Am Ioosing him for good?

Question

My boyfriend has been really stressed down and not feeling well about his job situation. He has been trying really hard to get a new job, attending all different kinds of interviews while working full-time. He has pulled away from me during this time but he did explain to me that he needs to do that. I was not understanding of his stress and I became needy and I started to question him and doubt his love for me. This only made things worse between us. He tried to explain himself again but I still questioned him and I asked him if he is avoiding me. He got upset and yesterday he told me that he is not happy with me anymore and he is thinking about leaving. I asked him if it's his last decision and he said he needs time to think but he thinks he will leave. I sat down and wrote him a letter, where I said I was sorry for being so needy and mistrusting and I tried to appreciate all the good things he does for me. I am so sad and scared of loosing him. Do you think it's the end?

Answer 1

I hope it isn't. You will have to sit him down and talk about this as soon as possible but don't push him.. Try to back off a little and give him a bit of space mentally. If you push to hard he will run a mile, but let him move at his own pace then you will be sure that he really wants to be with you.

Good luck xxxx

Answer 2

You've told him what you feel, and that you are sorry for the way you have behaved.

Now you have to leave him to make a decision. If he decides to stay with you, you must try not to make the same mistakes in the future. If he decides to leave you then you will naturally be very upset, but you will meet someone else. Hey....On more than one occasion I have thought that my world had come to an end when I broke up with a guy, but now I am very, very happy with my partner after 7 years together, and looking back, I realise that the other men were just not right for me.

My partner also went through a time when he was very unhappy with his job. He became withdrawn, moody and depressed (very out of character for him). His new job meant that we had to uproot and come to another country, but it was well worth it to see the change in him. If he does stay with you, things will get better when he finds that new job.

What ever happens, whether he goes or stays, you will be happy in the future. The funny thing is that we have to go through the bad times to really appreciate the good.

Answer 3

I think you are coming at the problem from the wrong end. You are worried about loosing him, you apologised for your behavious, your tried to appreciate all the things he does for you.

Where is he and your relationship in all this.

You won't win him back by a letter. You will win him back by changing your behavious, now and for ever. Start to do really positive things for him and your relationship. I don't just mean buying him a tacky 'I love you' pressie. I mean something that will mean something, that will take some thought and time. You have been thinking too much about yourself - hence you not realising his stress levels.

If you live together then go home, cook a nice meal, talk to him and start to really listen to what he is saying. Ask questions, ask how you can help him. And don't stop at one day, keep doing this, take whatever stress you can from him, plan nice days where he can unwind, can you help with his job search - even if its just emailing all you contacts to sse if they have heard of something.

If you don't live together then call him now and ask if you can take him out over the weekend to talk and maybe relax a little.

Answer 4

If he Loves you he wont leave, You need to make him aware that if he does leave thats it! Alot of blokes think they can go and go as they please!

Its hard to tell you how your partner is feeling, He could e using all the stress of work etc as a excuse!

I have to say that I am currently in the same position as your bloke and I am so stressed!

I have thought about leaving my partner because he has not been understanding and has put even more pressure on me!
I love him tho and I cant walk away from the last few years!

I hope you get things sorted

Good luck

Answer 5

Not really if you guys sit down and really talk and listen about eachother's feelings in this situation. Bad things happen all the time. What matters in a relationship is whether you can be good friends to eachother as well as lovers. Tell him that you would like to talk about some things. I know guys hate to hear that but these are only problems with resolutions, not time to bicker and fight. Start YOUR conversation with " I "s not "you"s. The whole point is to lower defences. Try not to get too emotional or take offence because you are working things out. Emotions cloud things. Compromise.

Answer 6

It could be the end. But don't despair just yet. What you have to do now is be caring a supportive, like he needed at the beginning. If he still cares, it could convince him to stay.

But it will depend on him, and on just how much you pushed the issue when you became needy and demanding.

Good luck, and remember, if this relationship is over, it's not the end of the world. In time you would be able to move on.

Answer 7

No it isn't.U extremely understood that he's in a hard situation.N u said u know that he's been so busy with all the interviews while working full time.Why don't u support him?u shouldn't question him and doubt his love......he's just in really really bad situation.Maybe at that time u felt like u're loosing time that u both used to be spent together.Its normal.But now let him cooling down for a while.....i do very2 understand how's your feeling right now....if he really loves u, he'll gonna meet u soon after healing.If u really2 love him, don't let him go.Try harder to make him feel secure when he's with u.Good luck.

Answer 8

He probably said it was the end so you can get out of his face because he already has a lot of stress in his life right now. Maybe you guys should take a break and think things through. He'll make time for you when things aren't hectic. Another thing you can do is go hide at his job in your car and follow him to see where he's going to see if something is going on. You'll know if he's doing something he's not suppose to .....it's a woman's intuition it's our 6th sense we could feel it.

Answer 9

he is merely asking a space to do some fixing to himself. Instead of coming all over him with 'questions of not loving & doubting', give him what he asks. afterall, he didnt pulled away without informing you of his plans. It shows that the love hasn't died, he simply wants to work on new things in his life. You have to know that the last thing a man wants to happen in his life is being jobless. Who knows he is taking this career move bcuz he wanted a more secure employment in preparation to eventually marrying you... The least you can do is support him on his plans & be there when needed but do not overdo. He was upset bcuz you had pushed him to the edge on matters that didn't have anything to do with his career move. It only add up to anxiety. (of not finding a new job & may be losing you for all those nagging questions you had) You continue to nag him, i wouldn't be surprise if he finally leaves you.

Stop those preconceived notions you have in mind, you can measure it up if he was telling you the truth or not.. but usually man are apt to what they said..unless you suspect a thing combine with an evidence that he is simply avoiding you already.

Answer 10

No. I wouldn't say that's the end. He obviously wants time to sort himself out and is finding it hard to concentrate on doing this with you around. Once he has sorted himself out and is happy you will find that you will probably become a more important part of his life again. If I was you I would try helping him as much as possible with his job hunting and keeping unemotional about your needs until you feel he has sorted his career path out. I have the same problem at the moment with my girlfriend as I am unhappy and am trying to get a new job but the pressure of her needs being filled and my needs being filled is overwhelming.