Serious answers only.?

Question

I am trying to forgive someone close to me who decided they didn't love me anymore. I feel anger at times for this person, however I genuinely don't want bad things to happen to them at the same time. This "anger" is very rare now as compared to the past several months. Which were at times almost unliveable and very dark. I have taken advice from several other very respected and loved people in my life that have seemed to help with this "anger", but any other outsider thoughts, suggestions would be great as well.

Answer 1

Sometimes it seems very hard to take the time one needs to get over a lost love--especially in this time where everything is fast,fast,fast.
I had a love relationship that ended 5 years ago and I still dream of the man I loved. I know we cannot make it work but I still wish desperately to be able to do so.
I sometimes chastise myself for hanging on in the slightest, but I know that when my heart is really healed, I'll be able to move on and consider being in another relationship.
Please be kind and patient to yourself, just as you would with a beloved friend.
You've experienced a tremendous loss--it's as big a loss a death.
Cry, yell, be angry, whatever you have to do to set it aside, do it!
Good luck

Answer 2

In all respect, there is no use in giving water to a dead horse.

If the person said they didn't love you anymore, that is your cue to let it go and accept this as closure. The person does not want to have any association with you anymore. If you decide to pursue the situation in keeping contacts with this person, it would be called stalking.

The only alternative to letting go of this anger is to embrace it. Understand what lies under the deep root of your anger. Your self-esteem has been skewed as well as your ego. Practice on your hurt and turn your weaknesses into strengths. When you get stronger in the long run through time, more people will want to love you.

I've seen better days and so have you. The only way is up, not down.

Hang in there because you're not alone.

Answer 3

YOU ARE DOING EXACTLY THE RIGHT THING!!! Time is the greatest healer of all. Loss, grief, anger...all of the deep hurts need time and space. If you can keep talking to someone, stay constructively active, you will find the anger and hurt will fade into a distant memory. Sometimes we give our love to the wrong people and it is not cherished. This is always very sad. It might be best to move slowly into the next relationship. People do not always have sincere motives!

Answer 4

Until you can truly TOTALLY forgive this person and somehow voice that forgiveness so that it is outside of you , you probably won't ever really heal from your resentment/anger, although it will subside with time. If you do not actively expel it through FORGIVENESS, then it will probably continue to cause you pain (as an open wound or vulnerable sore spot might) and it could interefere within your future relationships.
I've been plagued by that myself...took A LOT of effort to leave it behind.
After a long time, I realized i couldn't really move forward until i put it completely behind me..... Good luck with getting rid of it!

Answer 5

The best way to get over your anger for the previous person is to focus on a new love. In time, the old hurts will heal and you may even hit a point where you will be able to be friends again.

Answer 6

It really depends on how you still feel about this person. If you feel as though you understand their actions and do not begrudge them then you can forgive. If you still feel resentment etc then you can not forgive them. Give yourself time, you will know when it is right. Other people can help you through the pain but forgiveness is something that only you can decide on unfortunately. Don't feel bad for taking the time you need.

Answer 7

It's a good start for you in dealing with it.

You might try associating the memory of a time or event shared with this person that always brings you comfort or joy. Pick just one though.

Think of it, when you find yourself feeling angry or betrayed. With repetition the feeling will become less "dark" when it does come around, and it always will sneak back now and then.

This method is said to be a great help during grief.

Answer 8

It will come when you accept that it has happened. This other person has free will and a relationship takes a 50/50 effort. If they weren't into, that is their choice. Maybe you tried hard enough, or acted correctly, or maybe you didn't, you will need to accept that too.

We can only control our own thoughts, emotions and actions. Sometimes what we want requires other's commitment and they won't provide it, that is outside of our control. Accept it and embrace free choice. Then when someone truly loves you willingly and you them, it will be all the more spectacular.

Peace,

David

Answer 9

This may sound cliche but time really does heal emotional pain. It is going to take time, but there will come a time where you will be thankful that this person did what they did. Trust me I have been there and thought my world was going to end. Now four years later I am sooo very thankful. It is hard, and it is just going to take time, as well as talking about your feelings, possibly keeping a journal. Writing is very soothing.

Answer 10

you need an outlet as if you supress it you are likely to become ill. well done for getting yourself through the initial hurdle though, the worst of its over.

its hard to advise things to you as different people work in different ways. I personally prefer to see a psychotherapisr and talk through things, others prefer excercise ot hypnotherapy of one or two many other types of therapy.

anger turned inwards or even anger turned outwards without obvious cause to the problem is not good.