My husband and I have 2 kids and one on the way. Our middle child has cerebral palsy so it has been a tough year. We got married on July, 15, 2006. My husband is always either tired, aggrevated, or doesn't want to take the time to be romantic. I feel like I am still single at times or think that I would be better off! Our 1 year anniversary is coming up and I need ideas to help our marriage.
2007-03-25 13:56:09 · 9 answers · asked by tab 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Having a child with a disability puts a lot of strain on a relationship. A lot of men blame themselves when a child is born with a disability. My friend had a downs baby, and the husband thought he wasnt a real man for producing a baby with a disability.....the child was an embarrassment to him, and they ended up divorcing. While this may not be the case in your situation, having a child with cerabral palsy takes a lot out of both of you....physically and emotionally. Some men keep their pain inside and it shows with the way they interact with their spouse....maybe hes blaming you...maybe hes blaming himself.....who knows, but something is going on, something is bothering him. You would have to give your child with cerebral palsy so much of your time and attention that maybe your husband is feeling left out.
Who cares for the carer? That is something we, as parents, dont really consider. We want to be the best possible parent we can be...especially when there is a child with a disability. You need some help....you need some respite.
What you need to do is to find someone who can look after your children for a night perhaps....book into a motel and just take the time out to get to know your husband again....show him he is just as important as your children. You need to show him that having a child with a disability does not have to destroy the relationship between the two of you. You have to be realistic and you havent failed as a mother if you realise that raising a child with cerebral palsy places great stresses on any marriage. You have to ask for help. You have to have respite. You have had a tough year for sure and you are expecting another child. My goodness with all the stresses, no wonder he is feeling the pinch. With the time you spend with your children and now another one is going to impinge on the time with your husband, start seeing things from his point of view. Your one year anniversary is coming up and you will have 3 children. Its a wonder you can find the time to be romantic with him. Something will give soon if you dont find a way to give your husband one-on-one time. Its too late now to take back the choice to get pregnant again......your life has been filled with the responsibilites of children....and one who has cerebral palsy.....hell, thats a lot of responsibilites to take on, and then another child on top of all of that....thats a lot to take in for any man who has only been married to you for one year. Take a break from mothering for a while and allow yourself time to be a wife.
I wish you luck, you have a lot on your plate. Talk to your husband....see how he is really feeling. Maybe he is bottling up a hell of a lot of emotions. You need to find the time to talk.
2007-03-25 14:14:31 · answer #1 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get some one in the family to sit with the kids for a week end. Plan out a honeymoon for you and your husband. It doesn't have to be extravagant or go beyond your pocket book. Just rent a Motel that has a restaurant and lounge with a band for dancing. Or, rent a Motel close to a nice bar that has live entertainment if you both like to dance. If neither of you are into the bar scene. You could take in a movie, and have food brought to your room, rent movies. And just have a nice peaceful quality time for 2 whole days alone recapturing the romance you both once shared. You deserve it more than just once a year. Every couple needs to get alone away from the kids and the stress once in a while. An anniversary is a good way to get this started.
2007-03-25 14:07:26 · answer #2 · answered by Vida 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try sending the kids to their Grandparents for the weekend.
Then spend your time together without the children, getting to know each other again. While you are getting to know each other, Talk to him. Ask him what is bothering him, try being the one to initiate a romantic interlude between the two of you.
Men do get tired of being the one to initiate intimacy. If none of this works, try Marriage counseling to save your relationship with your Husband, Divorce should only be used as a last resort.
2007-03-25 14:31:18 · answer #3 · answered by RW357 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's something creative that will be appreciated and you will have fun doing:
Make up a crossword puzzle and have all the hints be personal inside moments and jokes that only you two would know about. Put it on a poster board and add some clipart and some pictures to it!
The crossword puzzle could be time consuming and a bit frustrating ... you could do the same idea with a WORDSEARCH or WORDFIND puzzle.
Put your computer skills to work! Use Excel, get clipart from Yahoo Images Search, copy them, and reformat them, use a gluestick to put on posterboard.
Use graph paper, and pictures from magazines if you are not as good on the computer, and it will give it a homemade feeling.
2007-03-25 17:00:35 · answer #4 · answered by Reserved 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I bet it feels like one thousand years already of being married. I would come out and straight forward on why he is like he is.
Have a family bar-b-que or a night out alone to a hotel room with room service.
2007-03-25 14:09:17 · answer #5 · answered by Emily L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is pointless asking on right here by way of fact none people recognize your boyfriend or the styles of issues he wish...in simple terms examine out what he's involved in or enjoys and get him something touching directly to that. Or attempt to ask him (no longer in an obtrusive way) and you will get some help that way
2016-10-01 11:55:19 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i understand your children situation, but if it was possible you two should try to take the weekend off and be alone to catch up. Try going on a weekend vacation, or maybe a 3 day cruise.
2007-03-25 14:00:27 · answer #7 · answered by tee 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Buy some Victoria's secret and start working out.
2007-03-25 14:00:23 · answer #8 · answered by anthonyjthan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is too stressed.you try to be romantic to him and make him feel loved.He will response
2007-03-25 14:13:56 · answer #9 · answered by raul 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋