I am currently staying in Tokyo and I am the only son. My father (a Filipino) died several years ago and I am now living with my mom. I married recently to a Filipina here in Tokyo last year. Since I am the only son, I can't leave my mom. My problem is that my mom insisted that it is Japanese culture that wives should stay at home and do the household. My wife insisted she wanted to work. I said that I am willing to give her allowance instead. Just to prevent trouble with my mom. Do you think that my mom is right? Is it really Japanese tradition that women are prefered to be at home?
2007-03-25 20:52:41 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Travel ➔ Asia Pacific ➔ Japan
You have to dialogue with your wife. It is not good that you will just abide with your mom because you want to have peace. I am also a half Japanese. But if you trully love your wife, talk to her. If you are capable of raising a family, try to understand why she insisted to work. And if it is reasonable, then why don't you allow her? Whatever the case maybe, the welfare of the family should go first before one's personal desire.
2007-03-25 21:16:56 · answer #1 · answered by Ernesto 2 · 4⤊ 2⤋
Don't worry about having an immaculate house. I'm not a stay at home mom but personally I don't understand how some women keep their houses spotless. Their poor kids must have to stay in their rooms all the time or something. My house is only spotless on Saturday mornings - that's when I do my weekly cleaning. The rest of the week I do basic pickup and wipe down when I get home from work. I literally set a timer for 10 minutes and do nothing but clean. The 10 minutes a day keeps it from getting truly dirty but means I don't follow my daughter around all evening telling her to pick up her toys (actually she does that during the 10 minutes cleaning and it keeps them under control, if there's some on the floor when we go to bed so what, that's what the next days 10 minutes is for). If 10 minutes a couple times a day isn't enough time for you to get the house the way you want then my suggestion would be to advertise around the neighborhood for a mother's helper - a younger teenager who can entertain and take care of the kids for an hour or two while you clean house and do laundry.
2016-03-17 02:25:28 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's no longer the tradition in Japan. Ask her to produce a list of names of current Japanese couples with no kids where the wife stays home. She will find some but you'll be able to bury her with names of couples where the wife works. When the children are born is usually when women become stay at home moms and I strongly encourage you to work toward that goal.
2007-03-25 21:04:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Once upon a time this was traditional Japanese wife traits.
It is now the 21st century, many first sons no longer feel responsible to look after their parents, many wives feel a need to have a career. Many old parents are now in an old people's home - things have changed. I can understand that your mother wants to cling to tradition this is what she knows and respects. You've been married a year so no children yet or if you have a child it is still a baby and needs its mother until it can go to pre-school. Once at school, the mother should be able to go out to work if she wants.
The alternative will be for your wife to be with your mother all day, think about that, would you like to be with your mother all day, 24hours a day, 365? I don't think so
2007-03-25 21:00:56 · answer #4 · answered by Ya-sai 7 · 2⤊ 3⤋
If I am your mother, I would let you listen and talk to your wife, because I don't want you to take responsible on two things which you can't be on control for these two people. As your concern and having you around with your family would be enough for me, but in this case I am not your Mom. so what you feel and think is the best you can do for yourself to gain respect for these two important people in your life..do it.
It could be resolve if you allow your wife to have something to do for herself and not feeling obligated to your Mom even it is traditionally done in Japan. In other cases, if both of you has children, Yes, that is the main reason that she better stays at home and take care of the house, you and the children and your Mother. This is a big responsibility for her, but this is why wife must stay home and look after the house while husband is working to provide the family. Giving her allowance is consideration.
Depends on how you have been raised and how your wife have been raised, and that is all about you and your wife now.. Your Mom had made accomplishment raising you and taking care of the family when she was younger and that is the life she accepted, but sometimes it doesn't goes to other person depends on their lifestyles and issues.
I am not a counselor, but having two different cultures going on with your family and having torn between two special people would only get better if they agree to try different things and how would it work.
Some of the reasons why the government of Japan don't give much hours of work to working mothers so they would have time to take care of home and the family.. A less hours of working outside would benefit everyone, I know many working mothers in Japan who take care of their home and family with their own parents and could still be at work. It takes someone to stand and make a decision.
Now everyone must share work in the house, but if Mom is not capable of this because of health problems, then let her find things too to enjoy, after the loss of your father, she might have been feeling lonely. I know many cultural halls offer lots of interesting things for people in their community.
2007-03-26 00:41:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Yes it is. Traditionally it is the woman who stays home and tends to the house. And it is the mans job to work. But that is how it was for a long time in Japan. Although, some woman are working, your mom still prefers the tradition. That is a very tough situation you are in considering that your father has passed on.
2007-03-25 20:57:46 · answer #6 · answered by Melanie P 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
your wife has the right to go to work. be glas that she intends to rather than leave it all up to you. she can still look after the kids and you before and after even during work,that is how dynamic women are. particularly us, filipina's. i know your wife wouldn't decide to go on work but at the same time forget all about her responsibilities,it's not. marriage is also a two-way process, you should help her too with the family.
2007-03-25 21:05:43 · answer #7 · answered by warrior is a child 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I think this question should be decided between who you respect most. You wife or your mom. Choose what good it will do to your relationship.
2007-03-25 21:04:11 · answer #8 · answered by General Josh 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
it's a tough one but you have to respect your wife's wish to work . i am in japan too but have friends who are japanese married to japanese too and still they are working even old ones . so just try to explain it to your mother that your wife needs to work not just for money but for her personal satisfaction and growth ..... be sure to talk things with your wife too that she will not forget about her wifely duties or not to forget to attend to your needs and your children if you have any .......
2007-03-25 20:56:23 · answer #9 · answered by asphyxia 5 · 5⤊ 2⤋
i think you are an adult, and need to cut the apron strings, even if it's culture. if your wife wants to work, then let her. who are you married to, her or your mom?
2007-03-25 20:57:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 3⤋