Why do my grown sons hate me, their Mother?

Question

They both are married with children of their own. One son inparticular, shows utter contempt for me, his Mother. He seems to be nicer to his father, my husband. Both sons married very controlling wives but my heart is broken beyond belief. His words to me cut like a knife. They were both the light of our lives. We gave them everything we had in this world. Our home was filled with laughter and love. They were sent to the best schools, best Universities. I am very sensitive so what he says in hatred, just about kills me. I've had to bury them both while they are still alive. It's the worst kind of death. Their wives can be very hateful toward us. One son has just used us to get what he wants and now that he is successful, he doesn't want us. We love our grandchildren but the women want their families only, so we are excluded. I'm desperate. We have no family other than them. I don't want to sound like a martar but I am running out of the will to live. Help

Answer 1

sometimes sons marry girls like their mother you say both sons married controlling females. You must of been somewhat controlling while they were growing up and they feel resentment for it. Other that bit of information in your question no one knows aside from your sons

Answer 2

You gave them everything so it is most likely you gave them much too much.

Too much is what is behind a ot of the problems in many places now.

I will bet when their children grow up they will have much the same problem.

No matter what the reason it is to late now to do things different so learn to stay out of their lives and let them make their own mistakes. Be sure not to help them in any way unless it is absolutely necessary.

Find something else to get involved with.

Do not think you are the only one. this is very common now.

Answer 3

It may have been something small, but a grudge was developed. However, being happy for them and how they grow and succeed is what a parent typically strives for. Regardless of how small things can make a person say things they don't mean. If something were to happen to you it would hurt your family, because how much one member of the family likes another varies, but theres love there whether is shown most of the time or not.

I hope this has helped you. Just remeber that you precense matters, even if you not aware of it.

Answer 4

If you really meant this last statement;
"I don't want to sound like a martar but I am running out of the will to live."

I think that I know what the problem is. You wiegh very heavy upon them. My mom was similar, there were other issues ( I'm sure there's more to tell, isn't there?), because she would not care if I put up a wall between her and some of the subjects that she would bring up.

Just because you are their mother doesn't mean that you don't bug the crap out of them at times. Respect their boundaries and learn to recognize them. I'll bet you haven't been doing this, and believe me when I say that they know when you bite your tongue, and they especially know when you should have.

Bite your tongue, understand why later.

Don't pry, don't dramatize! My father is doing just that now. Not the prying so much, but the drama-- it's completely unacceptable. NO DRAMA.

So when you said that last thing about killing yourself-- stop it. It's unacceptable to even entertain that kind of thinking, and worse to broadcast it. Keep it to yourself and hopefully someday you will know how it affects people who feel obligated to care about you.

Don't you believe in God? Where is your mind at? Is this all there is to your life is helping your kids to chasten you wilth silence? Where is God in your life? You seem completely devoid of any spiritual maturity.

Answer 5

you should talk to them about it.... even though you probably have. when your feeling sad that maybe they hate you, think the opposite. they should thank you for bringing them to this world, and for growing them up. and for teaching them the right. becuz if it wasnt for you, then they probably be in a worse condition than they are now. if anything, they should be lucky. realize deep and down that they really love what you and your husband have done. they should be thanking you. if they really do hate you then maybe you have to look at it that you may be trying to interfere with your grandchildrens learning process. let your children teach their children how to grow up. you had your chance being a parent, let them. and if your not interfering, then your kids just have problems that they need to work out. not you. dont go kill yourself over this. thats pointless.

Answer 6

We need to hear your sons side of the story. With all due respect, this story is not adding up. Your home was "filled with laughter and love" but yet BOTH of your sons are speaking harshly to you.

Answer 7

i've got faith that the extra absent a father is from one's life the extra they might intend to make him out to be a foul guy. i do no longer think of maximum teenagers have faith the flaws there mom grew to become into asserting or is asserting, i do no longer have faith that adult adult males are undesirable even in spite of the indisputable fact that my mom stated they have been. It relies upon on the guy and in the event that they have been raised in a hateful residing house or there very own adventure with adult adult males. i do no longer think of maximum teenagers have faith that and adult adult males might think of they're valueless because of flaws human beings the respected or enjoyed did in the event that they have been a guy, i think of, individually that folk are having little ones they are in a position to't guard and then call the Dad undesirable because of fact they did no longer stick around while they might desire to have watched who that they had little ones with AND the Dad might desire to of stayed in the event that they only made a mistake.

Answer 8

That's truly sad! I don't understand how they can be so cold hearted! But at least you have each other(u and ur husband) But i f you must, talk to them and make them see that you guys need them and that their love is very important for you! They are so ungrateful!

Answer 9

ma'am i am sorry to hear that your kids don't like you but you have posted your question in the wrong catagory, please try posting it under the parenting section (I think that is the one that you need). Good luck in finding out what is up with your son's.

It sounds like you need to see if you can get both of them and their wives on the Dr. Phil show, and he will help you get into family counselling.

Answer 10

I think only your sons can answer this question.
Make friends. I do not associate with my immediate/blood family, but i feel like I have lots of family members. I have friends.