I left my husband when he was diagnosed with cancer.Now he's ok and I want him back.Part 2?

Question

Part 1
http://au.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=ApEgJPYSXWqWH.Dyh5QmgNDh5gt.?qid=20070324201705AA62Uio
Part 2
Would people please stop telling me what an awful person I am? I hate myself enough as it is. I’m neither selfish nor a bad person and if you knew me you’d realize that. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone. I didn’t come here to be judged, I came here for objective advice. I made a mistake, a huge one I know that and I would give anything to change what I did. I didn’t leave him with nothing. I made sure he received the best medical care possible and even though he’s a very wealthy man I left without a cent because I didn’t want his money. It really couldn’t have been all that bad if he survived on his own; at least I hope it wasn’t. He’s young (31) and fit. We’re still married and I hope to God he doesn’t choose to throw away 7 years of marriage because of one mistake.

I know from a friend that he hasn’t been with anyone since me because we’re still legally married and that he’s asked about me and know he still wears his wedding ring as do I. It wasn’t an easy decision to leave but I had finally managed to get everything I ever wanted in life and finding out about the cancer was a devastating blow. My life was pure hell before I met him at 22 and I just couldn’t take any more. If any of you even had the slightest idea of what I’ve been through before he came into my life you would take back most of the names you chose to call me. We had the world at our feet and then everything changed. I want to make this right. I want things to go back to the way they were because no one has ever been there for me, understood and treated me the way he has. I would gladly give my life for this man without a second though so doesn’t tell me I don’t love him. The first time we’ve spoken in 2 years was 2 weeks ago and he didn’t seem angry or bitter.

He told me he was doing really well and didn’t mention getting a divorce meaning there’s hope. If the cancer comes back again, I won’t leave his side. After I left him I moved to another state to start over but I couldn’t knowing what I left behind so eventually after 2 years I came back. I keep asking the question in various categories because I’m desperate for objective advice. He’s the one good thing that has ever happened to me. Those of you doubting the validity of my query, I wish to God it wasn’t true. None of you could possibly make me feel worse for what I did than I already feel. Please help me! How do I convince him to give me a second chance? I truly am nothing without him.

Answer 1

First of all I watched my step-dad DIE from cancer & it WAS that bad. HE FOUGHT TO THE BITTER END 18 MONTHS FROM THE DAY HE WAS TOLD. He went from stage1 (curable) to stage 4 terminal (going to die) with in 1 surgury He went through radation & chemo plus some expairmentable prodcures lost his hair after it turned bright white.! I stood by him even though he used to drink & hit me!! I helped him everyday made sure his trache (hole in his neck to breathe out of) was clean & make sure his peg tube (feeding tube in stomach) was clean & fed him!! He could not even talk after the trache he had to learn sign language @ the age of 55 plus we ALL had to learn so we could help him anyway possible!! A few times I had to rush him to the hospital @ 2 am (after going to bed @ 12 am) becasue he was vomiting blood this happened a few times he kept getting pnamoana & had to have 4 blood transfrusions!! I only left him for 2 weeks to go see my father with his blessing! He had a stroke on his birthday & died 16 hours later! We told him it was ok to die since he was a vegtable after the stroke!! He lost his hair & so much weight that he went from 160 lbs to 82 lbs in the 18 months!
As for your pain it's NOTHING compared to how he feels/felt when you walked out on him when he needed your support the most!! Wedding vows are till DEATH do us part & you took him IN SICKNESS & IN HEALTH!!!! I don't feel sorry for you but I feel so sorry for him!! You don't deserve him & you NEVER will!!!!!!!!!!! You have to be honest with your self YOU COME FIRST & ALWAYS WILL & ALWAYS HAVE!!!!!!!! You ONLY MARRIED HIM FOR HIS MONEY!!!! Unfortunatly you CAN'T GO BACK IN TIME!! YOU WOULD DO THE SAME THING AGAIN!! What happens when he has to go for a check up to see if the cancer is back (every few years) what happens if the cancer does come back WHAT WILL YOU DO ?? I already know YOU WILL LEAVE AGAIN!!
If I were your hubby I would not even bother to listen to your excuses but I would divorce you in a heart beat!! Who knows he might listen to you & then put you out for garbage (where from my point of view & I've had a hard life to i.e. homeless, poor, abused & raped, beat up by a drunk, emotionally & verbally abused by ex boyfriend) where you belong!
When life doesn't go your way you escape from it. When you are not center you are not happy!! You are selfish!! You only think of yourself!!
SO I would NOT take you back but I MIGHT LISTEN to what you have to say then divorce you!! You DON'T LOVE HIM BUT HIS STATUS & MONEY!! I'm glad that I didn't read part 1 but you ARE selfish just from what you say here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why wouldn't HE want to THROW away 7 years YOU DID!!!!!!

Answer 2

Listen sweetie, love is an attitude not just a warm fuzzy feeling.
And you married him right? Made vows on your wedding day right? In sickness and in health? Remember that one?
And now, you're feeling guilty.
Well, guilt is a wasted emotion.
You never got a cent? You aren't divorced yet. If you really want a second chance, tell him to divorce you without giving you anything. Then tell him you will sign any paper he wants saying that if you live together, you are not eligible for any of his money or possessions. Sign this paper. Then go back and be with him out of love and respect, as you should have been the first time round.
Think I already know what you will do baby.

Answer 3

If you love each other, and he's willing to take you back, then go for it.

First off you need to clear the air between you regarding why you bolted last time. You feel bad about it, and he may be harboring some resentment deep down. So talk to him a few times, let him know that you're hoping to get back with him. If he's okay with this, then start dating again. After a bit, sit him down and explain as best you can why you left, and why you came back. Tell him you're sorry and that you made a mistake, but will not make it again.

That conversation may cause some friction, but don't give up. If you waver at this point he'll think you're getting ready to bolt again. Once things are stable you can start talking about moving back in.

I hope this helps, and good luck to both of you.

Answer 4

I am afraid you may be in some trouble.Many women leave their true love for money,not that you did.They then realize they aren't happy and want to go back.They seem confused that he doesn't want them back.I am sorry but you do not really love him,you are just scared some other women will see how wonderful he is and scoop him.I hope he can forgive you,but you must understand you gave him up.He will likely realize you dont love him and you made a mockery of the vows "for better or for worse,in sickness and in health".If you are over 30,should he now dump you because women age faster than men?Lets hope he doesn't start looking at you superficially and go for a younger hotter wife.What comes around goes around.But don't feel bad,many women dump their guy if he losses their job and with so many about to lose their homes divorce in north america will go sky high,so you won't be alone.I wish you luck but i would rate your chances 1 in 10.You dumped him in his hour of need and without trust you have nothing anyway.

Answer 5

Don't tell us, tell him...

I have to say that I went thru hell as a child myself.
Things that other people couldn't even imagine.
And so has Many, Many other people. Its a cruel world to some people..

I met the love of my life and had two children.
My daughter died from cancer at the age of 7. (1990)
I was there for her every step of the way.
She had her leg amputated, lung surgery, Chemo and more.
I held her in my arms when she took her last breath.
Taking care of my daughter, had nothing to do with my past.
I did not think of myself, only of my daughter. Plus had to take care of my son and hubby. Except when I was in Kansas City with my daughter.

The thought of your husband being abandoned during his time of need from his wife, shocks me like a lightening bolt.
Stop being selfish.... If you want him back talk to him. If he wants to get back together with you, PLEASE don't hurt this man again. If he doesn't, leave him alone.

Your right everyone makes mistakes. Some you can fix and some you can't. Why now are you wanting him back? You Love him? He has Money?
I dont mean to be rude. but I find you very selfish.

Anyway talk to him. Who knows maybe he does still love you.
You wont know unless you ask! (HIM)

Answer 6

I don't know how to tell you this, but his faith in you may be completely gone, and he may feel things are beyond redemption.

Honestly, I think the only thing you can do is tell him how you feel. Tell him everything. Ask for his forgiveness, and ask him if you can try again. And then let him make the decision. If he wants to try, you do everything to earn and keep his trust in you. If he doesn't want to try, take it like a grownup, and be as graceful as possible about it.

I am not going to call you names, because I know that I, for one, am human, and I make mistakes, sometimes enormous mistakes, on a regular basis. It's part of what we humans do. And all we can do when we really mess up is to try to pick ourselves back up and try to fix the mess we have made.

Since marriage is a shared deal, you don't get to have the final say, and since you left, I think you owe it to him to abide by his wishes. But I also think you need to tell him what you think and what you feel, so he has all the facts when he makes his decision.

And just one more thing. Do something about your guilt. That stuff is toxic. I am completely serious. Get help if you have to, but do something about getting over it.

Good luck.

Answer 7

I didn't understand the part : YOU made sure he received best medical care, YOU didn't leave him with nothing, while he is a very wealthy man ?
Well, a lot of people said their opinion, I do agree with most of them.

You want objective advice ?
It is your husbands decision wether he can forgive you and will take you back...
Regarding advice, I find the idea of Jaza242 interesting ....

You have to talk to him and find out what he thinks about you today and whatever he chooses to say, to do (except killing you)and to decide regarding your marriage is the thing you have to respect without any further objections and harassment, if you do not like it.

Answer 8

you had me until;
"but I had finally managed to get everything I ever wanted in life" and "very wealthy man" not a good father, or lover, friend. What about what he wanted, do you give back or is it just a what i want, if i don't get it I leave or move on. Yes people can make mistakes, not enough thought put into our actions, but man lady, thats a wopper. Your going to spend a lot of time making up for that one. Did you imagine if the situation were reversed. I hope things work out for you, and you see there is more to life than just wants.

Answer 9

For your sake, i hope he is forgiving...if it were me and my guy left me like that, he would be out of my life forever. You abandoned the man you promised to love forever, cuz it got scary.. you're not the only one who has had a rough life, it's no excuse!You hope HE doesn't choose to throw away 7 years of marriage....you did that. He did ok on his own, cuz he's ok now...you'll grasp at anything to excuse yourself. you need help. i think you need a psychiatrist...that's where you'll find objectivity..not here.

Answer 10

Fortunately i missed part one, and have just read your part 2! what are you doing ? I cannot belive it took you 2 years to get intouch!! what were you doing? waiting to see if he lived or died!!! And whats this comment about? " it really couldnt of been all that bad if he survived on his own" he had cancer for gods sake!! and for the " i hope he doesnt throw away 7 years of marriage because of one mistake " it was one damn big mistake. bottom line is if he chooses to take you back he is more of a man than you'll ever be a lady!!!