Should we get counseling or work it out on our own?

Question

OK. So my girlfriend and I have been going out for about four months already. And lately I've been noticing that as the months go by, and the more I get closer to her, I get more and more protective of her; most of the time possessive. Things like her not talking on the phone with me for a night will make me doubt her loyalty to me, and I get jelous really quick.

I know she gives me her 100% percent trust, but I, on the other hand, give her 99% trust, and 1% doubt. And she and I both know that I have this trust issue, and it's affecting our relationship right now.

She wants to counsel me herself, that way she can earn my complete trust. However, I am really stubborn about her counseling me, because I think she'd only be bias and it'd be unfair for me.

So what should I (or we do) to save this relationship from ever getting worse? I really love her to death, but sometimes my ego is too big to control...

Should we get counseling, instead? What are things that might help us?

Answer 1

i think its extremely mature of you to admit that there is a problem. that YOU have a problem and that you both need some help. her counselling you is not a good idea, because yes, it is too bias. i reckon counselling is a brilliant idea. it wont do any harm at all after all. go for it! a third person prospective is always helpful! good luck, i hope it works out!

Answer 2

I personally think that if you feel that lack of trust on your side is too big of an issue for you, let her go. I was with a guy who questioned everything that I did. I am talking things like what did you do today and would ask pretty much minute by minute details. It was a very unhealthy way to live and I constantly felt like I was the bad guy when I knew it was all him. Maybe you have done things in the past that make you feel not trustworthy to other girls? You really need to either start trusting her completely or set her free. If you feel that you can trust her and you want this to work out get counselling where there is a neutral party. You are already questioning her motives to counsel before the counselling.

Answer 3

ok , here is how it is , if you see a counseller she will tell you that your posseive streak is what is causing the grief , you need to stand back , and worry less about having your heart ripped out of your chest , because this seems to be what has probably started the possessive streak , (everyone has this) so dont think that you are the only one (male and female) but..
ýou need to trust your gf , because the point is , if you point out , or put a highlight on this , then what will happen ie , if I said to you , fish and chips everyday for your relationship , would you at some stage get fish and chips?
I think you would at least think about it , you need to trust your gf , if she does the dirty , she does it , but additionally there is nothing you can do if she does. (and by the sound of it she probably woudnt) but I would suggest you have relationship counseling for it , it will be fun , because this isnt really a destructive problem yet , more of a fine tuning problem .
if your gf did counsel you , it wont help , because it is like the exaust pipe talking to the motor , when you need a mechanic

Answer 4

"We" don't need counseling. "YOU" need counseling trust issues are not a small thing and have been the basis for spousal abuse many times in the past. If your girlfriend needs counseling at all it is just that she needs to understand how very serious and dangerous your behavior is. That kind of jealousy is the kind of control issue that will eventually lead to your not allowing her out without you there, she won't be allowed to talk on the phone and she won't be allowed personal friends. You are in this condition terrible boyfriend material and need to do some real work on yourself before being involved seriously with anyone. Get some help for your very real problem.

Answer 5

Ew - your girlfriend shouldn't be your counselor. I think it may be a problem to give and receive complete trust after 4 months. 99% sounds high too. That said, the benefit of the doubt is entirely appropriate. The funny thing is that if you don't give her space, you won't be figure out whether you should be trusting her or not.

Answer 6

Its commendable that ur looking at the situation in a truthful manner atleast there are no issues with denial id go for counselling but the way uv started ull get over it quick after counselling coz u have sober judgement

Answer 7

I usually hate giving advice for counselling, but I think this is one occasion where I have to say that counselling wouldn't hurt you a bit. You need to learn to control your possessiveness and I agree with you, your girlfriend should NOT counsel you. That'd be like getting ready for a train wreck in the future, something you dont' need.

Answer 8

i would say go and get a unbais counselor but get her to tell you all things she would like you to work on. i say this because you are the one with trust issues so maybe you can explore that with counselor why you have those issues.

Answer 9

it style of feels your important situation is which you the two have teenagers, it is courageous that your staying with him even after all he has placed you thru. One significant question I even have is, is he a stable verify? i individually think of you should sell off him and allow him to work out the babies because of the fact it significant that they see their father and in case you do no longer enable him you will likely become a "undesirable guy" of their eyes in the event that they are to youthful to understand why. yet whilst he's the form that could deceive your babies approximately you or cause them to risky in any understand i might advise no longer letting him see them in any respect on account which you will come off as much extra of a "undesirable guy" or your babies would be in possibility. i might advise you progression on and detect a guy that loves you and could no longer cheat or make you experience depressed. yet another significant question is how previous are your babies? in the event that they are sufficiently previous to truly understand i might advise which you clarify to them that "dad has made a mistake and mom can't forgive him this time" i might depart out that he cheated because of the fact they might experience that he cheated on them additionally. babies will continually prefer to recognize why their mom and pa are not at the same time and you should additionally verify they do no longer think of its their fault in any way. i might advise being a minimum of a sprint opened with them approximately it and not dissing him in front of them on account which you do no longer prefer to be that guy or woman. I in actual fact wish this helped a minimum of slightly and that i'm hoping i did no longer stray to far off your question. My sister went via an analogous situation yet her baby became 3 and she or he has to enable him see his father yet his father has had medications around the domicile and we could the boy do to many risky issues and could no longer save him on the nutrition regimen the docs pronounced, for this reason its significant to verify the daddy is a robust verify.