Dreaming of other men but my husband...?

Question

As of late, I've been dreaming of other men besides my husband. What makes it worse is that they aren't strangers. These are of guys that I either used to date or hungout with before my husband and I started to see eachother. But the dreams aren't sexual. There was one dream that I did have sex with the guy but there was no feeling behind it. Does this make me a bad wife or does it mean that there is something missing in my marriage?

Answer 1

First let me answer your two questions quickly and then let me give a little more background.

No, these dreams do not make you a bad wife, and no it does not necessarily mean you are missing something in your life.

The way you ask the question is like either or, which makes me think one or both of the options is true. You may also feel guilty about these types of dreams. There are many ways one can interpret dreams, and dreams have been an area of interest of mine for years. Now, this is just one theory about how you can interpret dreams, and there are many others. I just find this way sits best with me.

First, there are two primary parts to dreams, one called day residue, which are parts of the past day or two that work their way into your dreams. They may become distorted as dreams are often combinations of day residue and things you are working out/through unconciously.

One can look at dreams as the minds way of trying to work through things that are going on in our lives, can be good or troubling things. For example, you may have been walking and been reflecting back on your life and your husband, your sex life etc. Or seen something on tv or heard something on the radio related to past relationships or current ones.

Another important factor in dream interpretation from this perspective is how you felt when you woke up. From your question I would guess that you feel guilty about dreaming of other men, and that you have been or are now thinking about your marriage.

We dream from when we are in the womb. Newborns spend about 75% of thier sleep in REM sleep (dreaming) and as we reach old age, the amount of hours and the percentage of REM sleep decreases drastically. One theory about this is that the infant brain in being exposed to so much new stimuli that through dreaming they are processing this information. As we age, we don't sleep as much, maybe 5 or so hours, and the dream part of sleep is less than 40%.

Simply having these dreams means nothing in itself. We often have very strange dreams that are unrelated to our daily lives. Re-occuring dreams, or similiar themes in dreams have more significance in that it suggests that there is something you are struggling with, growing with, or facing in your life.

I hope this brief lesson in psychodynamic dream analysis has not been too off task for you. But just because you dream it, does not make it so, and neither dreams, thoughts, feelings, or fantasies are actions, which are the things that can truely impact a relationship.

These dreams have given you food for thought, so to speak, so just ponder what you think it means to you, how you feel about them can be a good guide. I am an active dreamer and keep my notebook by the bed so if I wake up to a particurially distressing or intersting dream, I can write it down before the details start to fade, which they often do quickly.

I hope this was helpful.

Answer 2

No, it doesn't make you a bad wife or mean that anything is missing from your marriage. I know it may make you feel uncomfortable when you remember these dreams but you have to know that dreams aren't really about exactly what you 'saw' in the dream.

If you hadn't had the dreams, would you say everything in your love-life was going well? If so, great. If not, you have something to work on, but that's not *because* of the dreams. Regardless, you probably don't want to mention them to your husband... the only thing that would do is hurt him, or make him feel unsure about your feelings or both. Then he'll get mad and you'll end up having to defend your dreams - which is ridiculous!

Think about it - if you dreamed you walked into a bank and walked out with money you stole, would you think that you had a secret desire to become a bank robber? Or that you were hiding some criminal tendencies that were only now surfacing? No. You would wake up and laugh and say, well, I either watched too many Law and Order episodes yesterday or I am worrying about money!

If you dreamed about your best friend dying and you standing at her funeral dressed in a clown suit would you think that you would be happy if your friend died and were planning a party? Maybe your subconscious was acting out the scene that way because she once told you she didn't want sadness at her funeral, she wanted people to laugh and smile and remember her life with joy and laughter. And maybe you had too much wine at dinner and it means absolutely nothing.

I have been married 23 years to the same man honey and I have had all the Harlequin Romance dreams there are. I have been swept off my feet by Vincent D'Onofrio, gone dancing with Anthony Hopkins, Scuba Diving with Dwayne (the Rock) Johnson... I could go on. Some of the dreams were sweet, some were sexy, and some were just surreal.

Relax, enjoy the dreams, they are dvds that only you can see and don't let them affect your 'real' life too much. If you keep seeing the same theme over and over again you should certainly ask if there is something in your real life that needs attention, but your dream is more like a bunch of players on a stage trying their best to act out a play to communicate with you (on the occasions that there is a point).

Hope all that rambling helps!!

Jen

Answer 3

A dream cannot make you a bad wife. Being bad is about making a bad desition. For example kissing another men would make you a bad wife because that kind of thing does not happens by accident. You cannot control your dreams so you cannot be guilty of what you dream.

It is hard to say what the message in your dream means. oh yes, dreams are your subconcious telling you something that happened recently. It could be something that affected you that you watch in the news, a problem at work or a sick family member. Dream are custom made to you and the imagery has to be interpreted by you because each person gives each image different meanings. Recuring dreams usually mean unsolved issues. Something is bothering you and you have not found a solution to it, so your mind is telling you "hey we still haven't come to terms with this issue". It could be like you said that there is something not right with your mariage but, it could also mean many other things. Notice that I did not say wrong. What I said is more like out of place. Perhaps you had a discussion with your husband and it did not end well. Or maybe you want more romance. It could be hidden desires too which is quite normal. It could also mean that you miss the way you two use to talk to each other when the mariage was new or that you want to comunicate something to him but you haven't been able to.

What I would do is think about the things that had happened recently in your life. What movie or book did you read or conversation or events in your life that you think may stood out for what ever reason. then start analizing them to see how they fit into your dream.

Answer 4

How long have you been married? Do you have misgivings about your husband's obligation to stay faithful? Maybe these other fellas you knew before him are interferring..through dreams and wishful thinking because you were snatched away. Sounds like a test on your marriage, but only you can figure out its source. When your dream finally got to the point, and there was no feeling, then you probably won! Good for you. Probably made the right choice and the innocent lamb is laying there next to you totally unaware of this pesky game being played out in a dream.

Answer 5

You didn't say how long you were married nor how happy you were in the marriage.

However, if you're just "hanging out" in the dreams it could simply mean that you are bored and are looking to just be out and about doing things instead of whatever routine you are in.

The "sex" dream didn't say with whom or what that person meant to you before your marriage, but I'd say it was just a stream of consciousness since there was "no feeling" involved.

I'd be more concerned about recurring dreams, sexual or otherwise, about one person in particular than just your mind going through your memories of men randomly.

In any case, you're not a bad wife for simply dreaming.
You'd be a bad wife for acting them out or seeking something out instead of conversing with your husband and trying to get to the bottom of it all.

Good luck!
= )

Answer 6

A dream is the experience of envisioned images, sounds, or other sensations during sleep. It occurs in humans, most mammals, and some birds. The events of dreams are often impossible or unlikely to occur in physical reality, and are usually outside the control of the dreamer. So you don't have to worry about it. In fact if it stimulates you for a better connection with your husband it is well and good. Also if you realise such thoughts are present at the back of your mind, You could always conscious about dealing with other men.

Answer 7

you can dream what ever you want but you have to be in touch with reality. before you start trying on any boy or girl you have to ask one question is this appropriate. you have to consider things like age physical features and then personality education financial security and other stuff. but physical features are the foundation for any relationship and both of you should fall within that spectrum to take the relationship to the next level. thank you.

Answer 8

Dreams are not a reflection of conscious desires, They are the brain's way of managing, organizing and analyzing information. Normally you don't even remember dreams unless you wake during them and even then they fade quickly. Don't try to read any meaning into them.

Answer 9

I think that it is normal. You can't control what you dream, so no you are not a bad wife. It should pass, just don't try them out in real life.

Answer 10

Wow, well I have been dreaming about you too. I wondered what you were up to these days.

Cool.