family problems?

Question

My boyfriend and I got married in December. We got married in the court house in Boise, idaho. every one was against us going for the jump. and it didnt give time for are family to get to know each other and to like each other. Now were married and are family's are still at each other were. she doenst like him and he doesnt like her. Its bull ****. I want my family to be there and his family to be there. but nice my family lives near by they want to come see me and jake. but my husbands brother is staying with us. and when my family wants to come over, his brother just wants to leave and not see them. if I did that to his family were I would just leave and not want to see them. they would take that as being wrong and mean. but if I did that my husband thanks its not the same. I dont think our families will ever get along ever. cause no one wants to step up to the plate and get and try to get alone. I dont know how much I can take. I love my husband but I dont know how long I can take

I feel like I am doing my best trying to get along with his family. Its just hard to call cause I dont really know what to say to his parents. and they arleady hate me as it is. I feel like I dont know what else to do. I need help. Im out of things to do

Answer 1

look if people dont like the two of you being together then thats their problem not yours as long as you are happy that is what counts the most - if his brother wants to leave let him - they are all ignorant - dont worry about it - get on with your own lives - then that way they will make themselves miserable

Answer 2

No one will ever try to get along so get used to trying to work around that. If you see a counselor, maybe he or she could suggest ways that you can maintain a neutral ground and not let things get to you. If his brother wants to leave when your family comes to visit, let him. Say that you understand he has problems dealing with your family - actually, he is trying to work around the situation by leaving. At least he's not there arguing, drinkin and being an ******. Be thankful he gets up and leaves.
The fact that you let his leaving bother you is what you are complaining about. Don't let it bother you. There are a lot of things like that - that start with you thinking everything should work a certain way - well, that would be nice but it's not likely to happen anytime soon. You need to appreciate all the adjustments people make, appreciate the calm, not try to force people to get along because it would make you happier.
Mainly, you will be a calmer, happier person if you can master that. And your marriage will benefit.

Answer 3

See this is why only nazis and coyote poachers live in Idaho. It's a crazy place!

Okay kidding. I have been to Boise many times as a consultant for HP (they are technically out past "Garden City" which if you are a Star Wars fan is a lot like Mos Eisley.) Heck I've tubed down the river and been to Bogus Basin and eaten a 'Flying Pie' pizza.

Anyway, it sounds like the whole relationship and marriage has been rushed.

Why? Give us more info on that.

In-laws getting to know each other -- not even talking about *liking* each other -- is always tough. They would've liked to have had time to slowly get to know one another. Your sudden hurried marriage forced everyone together and no one is comfortable in that situation. You sort of made the decision for them and many people will just be contrary to be safe.

Tell them all you know it will take time for everyone to get to know everyone else. Perhaps plan small get-togethers where only a few from each side meet - it's less threatening. Start with the core - moms, dad, siblings. No one else. Then slowly expand out to cousins, nephews and all that jazz.

Answer 4

Hey, you are my neighbor. I live in Nampa!

You must have gotten married so fast. It is not your fault or your husband's fault that the two families don't get along. It seems like they were like that before you even got married to each other. They are all going to be like that, and that's who they are. There is nothing you can do to make it better for either family. It is sad though.

If you keep trying to fix both families and put all your energy in doing so, it is not going to be fair with your husband. Your husband is now your family. Put all your energy on him!

When time comes for your family to visit you, just make it to where you spend time with them only, along with your husband. Tell your husband that he needs to tell his brother ahead of time that your family is visiting so he can make other arrangements for himself, like visiting his family. You can't make his brother stay there if he doesn't want to. But, you can make him get his own place.

All you two just need to do is be polite to the both families. Right now, both families are being immature and not being reasonable adults. Instead, they are acting like little kids. Just don't waste your time trying to fix things with them. Spend the time with your husband and start thinking about your future.

Remember, they are going to be who they are. And you can't change them, they have to be willing to change their attitudes. Enjoy your own life with your husband, because you both deserve to be happy! (smile)

Answer 5

as for the husbands family noone is ever good enough for the son and same with the wife's dad you will have to prove yourself to them and your family that you are a big girl and you love your husband.my mother inlaw and i were at odds alot but now she is my best friend and i tell her everything even what an *** her son can be.it's not easy at first but i wish it will for you...good luck!

Answer 6

Call a truce and tell both sides that until they can commit to trying to work together for both of your sake that you want nothing to do with them. Sorry, just my advice.

Answer 7

Be yourself. If they don't like you, it's their loss. Be polite while they are visiting.

Answer 8

god bless you sweetheart! your in my prayers! it will get better as time goes on.

Answer 9

Pray about it. Jesus is awesome!!!