My menopausal mother is driving me crazy!?

Question

All she does is put me down. She says the meanst things. She is always grumpy! It's bringing my mood down aswell. I'm 17 years old

She has recently gone gluten free (because of coeliacs disease) and she says she is really tired and that is why she is tired and has a short temper.

The other day while she was at work I baked her a chocolate cake (not realising she had gone gluten free already) and all she did was yell at me for making a mess. I was only trying to make her feel better but I can't do anything right!


Help! What can I do to deal with this? I'm so close to packing my bags!

You clearly didn't read what I wrote. I baked my mum a cake. Does that not sound like i'm being grateful?

She is ruining my life. I cry all the time. I need a mother who I can talk to but all I get is yelling and being acused of things i didn't do.

That was not the only example of things I have done for my mother. There isn't enough room there. I am mature, I am trying to help my mother feel better so we can live in a more peaceful home. But you cant see this so why bother answering my question

Answer 1

I can feel your agony. My suggestion is that look at her face and think the following points in cool head:

1. She is your mother who carried you in her womb, gave you birth, cared and loved you when you were helpless and today, you are a sweet lady just for her contribution and commitment to you.

2. Probably she is mentally a bit disturbed now due to her menopause and/ or some other issues. You are her loving daughter who can help her most in this world.

3. You are the younger generation with better knowledge, attitude and commitment than you parents to carry on more responsibilities with patience.

Now, sit down in front of her. Look at her face. Try to feel her agony. Touch and hug her. And try to help her. I am sure that you are a loving sweet daughter of a very good mother.

Be happy, all my best wishes are for you.

Answer 2

I'm in the same place as your mom, so I can testify that if you try to commiserate you may both understand better.
Really what it feels like is having PMS 24/7 and throwing in hot flashes. Basically, you are just standing there minding your own business and WHAM ! your temp goes up 3 or 4 degrees - literally - for a few moments and you feel like you have entered another dimension. It really stinks. Even when you know you are grumpy and saying nasty things it's like you can't stop yourself. You feel rather insane.

You might try suggesting a soy based product for menopausal relief. There are several in the vitamin area of the grocery store. If she'll drink soy milk, even one glass a day before bed will help. Silk very vanilla is excellent, and gluten free.
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Remember you will go through this someday yourself. In fact you may wish to make notes to your future self about what age your mom is and what's she's going through so when/if you have kids you'll know whats up when you get grumpy and negative.

There are some great funny books about menopause you might like to sit and read with her. Tell her you want to understand and thought it would be good to look at the lighter side of it..

Below I listed a link for a soundtrack from the broadway show "Menopause, the musical". If she's not laughing listening to that, she needs meds :) It's pricey, so if you can't afford it, maybe you have an aunt or someone who can get it for her and they can enjoy it together. I never laughed so hard in my life. :)

Answer 3

there are natural hersb for her prblem which will work quickly and safely/ if you have a herbal store in your town look them up St johns wart along with lobelia which stop panic attacks works well. Its best to get in fluid form placing six drops each in herbal tea of a sanquin nature. You will enjoy the flavor added with a mint tea using natural raw brown sugar. Three times a day for her for the first week then twice a day the next for buildling in the system there after.

Answer 4

hunnie dont worry, i know what u r going through cause im going thru it too!!
u see, if i had any effecient tips to give u id be more than glad, but.. i only have one thing to say...
Even if u'r mom is one of the ladies who dont care about their age and never hide it (like mine), Never, NEVER mention the word "menopause" infront of her, whether it's referring to the way she feels or anything, because she KNOWS that and one of the reasons that makes her this way is that she cant control it!
best of luck,,

Answer 5

Read back at what you have written. Your mother is going through a very difficult time. Keep in mind, you will go through it later in your life, also.

Secondly, at 17 you are very much able to help mom more around the house as she gets through this period of adjusting to a new diet. Her diet will make her tired until her body levels out and she learns how to get the appropriate nutrients to keep her going.

Thirdly, you think about all the times in 17 years that your mother was there for you. Birth, sicknesses, diaper changes, teaching you right from wrong, putting up with your adolescents and appreciate what she has done for you. Now it's your time to help give back.

Motherhood is heck of a lot harder than going through your teenage years. I've done both.

CLEARLY, I did read what you wrote. It takes more than baking a damn cake to help her through this. Stop whining and grow up. You're SEVENTEEN. No wonder mom is acting like she is if you are acting like you're 5. As far as crying all the time, get some help from a clergyman or school counselor. Someone to talk to other than other teenagers.

Answer 6

Well... the first thing you can always try is to sit her down and tell her how you feel.. If that doesnt work then maybe try and have someone else intervene, or just do and you are thinking and get away from the situation if you find it hard to live..

Answer 7

Lex Talionis....

Criticise her in return. Be sarcastic and disrespectful. Make sure she absolutely knows that if she is going to be a ***** to you that you can be a total ******** right back. Never lose your temper though. Just patronise her, casually counter-attack her every verbal assault... Show her that you are stronger than her, more vicious and far more dangerous.
Make . Her . Cower.

For one thing it should feel just... righteous...

For another, if you do manage to upset her, that is your oppurtunity to comfort her in return.... You demonstrate what her actions are like, and when she realises, you set the example of how to behave.
She clearly isn't hormonally stable at the moment, and needs a verbal slap in the face to set her right. Her behaviour is her weakness and it is your chance to take charge.

Answer 8

As I have learned in my civics class is that you console who hurts you. That way you don't end up hurting her and hopefully she will understand your present situation.

Answer 9

All i can say is Wellcome to Hell

Answer 10

ignore her