Did anybody ever forgive a wife for cheating and how are things now?

Question

I know I still care about her but something in me has changed dramatically. I'm not sure I still love her or can ever trust her again. If she lied to me about not cheating, what other lies has she told me. She was the best girl I ever knew and when we started having troubles in our marriage and I asked her about it, she would lie and tell me there was nobody else.but she said she was confused. She was always on the phone and then she started going out on weekends instead of spending them with me. She told me she just never got to go out when she was a teenager to parties and just wanted to go with her workmates. I guess the workmate was the guy she cheated with and asked her to move in and that's when she told me about her affair. I have never been the same since. I didn't have anyone that I could tell about this until I saw this forum. I feel I'm getting a little better and look forward to your ideas. Thanks to all for answering

Answer 1

I tried to forgive, but it had changed everything. I couldn't trust him ever again, so I filed for divorce. That was 12 years ago and I know it was the right choice for me. I found out that he has cheated on his current wife, too. I guess the phrase "Once a cheater, always a cheater" holds true in his case!

Answer 2

I never forgave, I figured if he thought it was ok for him to do it, I could too. Then I never asked for forgiveness, I ended my marriage -- I didn't like the cheating me, even if it was to fill the numbness from knowing he had a girlfriend.

But I do have a friend. His wife cheated on him, they had a 1 year old son at the time. They separated and she moved in with the guy she had been seeing. They live in a very small town, and as a state trooper pretty much everyone knows who he is, and therefore talking about all of his business, so that makes the swallowing the pride thing all the more difficult. They were separated for a year, he did see a few women during that time but nothing serious (& no I wasn't 1 of the women). After a year, they had continued talking and she was still living in the same town as him, she came back and asked for his forgiveness. After some good hard soul searching and some serious conversation about how to move forward and leave the past behind them, he chose to take her back. It's been 4 years. He says that the day he chose to take her back, that was it, that he had to trust her from that day forward that if he couldn't they had no business being together. He has also never thrown her affair in her face to make her relive that guilt and shame or his pain. It was a move forward or walk away decision. 4 years later they have a solid marriage, possibly even stronger than before.

If she has moved out and wants back in, the ball is in your court and the decision is yours alone. If you don't feel that you can trust her from today, then you have no business reconciling. The biggest issue is trust, if it isn't there, you will always be wondering and accusing, even if she has done nothing. Once she gets tired of being accused and treated like she is having a fling when she isn't, she'll say "hmm, i'm getting punished for it anyway, why not".

Search your soul. I know this is hard, but no matter how much you love her, if you can't trust her now, you will not trust her 6 months from now.

Answer 3

i wanted to forgive my ex, and wanted him to just come home, but he refused, he showed no remorse, and just didn't love me anymore, but i would have tried anyway. but 3 years later i now realize that it would not have been an easy thing to do, there would have been resentments, the trust would not have been there, also there would always been a chance of him going back to her no matter what. in the long run, i really don't feel its possible to ever forget it, and forgiveness can only come with alot of hard work. it usually isn't the affair that destroys the relationship, its the cover up, the lies, the disrespect, and u would always know they chose someone else over u, so your ego would be damaged, and maybe u wouldn't be able to show love to this person anymore. personally i would much rather be hurt once, and go through the grief, than to take someone back, only to have it happen again to me. there is never an excuse to cheat, and break someones heart your suppose to love. i could never believe that person loved me after an affair, would always wonder about their true feelings for me.

Answer 4

look to the reason she cheated. did she fall in love with someone else? a deep meaningful thing that no matter how much she tried could not resist? in that case her loyalty to you is gone. was it a spur of the moment, it just happened kinda thing? in that case she had little regard for your relationship in the first place. looking at it this way, i know i could never forget, let alone forgive. the hurt would always be there, and i couldn't just carry on always wondering were they going to do it again, much as a split would hurt, to me the damage would already have been done. i think you want to salvage this, and that makes you a way stronger person than i, but to give your relationship a chance you would have to forgive & forget. dredging up and living with the past would only cloud matters, can you REALLY do this? or would you be looking for signs in every little thing that happens? whatever happens i wish you luck. and happiness

Answer 5

for her to say she was confused... is a sorry excuse in hope youd believe her. She was fully aware of what she is doing. I hate that. thats the same as when people commit a crime, when they get caught, they pretend to be insane or have mental issues . Their brain was working just fine when they commited the crime. Once a cheater will always be a cheater. You will never be able to trust her 100%. You cant have a good relationship if there is no trust. Think about you... think about how you want to be treated... with respect not dishonesty. there are plenty of honest women out there who are deserving of you. I wouldnt trust her if she was the last person on earth.

Answer 6

how betrayed u must feel, and full of insecurities. sometimes we never get past what they did. i once forgave a fiance for cheating, but he was in an affair with the girl. for awhile the relationship went well, but after awhile he went back to the same old things, cause i do not think he was happy with me anyway, wanted a different kind of life. the second time it ended was twice as hurtful as the first, because i had forgiven and begun to love him again, only to be cheated on again. if u love her u will have to let her know that u can only forgive it once, we all deserve second chances, just depends how much u love her.

Answer 7

My wife cheated on me before we got married and I knew about it. I tried hard to forgive, but I never forgot. I'm sorry, but for me the trust never completely returned and tainted everything after that. It was a long time(years) before we became comfortable again. However, our marriage lasted only three years and now we've been divorced for five years.

To be honest with you, I would look deeply as to why you would want to forgive her and as to why you'd want to remain in the marriage. Does she even want your forgiveness?

I noticed that you didn't mention whether your wife chose to move in or to try to make your marriage work. I do wish you well in this hard time. I know how horrible the feeling will be, but trust me on one aspect. Eventually, it fades. I wish you the best of luck...

Answer 8

My boyfriend of two years cheated on me with this women who pretended to be a family friend. We got into this argument, he left, and she seduced my angry boyfriend. I have took him back and, one things for sure, ill never forget, but ill probably never forgive him 100% THE GUY CHEATED, he's looking for other lovers rather than me, of course they do it again and again, i dont trust him with the opposite sex any more because he LIED to me and said he would NEVER do that to me, and he DID, he LIE about it again. When someone cheats, its about SEX, how can someone say they love you, then go bang someone else. I can bet you the guy she had an affair with wont be offering her a wedding ring, she giving the milk for free....

Answer 9

Yes I do know some one that forgave their wife, it was very hard to trust again but if you truly love them it will work in time it takes work and commitment on both parts.Also most times when there is trouble in a relationship its usually both parties fault.you need to talk to each other and be open and honest and really listen.She told you about the affair which means she loves you and maybe it was a plea for you to listen maybe get your attention.Try talking before you give up on each other.

Answer 10

if u are her husband , i suggest you go to the cell phone service provider to get a history of her chat history. Nowadays, if you have her phone no. address, or wtever ID no. you can get her chat history. When u got the chat history, try to call the number which she most called. and you can really find out is she cheating on you or not .

PS try to find a girl friend to do what i said so, coz some companies do not give out information even u are her husband , good luck