How do I build my self-confidence and esteem without offending others?

Question

I will admit that I do have some body issues, self esteem issues, and I worry waaaay too much about what others think of me. So lately, I have been trying to encourage myself to hang around people and make friends with people who are positive and are interested in being positive and making a difference, instead of just being down in the dumps and complaining about everything, and ultimately, bringing me down with them! However...a lot of my old friends do not think this way and I tend to get really negative around them, and I end up wallowing in a collective pool of misery. I don't want to cut off relations with them completely, but at the same time I do think I need to be around others who share the same positive energy I would like to have.

How do I do this without offending my old friends, so that they don't get the impression that "I'm too good for them"? Or perhaps, I should stop caring about what others think of me and do what is best for me in a respectful manner to others?

Yes I also realize that many of my self-discerning issues are interrelated-- I just need to be able to have confidence to not back down.

Answer 1

Hi Flowerorchideye (love your name) We've talked before. After reading this I get the idea you are on a self-realization trip. You mentioned your mother is kind of obsessive about her physical appearance and has influenced you in the past. Now you are getting to the point of being your own person, but don't want to hurt those around you. It is hard to tell how old you are. You write like an educated young woman maybe in college or already in the work force. Most young people today cannot put a complete sentence together, much less organize their thoughts as well as you do.
So, you have had some self-image issues in the past and are actually doing something positive about that. I cannot praise that enough. Now, about your old friends who are so negative. Have you ever heard the expression "Misery loves company."? Your old friends are not going to like you being happy, positive and upbeat. They want you to be miserable like them. I love your last paragraph. Respect is a much maligned attitude these days and that is a shame. I grew up respecting my parents, elders, public figures and so on. As I got older I noticed that some of them really did not deserve respect, but I put that behind me and looked for something good in everyone. Even older I realized that there were people who not only did not deserve respect, they actually should be shunned for their wrong doings. I know now that there is good and bad in most of us. Me, too.
But the idiots that think they have a right to point out anyone's imperfections and mistakes usually have a lot to hide in their own personalities and just want some "company" in their misery. So by all means, look for friends who are focused on self improvement and doing positive things and gradually ease yourself out of the old group who want to keep you beaten down so they can feel big by pitying you.
Remember what I said about being Woman with a capital W? Be proud of your looks, your mind and your triumphs.
Feeling good about yourself is a GOOD THING!
Remember we only get one try at the gold ring, so don't waste it on people who don't want you to be happy because they are not happy. Be nice to them, but move away toward the new, more positive group who are going places.
You are doing really well. Keep it up.

Answer 2

You are worrying about everyone but yourself, and it's a big waste of your energy.
You can't read minds, and you can't control what others think.
Trying to do this keeps you from giving yourself the time and attention you need---planning your day, your week, your year, your self-improvement projects, etc. Wasting time obsessed with other people just lets you delay getting your own life in order. And, if you truly pay attention to yourself, your favorite things and dreams, you will be more fun to be around. But you must put yourself first-----if you do this, you will look better, you'll dress better, you'll think positive, and you'll be more interesting to talk to.
People that are negative, racist, sexist, and depressed are usually just projecting their own SELF-HATRED.
If you take care of yourself, you will be a great person to know.

Answer 3

Trust me it helps
http://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/downloads/self_improvement/self_esteem.html?1596