Should I stay or should I go......??? I want to seperate but dont know if its the best thing now?

Question

I am bi-polar and going back on medication, I am having some problems with my relationship and want to seperate. We are going to councleing in a week, what am I supposed to do with me feelings and anger until then? Should I look into getting my own place now? Should I wait until after counceling? I have asked and wrote him asking for him to talk to me. I hear about stuff on the news and things like that, I find it really irritatting that he can just look away from my hurt and pain. He asked what is wrong with me?? and then yells at me that he cant fix this, what dose that mean? I am so lost, hurt, mad,dissapointed.... I dont know what to do. I am scared to know but not knowing is worse.
Please serious answers only......

We have been married for 14 yrs... together for 22 and have 3 kids....

Answer 1

First of all, you need to take care of yourself. It is only a week, although I can imagine it seems like an eternity until your counseling session. I have relied upon my friends and supports that provide constructive criticism and point out what is hard for me to see but to the outside observer, is more obvious. Worst thing you can do is react (without real thought) vs. act (pre-meditated action). You may regret it later. Can you stay at a friend's or families house or at least go out for a while? Not drinking or anything destructive either. How 'bout support groups for Bipolar D/O or Depression? I'm kinda in the same spot except we are leaving each other. Men, I believe, are more doers than women. They get on with what they need to do while we analyze and think about it. But...if we do it right, we heal where they bring their unresolved issues into the next relationship, or in your case, their current one. Dr. Laura sometimes has some really eye-opening and blunt information and suggestions. I just read that women should "get lives" and interests as men do. That is what I am doing; busying myself. Try and keep busy with self-care tasks. Good luck and stay patient.

Answer 2

This is a very important decision, that ultimately resides with you. You had to know that there was going to be some worse times because you acknowledged them in your wedding vows. This is the worse part, don't give up before you have even tried, go to counseling, your husband sounds like he isn't listening or understanding what you are going through maybe the counselor can help in that aspect. Listening and hearing are two different things and you have to do both in order for there to be good communication. Make your decision after counseling. Try at least for the kids. Dont stay together just for the kids, if it isn't going to work, but at least try for them.

It might be best if while waiting for counseling you guys hold your tongues because once it's said it can't be taken back.
About the anger, find a way to cope with it not by yelling at him or your children, but try running, or beating the pillow when no one is around, or find something fun to do. Don't focus on things that are going wrong and how he hurt you because you will never get past your anger. Positive thinking saves lives as well as changes them.

Answer 3

Hon, there is no way you can make this decision yourself right now. Get to a doctor y ou trust, take along your mom or someone who knows you to help advocate...dont let them drug you silly, but get back on the meds you know work. There is no way to tell how much of the arguments and confusion are being caused by the mood swings and how much is from the frustration of the illness and how much is just every day life. When you get some balance again, you will be equipped to make these decisions....part of the bi-polar illness is the desire to make sweeping all or nothing changes....recognize your symptoms, get some help from a good counselor, say a prayer....

Answer 4

I feel in this case that you should get the counseling and help first before deciding what to do whether you should stay or leave. He cant fix you is what he is saying BUT you can work on fixing yourself with medication and counseling so you can be better to and for him. Good luck to you and i hope your relationship can get better with time and healing. At least you are seeking help to better things. I also suggest couples counseling for both you are your partner as well.

Answer 5

first you are not explaining yourself very well dont understand what the problem really is all i see is he looks away from your hurt and pain.................hurt and pain of what? and what does the news have to do with your problem????? if its because your bi-polar and you are goin back on your meds so what its obvious he already knows this and that shouldnt be the problem since you have been together 22 years... and who have u asked and wrote to your husband??? are you already seperated??? you need to make your question more clear.... and detailed as to what the actual problem is.....

Answer 6

first you need to get stable before you make any serious decision such as separating, divorcing, etc. Bipolar is a physical, life long illness and medication and counseling are necessary, the medication especially. go to counseling, get on the meds, get medication monitoring via a psychiatrist, etc...do that first before you make any decisions...good luck! as for what to do with the feelings until then, journal, exercise, talk to a trusted, empathic friend or family member...I can't emphasize it enough, get stable first...take care of you!

Answer 7

Stay until after counseling. Give it a little while; if you still feel the same think about separating.