Love Quandry?

Question

I am married (guy #1) (yes I know shame on me) and I am "engeged to another man(guy#2)( he knew I was getting married when we met). I have another man that my heart just longs for(guy#3). I have cheated on my husband (i feel bad enuf). I would leave guy 1,and 2 just to be married to #3. However a big part of me wants my marriage to work. Here is the thing, With guy#1 (hubby) the lovemaking is good, i am happy its just he needs to take better care of himself and stop being lazy. Guy#2 im not sexually attracted to but i know he will do anything in the world for me and we would be finacially very well off. Guy#3 is a different race than me(turnon) sexy voice, beautifull guy and the sex is eye rolling,plus I know we can both make it together and be very happy but my family will not approve of us even being seen together let alone get married. I need to also say that i have 3 kids (all girls) and they all know that. I am not looking to be judged I just want some help!

Answer 1

You need to ask yourself some questions. With all that you have going on...its a literal soap opera...what lessons do you want your kids to learn from all this? Do you want them to learn that its ok that when your married that you continue to shop the man market? Do you also want them to learn that its okay to have sex with men outside of your marriage?. Do you want them to learn that marriage is nothing really much...no real commitment and you can get out of it at the drop of a hat and jump to another guy. And do you want them to learn that love is how you define it by your actions?...Yeah you have some questions you need to answer for your self. Of course you could ask yourself one more question while you are at it. Why not stay with the guy I promised my life with and brought his kids into the world and bring them up to be the kind of adults you always wished you had become....Good Luck!

Answer 2

Hmm, okay - no judgement here. It sounds like you really want to be with guy #3. You've already cheated on your hubby, obviously you aren't fully committed to him & not getting what you need from your marriage. If being with #3 would make you the happiest, then perhaps you should go for it. Your family will eventually come around, I think.

How is #3 with your girls? That's a huge consideration.

I know you feel that being married to your children's father is important. Divorce is hard on kids at any age, but many people do this & find a way to make it work & make sure their children are nurtured, taken care of, and still see their dad & have Dad involved in their lives.

Anything you decide will be difficult, it will take some hard work & won't be easy, but hopefully you will be happier for it. I truly wish you all the best of luck!

Answer 3

I don't really understand this question...you already made a choice..you married #1...what is the problem other than you have a serious committment issue to deal with. IF you do not get your act together very quickly, by this time next week, you will have guy #4, and mayby guy #5 to worry about.
Stop with the "I feel bad enough already" crap. You are not fooling anyone here, and in fact, you are probably bragging with this line. Your family will not approve of #2 either! Now, let's bring the kids into the picture....never mind, let's don't do that..not a good idea at all, is it? You have proven by your actions that you are not mature enough to raise kids, you are still trying to grow up, yourself. Your actions are those of a high school sophmore who has just discovered boys and is popular. At what point do you set a goal to deal with your life as you have committed to do so? ... After # 1 finds out about 2 and 3? Get your act together if for no other reason than for your kids....start acting like a mother, not a street walker on a collections route. Sorry to be so blunt, but I have little patience for your predicament...you put yourself into it, show no signs of stopping with just 3. Trust me, babe, it takes NO talent to get men lined up at the door. IT takes no particular skill to get them begging for more. Your need for attention is over the top, and you need to get a grip. Start now. OR...you are going to learn a nasty life lesson...you are going to end up very alone, with no children and no man....and don't think it cannot happen, it does every day. Good luck

Answer 4

No mention of the word love in your question except as a term to describe sex.
I'm not sure what marriage means to you but I don't think it is the same as it does to most other people.
You obviously don't respect or value the institution of marriage so why do you want or need to be married to anybody?
Do you think it fair to marry someone when you don't love them? If I understand you already have one husband that is an OK all rounder but have one potential who would be a better provider and another that would be great for sex.
If you love one of them and you think you can settle at that then go for it, otherwise you probably shouldn't be married at all.

Answer 5

Wow....you really are in a quandary..... The ideal solution would be to work with your husband on his "short comings"...in a loving way of course. I will assume you are in love with your husband. I am also assuming you had your 3 daughters with your husband. Stability is very important for children. If you cannot make your marriage work, then I would suggest taking a time out from the others. Financial security is not the best basis for a relationship, just as a racial difference is no reason to end a relationship.
If you choose to end your marriage it would be a very easy to step into another doomed relationship.
I think you would find it very helpful to seek some counseling. There would be no judgment and it would assist you in sorting out your feelings and needs.
I wish you the very best of luck.

Answer 6

Go back to number one. Re-read your vows. Let the others know that you are flattered, but that you need to realize your commitment to your husband... your number one. Ask #1 why he married you. The real reasons. I bet one of them is to have you to himself only. Maybe he is lazy because he feels your betrayal, and doesn't want to TRY for a marriage that won't last. Re-give yourself to him monogomously and forever with a lasting commitment... and let the other guys go. Let them go find what they crave... Something Real.... You gave your word to 4 people that you would play a certain role in their lives forever. Ditching all that for lusty selfish fullfillment will destroy many people, not to mention you. It will destroy your inner peace your faith in yourself. Your trust that you are a good person. All will be lost, and you will hurt people without thinking about their feelings over and over until you are old and wrinkled and have no good feelings left in you because you think that everyone has betrayed you when in fact YOU are the one who took the first step at betrayal.... You will be blind because you will have been selfish for your whole life, and not know compassion, empathy, loyalty, TRUE LOVE... The best learning experience, the best thing for you to do is to give up ALL your wants for the wants of the people in your immediate family. Your husband needs his wife. Your children need their mother. Most of all, the kids need their mom and dad to live in the same house and get along for them to grow up to be healthy adults. Find a way. The past doesn't matter. It's the future and the present moment that are the mile markers and the person-makers. I'm not judging you, I'm just passing on advice because I learned from experience what is the wrong and right thing to do. I gave up a lot of great opportunities for lust. It hurt me and hurt them. I don't want to be a person hurter anymore. I want people to remember me as giving, nurturing, and loving. Not... Oh I remember that bit... Good luck... Oh!!!!!! And DON"T TELL YOUR FAMILY OF THE INFIDELITY! KEEP THAT SECRET WITH YOU INTO YOUR GRAVE! It will do nothing except hurt people.

Answer 7

Ok..you don't want guy 2 so let him go ..It's unfair to him for you to play mind games and string his *** a long like that. Just stop it !!!!
I hope your husband finds this out and leaves you. I hope he's cheating on you . You deserve to be cheated on.
Now if you love number 3 ..divorce your husband and ditch the other guy and marry number 3. There is more to live then sex in a relationship. I hope your husband gets custody of your kids.

Answer 8

You need psychological help. These guys will never make you happy. Happiness is an inside job and you need to quit bouncing from man to man looking for the one that can plug the hole in your soul. Your obviously emotionally bankrupt and need to make some real life changes to find the inner peace that you need in order to be able to commit to any man. Get some help before you lose everything and everyone you care about. You're messing up big time.

Answer 9

I'm not out to judge, but you need to be careful, because whichever guy you pick, you'll need to conduct yourself in such a way that tells your choice that you can commit and be faithful 100% and trustworthy. You are walking a fine line here...no man wants a girl who changes her mind after such a promise is made. I suggest you have a serious talk with your hubby #1 and let him know you are hurting in your marriage.

Answer 10

Choose the one you need the most (in every way) and that loves your kids the most.

Go to a park or quiet place and get to know more about yourself. BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF. Don't try to live up to someone else's expectations. The older you get, the more you realize that you are here alone and you leave this world alone.

How do you want to live until that final day. ...? From here until then, what's it gonna' be? It's that simple.