This is written about a chapter in Night, by Elie Wiesel, when he is in the train, about to arrive at Auschwitz Birkenau:
Sleep rests on our eyes,
Yet it does not find us.
Words sit in our mouths,
Yet they do not come out.
Imaginary fires flicker and dance across our minds,
Yet never materialize in reality.
And when sleep does find us,
We are awoken.
And when the words finally do come out,
We are silenced.
And when the imaginary fires that flicker and dance
Become our reality,
We have arrived at Auschwitz Birkenau.
This was written for 8th grade English and I have to write one for tonight's reading, and I may do it in a similar style, so I juts want some opinions!
2007-03-25 17:42:26 · 17 answers · asked by shanabanana922 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
i mean to have each of the second verses start with yet it... i think it connects each segment to each other.. din
2007-03-26 16:22:30 · update #1
i think it is good, but if you want it to be better i would use more words to describe the situations and feelings you have to bring it to life, like say when he is the dark train, a wowing sleep rests on our eyes , yet it does not find us.try to start some of the second verses with other words than yet. try saying like , but do not come out rather than yet do not come out. i just think it brings it all together more and it doesn't seem so segmented. maybe use wanting or yearning to describe minds. and perhaps say never materializing in reality instead of yet again. i would do away with the and to begin the second verse, say when sleep does find us we are woken maybe say when the words are finally spoken instead of do come out and maybe they are in silence. the ending is nice, just play with it a little. i would use Microsoft word if you have it . if you hi-lite and right click on a word in the program it will bring up a thesaurus. very helpful for projects like this one. definitely would be allot more excellent with some added color as i suggested, but a fine start on a very nice piece of work. i love the thought behind it, great job, wish you the best of luck.
2007-03-25 18:15:29 · answer #1 · answered by michael 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For an eighth grader, you have a great grasp of repetition in your poetry. Very impressive!
The ending might be a little too direct. The poem works great without "at Auschwitz Birkenau." If you use "We have arrived", it might be more effective. After all, that does follow the short syllable arrangement you have set up with "We are awoken" and "We are silenced".
This is very good. The imagery in it is your strongsuit. You have a lot of potential as a poet. Keep writing!
2007-03-25 17:51:06 · answer #2 · answered by Ryan M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey! For being written in 8th grade, thats pretty good! I like it. Very visual. And for those that know about Auschwitz becomes even more real. I would do something similar. If it worked then, should work now. Why mess with a good thing?
Hope this helps.
The Syko Ward
2007-03-25 17:49:25 · answer #3 · answered by The Syko Ward 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As I read, I become excited,
The more I read
I begin to anticipate.
This is the best,
Oh, for a long while,
That I have come to read.
Congatulations
On your talent,
Your reality is too true to ignore.
Your sensibility astonishes,
I think...
You should write some more.
2007-03-25 17:51:27 · answer #4 · answered by smile_girl 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think it's a good poem but i dont get the last part about when imaginary fires flicker and dance become our reality part.... but i havent read the book... So i think there must be a meaning i do not know....
2007-03-25 17:48:52 · answer #5 · answered by ramzi 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
For me a poem has to have rhythm. It does not always have got to rhyme nevertheless it demands to hit my feelings. I feel readability of expression is major as good. I do not love to moment wager what I'm studying approximately. I regularly seem for what I time period "poetic gemstones"within the textual content.
2016-09-05 16:19:47 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! its pretty fascinating. Considering that im in 8th grade i love it! I wish our book had this one.
2007-03-25 19:58:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is quite good, especially considering your age. Kudos!
2007-03-25 18:20:11 · answer #8 · answered by [operatic stock character] 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is the most powerful book i've read to date, you'll cry
well deserving of its nobel peace prize.
you'd do well to express your feelings on it
2007-03-25 17:49:07 · answer #9 · answered by ____ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your poem isn't all that great nor isn't it all that shallow neither. It's okay and it suits 8th grade readers as well, especially the poetic ones...
2007-03-25 17:50:29 · answer #10 · answered by wolframite 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋