My Wife Cheated On Me; Is There Still Hope?

Question

My wife is an extremely insecure woman who cheated on me while I was away from home securing a new job for us when we moved to Maryland. She blames me saying that she was lonely and it was a result of what she claims is two years of unhappiness that she never bothered to tell me about. I still love her and am willing to forgive her. But I'm not sure she wants to fix our marriage. Is there any hope or am I wasting my time? I don't know what to do. My family, my daughter, and my marriage are all that I have and all that have ever mattered to me in my life. Now I'm lost.

Answer 1

Yes there is hope in general but reading the specifics of your case I'd say you've got a hell of an uphill climb.

First off, you mentions she blames you. Let me stress this point: she blames you! How insanely crazy is that? Until she's willing to take some responsibility for her actions you don't have a ghost of a shot of saving this marriage. And frankly by blaming you for her infidelity she is shouting out loud and clear how immature she is and that she doesn't intend to work to save the marriage at all.

You cannot save the marriage on your own, you'll only be courting future disaster, more cheating, more blame, and more hurt.

If you can make her understand this and she realizes the damage she has done, then maybe you guys can work together to save the marriage (I hope so because things are going to be really tough on your daughter if there's a divorce).

Sadly though sometimes divorce is the best option. If you've really got a wife that's this immature you're in for a lot of future heartache, and will be providing a really horrible example for your daughter.

Good luck man, I feel for you.

Answer 2

Yes i feel there is still hope for this marriage . See if she is open to working on the marriage with you and seeking marriage counseling and help for the marriage as well. Is she remoresful and sorry fo what she has done to you and to this marriage? See if she wants to fix the marriage ... Sit down and talk with her and ask her what she wants to happen in this case. I understand you feel lost and hurt and betrayed right now but try loving her and working on the marriage if at all possible. Maybe she did not know how to tell you that she was unhappy during those two years and now that she has take it from there and try to work on it.

Answer 3

I have hope for you, but I'm not sure about your wife based on what you wrote. You sound like a good guy (well, based on as much as one can gleam from 8 lines of text). The fact you are willing to try is a good sign, and that you are speaking forgiveness speaks volumes. But until she can take responsibility and be accountable for her own bad choices, the odds go down. Blaming you for her infideltiy isn't good. I recommend you insist on counseling and, if she doesn't go within four weeks, separate and begin to plan on a life as a single father.

Answer 4

You can try counseling, but I honestly do not think that it will help, and if it does, not for long. She has cheated, and there is not excuse she can give to excuse it. Instead of feeling shame and asking forgiveness, she used blame as a excuse. I am a divorced father, and it hurts like heck to acknowledge it, but the sooner you do, the easier it will be. As for the kids, no matter what, keep them out of your two's argument and never ask them to choose or take sides.

good luck and hope you find a real woman next time.

Answer 5

She is wrong and yet blames you. Thats typical & manipulative behavior. And you willing to forgive her shows youa re a good person, but you deserve better then this. YOU will never trust her and she will probably do this again. File for diviorce and get custody rights. Im sorry this happened. She should have told you the truth, what she said was no excuse to be unfaithful.

Answer 6

Of course there is hope but are you truly able to forgive what she did. There are so many marriages that are still together even though there was a mistake ten years ago but then agin there are so many divorces depends on how much you love her can you live without her?
If you had a son what advice would you give him? would you say son if you still love her forgive her? or would you say you deserve better. its only your choice if she is a good wife i would try to forgive if that is the one mistake.

Answer 7

Man, don't be so hard on your self. Its not your fault. And being lonely is no excuse to cheat. If she really loved you, and wanted to spend the rest of her life with you, she wouldn't have done what she did. I say, find one of her family members to find out what really happened cause I don't think shes telling the truth.

Answer 8

No. She blames you for something she did. That's a real block. And then there's the fact that her interest in you and your relationship has slipped low enough to do that and then try to blame you for it, clearly demonstrating she has no integrity.

Man, how long did you two date before you married?

She has a major character flaw: no integrity. People with integrity don't cheat. People with integrity don't blame others for their own behavior.

Answer 9

I dont know, she may have done this thinking you were out cheating on her, while out of town.... But, cheating according to the bible is grounds for devorce, for sure!! But there's been people who have been known to stay together and just opt to go too counseling, instead of breaking up, you know.. So, if you two want to try to make it work, you can always go too church together, and counsel through the church preacher, or pick your own counselor, you know.. good luck to you two...

Answer 10

There is hope, but if she really doesn't care, you are probably wasting your time. Flat out ask her if she wants to work on the marriage or not.