I am currently staying in Tokyo and I am the only son. My father (a Filipino) died several years ago and I am now living with my mom. I married recently to a Filipina here in Tokyo last year. Since I am the only son, I can't leave my mom. My problem is that my mom insisted that it is Japanese culture that wives should stay at home and do the household. My wife insisted she wanted to work. I said that I am willing to give her allowance instead. Just to prevent trouble with my mom. Do you think that my mom is right? Is it really Japanese tradition that women are prefered to be at home?
2007-03-25 20:51:00 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have to dialogue with your wife. It is not good that you will just abide with your mom because you want to have peace. I am also a half Japanese. But if you trully love your wife, talk to her. If you are capable of raising a family, try to understand why she insisted to work. And if it is reasonable, then why don't you allow her? Whatever the case maybe, the welfare of the family should go first before one's personal desire.
2007-03-25 21:16:28 · answer #1 · answered by Ernesto 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
its never easy to decide when confronted of situations between a mother & a wife. Neither you can choose to disregard the other,however, as a married man - first thing first. Meaning you married your wife to become one with her, ultimately decisions in your life will have to be agreed between the two of you. You don't have to leave your mother (bcuz of this rift should your wife insist to keep working) but your wife can help by making sure that all your needs as a husband are being handled properly just as you would to her (if your mother is pertaining to household chores & meals at home)and you are both happy with the arrangement & at the same taking care of your mothers needs, in the long run she'll learn to appreciate that the generation X can manage both work & home. You cannot blame dear mother for what she's requesting as she may have grown accustomed that Japanese wives are homemakers and she's yet to see how the 20th century work on marital woes. Try to make her understand that you married a Filipina and not a Japanese. This makes a lot of difference coz the culture itself are not the same, naturally, their perspectives particulary marital bliss will differ. Filipinas i suppose are a lot liberated now than before & juggling between work & home is nothing new anymore.
2007-03-26 04:15:58 · answer #2 · answered by jables 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with moekitty. You married your wife not your mother. Your mother should not be telling you how to run your marriage. Your wife should have a voice in the household!! Let your mom know that your wife is not Japanese & that she has her own culture to follow!! If both your mom & wife are home taking care of the home they will start disagreeing on many things. I think maybe your mother take care of the house & your wife work. You trying to prevent trouble by siding with your mother about your wife working could cause you trouble with your wife. If the trouble with your wife & mother get so bad she could leave you knowing your can't leave your mom. She could take the decision out of your hands! I think you should get everyone to talk to each other so that everything will be talked about! This might be the only way that they get everything settled or it could lead to problems down the road!!!! Good Luck!!!!
2007-03-26 04:43:07 · answer #3 · answered by Missy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is not about tradition, its only right for wives to take care of the house and most especially the children, they(the children) need guidance, love and attention as they grow up...if you alone can support the family well enough then why not let your wife stay home?she is already a mother, she should know the importance of her constant prescence in your house.
2007-03-26 04:09:30 · answer #4 · answered by princess ysa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Heck with tradition! If it will make your wife happy, she should be able to work if she wants to do so. Mama doesn't have any say-so in the matter. Give her respect and tell her your wife comes first. Children do just as well with sitters and if the wife plans on working when they go to school, she needs to be in the work force now for experience. You can't put "changing diapers" on a resume. Modern women who want to work should be allowed to do so. Godloveya.
2007-03-26 04:50:20 · answer #5 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should take your wife's feelings into consideration. If she would be happier working outside the home, then let her. Your mom still embraces the "old" culture where the woman served the man and home without consideration of their own needs and desires. Your mom should step back and quit interfering in your marriage. You need to be a man and put your wife first in your life - you can still take care of your mom while doing that.
2007-03-26 04:24:41 · answer #6 · answered by moekittykitty 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes.
2007-03-26 03:56:54 · answer #7 · answered by happy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
good that's where she belongs, you actually want to be seen with her in public?
2007-03-26 04:44:48 · answer #8 · answered by juniper 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋