I need helping coping with a difficult situation. What are some ways to do this?

Question

I'm taking care of my grandfather who has dementia. While I love him, his behaviors (and the situation in general) are grinding me down.
Every day, he has "hypochondria spells." He insists repeatedly to go to the hospital immediately, though there's no emergency. About 20-30 times a day he'll ask me for medication I don't have. Then he'll insist on driving to the pharmacy to get it, and when he realizes his keys are gone (my parents took them away), he starts in about how he's a fine driver and there's no reason for my parents to treat him this way.
He alternates between telling me "You're the best there is," and saying I don't care about him (because of the meds). To top it off, no one else in my family seems to want to deal with him most of the time, but they all like to tell me how to do this. I've been doing this for about a month and a half, and already I feel burned out.
What can I do to cope?

I am beginning to get very irritable (which is unlike me), and am starting to take it out on those around me. Also, I'm eating a lot more junk than I did before, but between trying to look after him and clean the house, I don't have much time to exercise.
I've grown to hate my life because that's all it is--dealing with a sick man who's like an overgrown child. I just don't know how much more of this I can take.

Answer 1

I feel your pain. Aside from my two small children, husband, house, and pets, I am the sole caregiver to my 90yr old grandmother, who suffers from lung disease, hypertension, heart disease, and lung cancer.
She's also in the very early stages of dementia.
I, too, love my grandmother very much, but the burden of caring for her gets totally overwhelming. She's often disoriented, forgetful, angry, passive-aggressive, and just plain cranky.

There are a few things to do to help yourself out here:

1. Talk to his doctor about setting up a home health aide to come out and help, even if it's just to sit in the house and make sure he doesn't hurt himself for a couple of hours while you get out.
2. Find out about the services offered by your local office on aging - there are adult centers, daycares, etc. where he can get out of the house and you can get a breather.
3. Join a support group or find a therapist.
4. Don't feel guilty (or try not to).Keep reminding yourself that the burnout you're feeling is totally normal; caregivers often feel alone and resentful of their charges.
5. Stand up for yourself. It sucks when no one around you wants to help out, yet everyone has something to say about what you're doing right or wrong, etc. It's okay to put your foot down and say to your parents or other realtives that if they want a say in his care, they need to pick up and contribute.

Try to hang in there.

Answer 2

You absolutely need a break! Can you talk to your parents about this? Maybe discuss ways that you can alternate responsibilities. If not, is there another person you trust? I would also look for "care for caregivers" programs. There you will find support and suggestions for how to cope with the particular stresses that you are under now. Dealing with dementia is very frusrating and stressful for the family and no one should feel like they have to go it alone. I am so terribly sorry that you're having to go through this right now. Please know that there is help out there. I've included links to a few resources for you. Good luck!

Answer 3

It's very difficult to have patience... I know. You didn't mention if he is on any of the alzheimer's drugs that would assist their cognitive functioning etc. (aricept or anything like that?)... I assume you've been to a doctor and he's under treatment.
Do you know that there (usually free) daycare programs where your loved one will get the care and attention and activities catered to their disease? Call your county mental health clinic and find out. This would at least give the entire family a break and he would probably enjoy the activity.
There are also websites on the computer that assist you in tips and treatment of those with Alzheimers.
Good luck coping (just try to bear in mind that he doesn't choose to be argumentative or annoying and given the choice he'd want to be well and happy). I agree with one of the other responses... give him a hug (and try to get a daycare).

Answer 4

My family has just been through this hell.You are suffering burn out,My grandmother tried to take care of a 78 year old man all by her self it got to the point where she was slapping her own husband for his incontinece,you dont want to get to that point,you need to let the proffesionals take care of him,my family was in denial a long time until one day he got out and was lost for 3 days we found him walking down the Interstate beaten and robbed and disoriented,you cant be everywhere.Its time to have a family meeting and let your parents know you will no longer be doing this alone and they need to start weighing other options.It hurts but a nursing home 100 percent supervision and 24 hour care what he needs and what you couldnt possibly give.

Answer 5

Wow, that's tough! I feel for you. On the one hand you want to be there for him but on the other, it's frustrating and it's wearing you out. Hmm. Do you know much about dementia? I don't so I can't really offer any specific advice, sorry! Perhaps if you don't you could look into it for some support.

All the best! You sound like someone with a good heart, so don't get discouraged! :)

Answer 6

First, tell your parents, second, work out a shift schedule so everyon can get some free time away to destress, and lastly go buy a variety of mints, tic tacs and put them into used pill bottles and keep them with you, when he asks for a med, give him one. Just remember how he used to be and be glad he's still around to hug. Hey, he looks like he can use one now, and some 'meds'!

Answer 7

One thing you may be able to do is sit down with others in your family and talk to all of them. Tell them that you need like two hours to yourself. If you are not in school and when they come home trade duty for a little. Try going to the gym and or runinng/walking around a park . That will help with the exra eating. It sounds like your family needs to step in and help out. Be vocal!!

Answer 8

i can see you're under a tremendous amount of pressure.. why don't you talk to your family and let them know that that taking care of your grandfather is a family effort.. you shouldn't have to be the only one bearing the responsibility of caring for him..your family is avoiding dealing with it, either because they think you're the only one in the family who's able to handle the situation well and they trust you to do it or they knew beforehand that it's going to be a lot of work so.. i don't know.. that's not something i can comment on.. remember, your grandfather is the helpless one in this situation so he needs you and your family to be there for him.. but you've got to help yourself before you can help anyone else.. talk to your family before you end up having to be the one in the hospital.. take care