I am about 30 years old dating a wonderful woman (who is the same age). We are very much in love. She challenges me in so many amazing ways and generally makes me a better man. We have been dating for about 2 years. We have discussed having kids several times and each time, my gf has made it clear, she doesn't want them. She has even thought that possibly after meeting me, she would change her mind (the "when you find the right person, you'll want them argument) but that hasn't happened. I am undecided. I have NO desire to have kids for at least 5 years. I never really gave it any thought in the past and just always expected that I would have them, cause thats what society says you should do. Now, I'm really torn and uncertain because I love this woman so much but I'm unsure if deciding to forgo kids is the right choice for me. I feel like I may let people down if I don't have them. At the same time, I don't want to lose the love of my life esp since I am not ready now. Help?
2007-03-25 17:20:21 · 6 answers · asked by crossroads 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Having kids is a decision you and she should make no matter what anyone else thinks or says. If you are not on the same page on what you want, then you shouldn't continue a relationship that will make one of you unhappy and eventually cause a strain because of it. You need to talk it out with her and make up your mind. Keep in mind when you say atleast five years, she will be atleast over 35 and that could be very dangerous for her and a child as she gets older. You have to decide together.
2007-03-25 17:27:05 · answer #1 · answered by dana j 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Many times we travel many paths in life - that is our journey. Along the path of life, you encounter many twists and turns. You must be receptive of ones wishes, as well as your own. Just because society and others think you should have children, does not mean you have to have children. It is wise you wait awhile before having children, as children are "gifts all their own"! Having children is a God given gift. Perhaps this one, wants to have a secure career, before having children. Remember though that a woman, as they get older, have more problems with child bearing. This decision must be agreeable to both you and her. An elder once told me, many moons ago that: " When one seeks out his kin mate, one must be in agreement with the spirit of their kin, and thus a cub is born"! "Their spirit and soul mate become as one, and one with thy cub!" No truer words spoken. Both must agree on the discussion and be aware of each others feelings. She may not want children right now, but wait and see. Many women hate the thought of children, as they take their life styles away. A child is 24/7 job. But oh, the miracle of birth, changes one a lot. A miracle that sometimes can never happen, due to one spouse or another. Perhaps, this journey and path you take is not yet, ready for you, at this stage of the game......GOOD LUCK MY FRIEND AND HOPE THINGS WORK OUT.
2007-03-25 18:09:27 · answer #2 · answered by tombowling49 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should really tell your girlfriend how you feel.If you want kids because other people want you to then you letting yourself down.If you do not want them then it your decision.But down the line you want them in 5 years and your woman still don't want them that something to think about don't you?Maybe something happen in her past that she hiding from youof why she dont want kids.Maybe she had a abortion or something and feels guilty of that.I am not accusing her of that but maybe.If she really the love of your life then you both can accomplish and over come all that life throws at you.
2007-03-25 17:32:13 · answer #3 · answered by baby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well...maybe she'll change her mind. I never ever ever wanted to have kids. but one day I found out I was pregnant. I wasnt very happy but when I really thought about it..it was the best thing that ever happen to me. I love my son and never want to be without him. I didnt hate my child its just that I thought I wasnt ready. but ready or not he came and I love him with all my heart. same thing kinda going on here..but his dad wanted kids. I didnt. when my son came his dad split and we were engaged too. bastard!
2007-03-25 17:29:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you decide you do want them, dont feel guilty about leaving her to find someone who does. having kids is one of life's great joys and you shoudlnt have to give it up for anybody. she should understand also - i mean she doesnt want them so thre. but since u r undecided i say stay togehter longer and enjoy each other.
2007-03-25 17:25:18 · answer #5 · answered by lady26 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Forget other people. Would you personally regret not having children? Could you make up for that by being with a terrific woman?
2007-03-25 17:24:21 · answer #6 · answered by Ask Aunt Amy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋