIENDS OR DATE, BUT A RELATIONSHIP IS DIFFERENT. HIWH

2007-03-26 02:00:50 · answer #7 · answered by misscancer10 3 · 0 0

Sounds like you need to break the soultie. Never heard of that before ? Its when two bodies become one. Anyways go to rhema.org and send in a prayer request to have it broken with your ex. I promise, once you do this you will be able to MOOOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVEEEEEEE on ! Yippee !

2007-03-26 01:43:29 · answer #8 · answered by Kendra H 2 · 1 0

Stay with james, the reasons are obvious

2007-03-26 01:48:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

i no how you feel i was in the same situation as you. i no it will b hard but don,t get back with smith he sounds the same as my ex, nd i wanted to get back with him nd i did ,3weeks later i ended up with 3 brokin ribs he beat me cos i took off the ring he gave me to wash my hands. so no matter how much u lov him let him go, cos he will never change no matter how hard you try to change him don't end up the same as me. stick with your boyfriend cos any man that hits u really doesnt lov ya nd they aint worth ****, goodlook

2007-03-26 02:32:32 · answer #10 · answered by traceymad 1 · 0 0

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