I am in the process of getting a divorce. My soon to be exhusband is helping very little...?

Question

I am in the process of getting a divorce. My soon to be exhusband is helping very little. I fortunatley work from home and my child does not have to be in daycare. I am torn between moving back to my hometown which is very small and hillbillyesc but has alot of family support and staying where I currently live where I have alot of friends and I love the area. My father is a very good man and I know he would be great role model for my son but he lives in my hometown. I could also keep the job that I have now if I move. I am torn because moving back to this small town would mean I am surrounded by family drama and an overbearing mother but I would have the family support and a great role model for my son. Help

Answer 1

You are the best judge of what choice would be most beneficial to you and your child. I suggest you consider the pros and cons of each decision, listing all of them that you can think of. Add to the list whenever you think of an item to add. In time, the list will help you in making your decision very clear.

Best wishes.

Answer 2

Your happiness is important to your development and success as well as your son's. Maybe what you should do is move back home for a couple of years save up some money and then move back to where you are currently living. it sounds like you are happier where you are now. But if you don't wan to keep uprooting your son, You may be surprised about how your perspective changes from when you used to live in your hometown as a child, and now being a mother. You may have a more positive perspective towards your hometown. What about growth? Do you think that you have a lot of opportunities for growth in your hometown, what about your son? Will he have access to a good school, when it is time? What about access to different cultures.

Ultimately the question will be what is healthy for my son and I?
If there is a lot of drama going on, then that may not be best and if your mother is going to be causing you stress, that's also not good.

Answer 3

You answered your own questions. Why be around an overbearing person when you have friends you can be around? And as far as a role model goes, your father can be that from a distance.As long as you know you have a great family for support, I think you will be happier on your own which in turn will make your child happier too. The problems caused by well-meaning family can sometimes be a burden and cause depression in your life which you pass on to your loved ones. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck!!

Answer 4

Stay where you are. Chasing down your father to help raise your son is not the answer. You say you love the area and have a great network of supportive friends. Once you get past the pain of the divorce, you'll probably meet a great guy down the road, who will be a great (step) daddy. Showing your son that his mom is a strong, independent woman makes you an effective role model.

Answer 5

As far as your (ex) husband is concerned, divorce effects us in very different ways. I was devastated over mine (I'm OK now...thank you).But as far as moving goes, that will have to be your decision. Is the father a good role model for your son? Does your son want to move away from his father? These and many more issues need to be addressed before you make up your mind.If you decide to move then you'll just have to inform your overbearing mother to back off, it's your family and the decisions made will come from you! Peace.

Answer 6

Wow this is a good question. A role model for your son is important BUT him seeing you happy and without "drama" is just as important....how far away is your home town? Too far to travel? Hun you do what you think is best for your Son and yourself. If you two are happy then nothing else really matters... BTW I think it's cool that you have a "at-home-job" and are able to stay around your son throughout the day. Pray about it, even if your not religious...how old is your son? Talk to him about it if possible....and if your still unsure wait it out for a bit, ya never know what will happen, Good luck !

Answer 7

This is a decision YOU have to make. Weigh the pros and cons and then decide.

In the meantime, WHY is your ex NOT helping you? How far into the legal process have you gone? You need to seriously discuss your hardship with your lawyer. If you don't have a lawyer, you better get one fast!

Maybe your dad knows a good one for you.

You should be getting CHILD SUPPORT at the very least. Some kind of settlement needs to be arrived at too, or Spousal Support for you as well.

Good Luck! Don't let your emotions cloud your decisions at this time.

Answer 8

My child is now 14, but I remember those days. I have come to realize that nothing can take the place of family. Believe me, I LOVE my friends, but they are for me. My family is for both my child and me. Time goes really fast after having a child. You only get so many years with them before you're not the one they want to be with anymore. You will have plenty of time with your friends after your child has grown. Give him/her the role models that you feel will be the best influence for his/her lifetime. I am truly sorry about the ex. That in itself is difficult to deal with.

Answer 9

Other than child support, your soon-to-be ex is not obligated morally or legally to "help out". As for the decision you have to make it's a toughy and I've been there myself. But I can tell you that if you can make it on your own, it might be best to do that for YOURSELF before moving home. Personally, healing was much better once I realized I could make it ON my OWN. No ex, no family, just me and my daughter.

Answer 10

Doesn't sound like you are more than 45% ready to move back home yet .... I would stay where you are until you know for sure that moving home (100%) is the right thing to do.