The day's just beginning
You see the girl you love
You don't know what to do or say
You're friends, you talk to eachother everyday
On the phone, computer, etc
You're walking with her
Talking, laughing, having the time of your life
The sun hits ya, you smile at her she smiles at you
It's time to say goodbye
You hug and walk off
You're walking, past places where we played as kids
Later you talk to eachother
Time's ending
You say you'll see eachother tomorrow
You know what
You're in goddamn love
Is there anything else better in the world
2007-03-25 14:54:35 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
It is strong and powerful. Very vivid. From one wrighter to another. Though it should not matter what anyone else thinks of your work as long as you are happy and like it. That is all that matters.
2007-03-25 14:59:01 · answer #1 · answered by mnpeterson31 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're so proficient. i understand i've got reported that till now. this would nicely be a deep significant poem, it would desire to be a diverse variety than you utilize now besides the shown fact that it is so stable to me. Drown my soul in wash of sorrow. build my doubts and pass away me hallow. you recognize i'm keen on you. I desire i'd desire to open up the type you do.
2016-11-23 15:41:01 · answer #2 · answered by bise 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Weak,, i'll even give you a stanza
Closer then close
As I coast
myway on this lonely highway
shes on my mind.
Thinking of her all the Time.
I might give her a call
And Take her to the ball
See YOU HAVE TO RHYME
IM me if you have questions
2007-03-25 15:22:17 · answer #3 · answered by keithr2003 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yea it's good. But, you should try and make it flow a little more. True, Poems don't have to rhyme but should have a solid structure. I can see where your going with it but it needs a little more.
2007-03-25 15:03:12 · answer #4 · answered by Z31Racer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a REALLY good poem. It does have some parts were it really doen't make sense, but other than that its really nice. Write more for practice. You have a lot of talent.
2007-03-25 14:59:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
a lot of potential! It was really good. I personally don't favor poems that rhyme. So yours rocks. Write out loud!
2007-03-25 15:06:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's okay, but I can tell you're not a published poet. You don't have very vivid imagery. Make the reader see what you're writing about.
2007-03-25 14:58:39 · answer #7 · answered by lytlLyd 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nice one!
not all poems rhyme and thats ok!
go you!!
i love writing poems, it's a great outlet!!
2007-03-25 14:58:49 · answer #8 · answered by amyjess007 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋