Why do abused people often go back for more?

Question

Abused women won't leave, or go back to the abuser time and time again. Abused children want to go home to their abusive parents. What is the reason for this?

Answer 1

The abuser has worn down their self-confidence so much, that they believe they are responsible for the abuse. They think it's their fault, that the abuser really didn't mean it, and if they just try again, things will be better. The thing is, it rarely gets better...

Answer 2

It's all about not being educated or exposed to what is proper behaviour.
If a man,woman,or child has suffered abuse from a young age, then this is all they know.
This was heavily documented when the institutions where closed down.
Indigenous,disabled and those with mental disorders had experienced abuse until they were placed in the community.
Many have trouble adapting to their freedom, and display improper behaviour as a result of early abuse. this is one group of people.
However, if the abuse is on the domestic level, the abused person/child would not usually know anyone else to turn to; and in many cases not have the funds to make a fresh start.
Dysfunctional families go through generations of abuse, because it is all they have known or experienced. To them it is normal behaviour.

Answer 3

My personal belief is that it stems from some type of trauma in the person's past that relates to the type of abuse they keep returning to. Some people feel safer in familiar surroundings/circumstances and will unwittingly seek out abusive relationships.
Children who to cling to abusive parents sometimes do so in an attempt to make the abuser love them. They feel like it's their own faults that they're being abused, so they think that if they do better, the abuse will stop.
Women returning to abusive relationships may have been abused as children or may have had absent parents and so they seek out abuse accordingly, without even realising they're doing it.

Answer 4

I believe that it's because abused people do not know where the 'boundaries' are. They may have never been treated well, with respect and love--with no strings attached. Thus, they go back to their abusers again and again in hopes that they can 'behave correctly' and win the love of their abuser.
It's very sick ,and I think it's similar to the "Stockholm Syndrome" that kidnapped people often experience.
Good luck

Answer 5

some women keep going back because the abuser said he would hunt her down and kill her, or the abuser always says it will never happen again, or the women think they were at fault. there are many excuses but i think it is basically low self esteem. many children go back home becasue they don't know any other type of life.

Answer 6

The victim believes that in some way they deserved the abuse.

Or the victim believes that they can change the person.

Or the victim believes that what is happening to them is "normal."

Or the victim believes that these people are the only ones who will love them.

And can be a combination of the above, and I imagine other reasons as well.

Answer 7

for women it has to do with battered women syndrome. when women are abused at home by their partners they feel very weak and feel like they are nothing, like they can't do anything about it, and if they do try they are very scared for what their partner might do to them also the woman may think the violent behavior by her partner was her fault, they think it is more dangerous to leave then to stay. there is a whole battered women cycle that happens during the course of the physical and mental abuse.

Answer 8

I think that this is the only life they know. Sometimes any attention, any moment of love is better than none at all.
It is scary and difficult to leave what you are familiar with, will it get better? Maybe the other side is worse. The unknown is frightening.

Answer 9

abusees lose their independence and become dependent on their abuser, it doesnt make sense but the abused person becomes unaware of whats outside and the only reliable thing is inside

Answer 10

because they have been brainwashed by their abuser to believe that they can't live without them. and if they do leave, change can be scary and difficult to get used to sometimes as well.