how can i fix my giant screw up?????

Question

ok so i cheated on my husband ( oral not sex) found out he cheated on me ... things got really weird between us it wasnt the same .. well i made things worse by haveing sex with someone else.. ( i needed some affection) i know i was wrong.. not we're sepperated and he said he dont know if we'll get back together.. hes not saying no and hes not saying yes.. i know i screwed up big time but i really do love him and want to fix this .. we've been together for 5 years and i dont want to throw all that away .. i know i need to try and build back the trust but how??? someone please help me give me some ideas on how to repair a broken trust...

Answer 1

Marriage is admiration, respect, passion and trust. ...four biggies, with lots of sub-headings, like lovies, kindnesses, solving problems without rage and resentment, learning to communicate without trouncing on the other's ego, and the list goes on and on. You each have no moral fiber, no fidelity, nor any idea what it takes to build a solid relationship.....(don't bring children into this mess.... they are divisive, not bonding....) The trust for each of you is in the toilet.... each of you has shared passion with someone else. And hon, betrayal is the only real deal-buster in marriage.... about everything else can be fixed.

With the trust gone, the passion shared with others, neither of you has admiration nor respect for the other. Hon, your marriage is badly broken, no on second thought, it is in the toilet. It will be two years in counseling before it can heal. And this with no guarantee, ask any counselor..... But you have no chance to get it together without counseling....

Answer 2

well, first of all: ****. HAPPENS. And second: people, do not judge, because you are capable of worse!

Ok....now...you have to think about what you did. Really. The whole cheating thing wasn't good in the first place. There must be a reason why you did it in the first place. If you really loved him of course, things would still be rosy. Look, im married too, have been for 2 years and i've never even thought of cheating on him. No way. It all comes down to self respect and respect and the love especially that i feel for him. The thing is: this is really bad and expecting him to turn around and forgive you its almost impossible. Of course he loves you no matter what but iamgine how it would feel if he was the one doing to you. No questions asked: you would leave. Full stop. Thats what hes doing. Give him time, he might take A LOT of time to make his final decision but be patient and do not just expect the better. Do tell yourself that only the worst might come out of it and prepare yourself for it. You made a mistake, you know you have, now its really his turn to make the step to decide what to do. I dont know under what circumstances you decided to make such a bad decision but i can assure you that the decision came from a mind that after all, wanted to do it. No matter what, YOU made the decision and wheter it was sex or just a kiss, its still cheating. To suck someone else or go all the way just doesnt make any difference. You still were with another man and you still had the thought of doing it. How would you feel if he was the one? You need to sit down and write how you'd feel about it..... thats pretty much how he feels.

Answer 3

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.

You are taking way too much of the responsibility for what's not going right in this relationship! Remember: you both cheated! THE BOTH OF YOU!

For any hope of your marriage the both of you must committ to the idea of healing; you will need couples therapy because ish like this cannot be resolved on its own.

From what you've written it seems as if the marriage is totally dysfunctional and not made out of love, honor or respect. Sometimes things like this happen to open your eyes to the possibility that you are simply no good for each other.

M.

Answer 4

wait a minute here....YOUR HUSBAND CHEATED ON YOU and then you cheated on him??? (You did have sex, I don't give a damn what you call it...didn't work for Bill Clinton, and it will not work for you). AND HE IS mad about it! Ok,.....this is off Jerry Springer, isn't it? You tell him that it is yea or nea, start from ground zero, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. NOW. If he stalls, he wants out and did before you screwed around. This is the hard cold truth. YOU have given him the upper hand in his cheating by accepting his line of reasoning and YOU want to know how to regain his trust? How about "How are YOU going to regain your trust in him?" Girl, you are either very dense or this guy has you twisted every which way but loose. Get over this crap, lay down the law, and go whichever the result leads you. No other way.

Answer 5

You are not sorry for the actual sin, you are sorry because he left you. Anyone in their right mind knows that a man does not care if he has cheated or not, your cheating is just taboo to them. I can't much blame him for leaving you. You stooped really low and proudly say I cheated ORALLY. That is something personal that close couples do and if you put your mouth on him you open your legs for him, at least you should have. Just think you went down on a person that you know nothing about, where he urinate pass gas and defecate and you want him to come and be a couple with you. I wouldn't be able to look at your mouth let alone tell somebody that you are my wife. Not that the 1st time you lower yourself, you went back and did it again, you didn't need affection, you need to have sex. Affection you get from a person that you care about. You are not a trust worthy person and I wouldn't dare sit here and try to give you advice on how to trick this poor man back into your web. ''BLACK WIDOW"" you should pray and ask God to cleanse your mouth, your mind and your life.

Answer 6

You need to show him that you are genuinely sorry. It sounds like you have both made some mistakes. Everyone has their weaknesses and insecurities. You could try counseling if he is willing. The only way to repair a trust that has been broken is over time. You will need to show him that you can be trusted, not just tell him. It will be hard, but I think that if you can work it out your love will be stronger. You will have accepted each other for who you really are. It will help you realize what is missing in the relationship and you can both focus on strengthening those areas.

Answer 7

It appears that your ability to put together a cognitive sentence is somewhat impaired, so I will do my best to answer your question.

Frankly, you should have thought about that before you went and shoved some guy's choad down your throat. That pretty much makes you a filthy whore in most people's minds...including his.

He's going to ponder this for awhile and eventually decide if it is worth it to continue the relationship. If he's smart, he'll kick you to the curb and move on.

Answer 8

1st of all, simply given that a participant asks for a timeout it's not a deliver me that the umps will provide it. I've visible hitters ask for a TO, Stepped out of the field earlier than the ump offers the adequate & the pitcher throw a third strike for an out. Same occurs while a catcher or pitcher asks for & does not deliver it. The ump did not wave his palms for the TO. He signaled a recoil. Here's the umps explaination of what occurred, from the Giants possess internet site: Lincecum flinched," Darling informed a pool reporter. "Bengie used to be giving him the indicators, then he began, stopped. Bengie attempted to hide for his commencing and preventing, known as time. I went time with Bengie after which enforced the recoil from commencing and preventing."

Answer 9

I was married to A cheater, to. But with the effort of Marriage counsling, it will go along way. 2 wrongs, don't make A right. But if you both are willing to go through counsling with the opened minded honesty& faith , you can make it. Mine lasted for 12 years after we had counsiling, Good Luck & stay devoted if you really love him.

Answer 10

Somewhere, sometime, you have to both draw a line and the sand and say if we are going to make this relationship work, we need to rebuild trust and stay faithful and make sure our word means something. It will take a long time to rebuild that kind of faith, but it can be done. Take care.