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How can I make my husband more interested and active in my pregnancy? He is trilled with the whole thing, but I want him to really be doing some research on what I am going through, how the baby is developing, and what to expect when the baby gets here. I don't want him to be clueless and I wan to be able to have real conversations with him about this stuff! I got him a father-to-be-book and he thought it was cute but hasnt picked it up, I don't want to assign homework, I just want him to want to know these things. (ha, story of couples lives, really!) Any advice?

2007-03-25 13:36:49 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting Pregnancy

16 answers

As others are saying, it takes time.

I did almost the exact same things that you did, but it wasn't until the baby seemed real that he started to get involved - to a point.

With my husband, he read the first few chapters of the book. I asked him to come to the ultrasound appointments which he didn't want to do at first, but did just to please me. He was surprised when he saw how 'babyish' the baby at such a young age. From that point forward and after reading the book, he would drill me about my protein, calcium, etc. intake.

Now that we are in our 20's weeks, found out that we are having a boy and had a big unfounded scare about the health of the baby, he is much more involved.

All through my pregnancy, I was sure to thank him explicitly for anything that he did for the baby and/or me. The turning point came when I thanked him for something, and he got short tempered with me and said, "Why are you thanking me? It's my baby too. I want to do things for my son."

After seeing the ultrasounds, he started the habit of talking to the baby. The happiest day that I had during my pregnancy was when he 'conspired' with the baby against me when I wouldn't watch football video with him and went to bed instead, saying to my bulging tummy, "Don't worry about her. She gets a little crabby sometimes. When you come out, we will watch football and turn the volume up so that we can't hear her."

We crossed another milestone when he felt the baby kick this week. He now has started talking to the baby more and will run over when the baby starts to kick consistently so that he can feel him.

Give him some time. During the first trimester, I outright asked my husband what I could do to help him feel more involved. He told me, "It doesn't seem real yet. I am sure that I will get involved once it's real to me."

That's exactly what happened.

2007-03-25 15:29:04 · answer #1 · answered by kittyrat234b 6 · 0 0

OK men are kind of Macho so you have to take a different approach dont buy him a babies magazine, but buy him one that says father and baby or fathers and parenting and give it to him to read when youa re both sitting or lying down together, I did this with mine and he stayed up hours reading it, also why dont you go on the net on yahoo and go to pregnancy ultrasounds, it will take you to a great site where it shows each ultrasounds and talks about each stages of the baby week by week, do it while he is sitting beside you and you can say hey look this is what is happening this week, seriously mine got really interested that after I stopped showing he started asking me, so what part forms this week etc.

Make sure every time you go to ultrasounds and check ups to take him with you, this is very important and he will start to get more emotional about it each time, then get excited when the baby lifts its arm or foot..

Ask him to caress your belly, it shelps relax the muscles, and I think it helps them bond a bit more with the changes that are happening, my husband does it so much now that he notices the second that I am showing more than before

Best of luck

2007-03-25 13:48:23 · answer #2 · answered by jazyj 2 · 0 0

In a situation like this, men have a tendency not to concern themselves period. You will have to after a nice dinner - sit him down and have a very direct, warm and soliciting heart to heart. You can't beat around the bush. You need to let him know how important his participation and his love and support is going to be during this time. I don't know if you'll get him all involved with the 'dirty details', but you may have to settle for little things. Perhaps you can get him to agree to hold you, touch your body as the baby grows and changes shape (especially when the baby starts kicking), send him little cards to remind him of his 'part' in all this. Get videos that you can watch together - maybe you can agree on one night per week when you are dedicating the evening to the 'baby'. He might relax more if he can see 'in your eyes' how this would enhance your relationship with him and effect the way things will be when the baby comes. Good luck

2007-03-25 13:43:28 · answer #3 · answered by THE SINGER 7 · 1 0

don't make him read up on what your going through...he's not interested in reading books on what a woman goes through while pregnant. Why haven't you gotten the picture by now? if your husband is attentive to your every need while pregnant, then you should let the book thing go, cause in the end, having him read books on pregnancy isn't as important as having a loving husband who's there for you and your unborn baby.

2007-03-25 13:50:58 · answer #4 · answered by Ghanaian Princess 4 · 0 0

Sounds like my hubby. What I eventually ended up doing was signing up for some enews letters via email. They come once a week and tell whats going on with the baby and me during that particular week. I would leave it opened so when he sat down at the computer all he had to do was start reading. Works like a charm. We then casually talk about things later.

2007-03-25 15:19:22 · answer #5 · answered by angie 4 · 0 0

You do the research and share it w/ him. I left the baby books/magazines in the bathroom and my hub started sharing facts w/ me!! Also, we started reading to each other from whatever interested us every night before bed. Tell your hub that this is good for the baby because it soothes, and keeps him/her from kicking all night. Its a good habit to get into anyway and it starts some great conversations. BTW if your husband's an auditory learner this may be the best way for him to absorb information.

2007-03-25 13:43:37 · answer #6 · answered by mamasonny 3 · 0 0

Good luck! My husband is excited but could not care less about researching anything. I think its a guy thing. When you see hime sitting around doing nothing walk up to him with one of your books that shows the development and say "look honey this is how our baby looks right now". Thats what i do with my husband. They mean well its just hard for them to understand. Congratulations!

2007-03-25 13:42:49 · answer #7 · answered by J&A 3 · 1 0

i was the same way wiht my husband the first time but u cant make him do anything. men jsut arent interested in that stuff usually, what i did was make sure everytime i read something interesting i told him about it, like when the baby cna hear and what the baby is doing not, he liked when i told him but he wouldnt read if for himself.also i read my books infront of him and had him read certain parts i thought he would be interested in, i tryed watching the pregnancy shows on tv but he hated seeing the babyes being born she he would turn the channel when he was around lol, dont worry he wont be clueless, he just willbe asking for your help alot its ok.

2007-03-25 13:42:01 · answer #8 · answered by cudybug 3 · 0 0

My husband seemed more interested as I got farther along. I think when he can start to feel the baby move and kick it makes it more real for them. Right now he may not feel everything you do. (I'm not sure how far along you actually are)
Bring him along to appointments if possible. This way he can hear baby's heart too. If he can't make the appts. maybe try to schedule your ultrasound on a day he can make it. Talk to him about your fears of becoming a mom, maybe he will discuss his fears too.

2007-03-25 13:43:22 · answer #9 · answered by krispeds 3 · 1 0

That is how my husband was. Then I started getting him involved in doc appointments and sonograms. That was the only way and only time I could get him to learn. He might be overwhelmed right now. Just wait until the baby comes. He should get more involved with you and your child. The is bonding unreplaceable when you baby comes. There is no words to explain. Good luck to you!

2007-03-25 13:41:35 · answer #10 · answered by ley86 1 · 0 0

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