For a resume how does this sound?

Question

Objective: To join a successful organization that provides a positive environment that allows room for growth with opportunity to learn. I would also like to put into practice my business skills achieved through work experience and education that I am receiving in college.




Work Experience:

Barbara Ann Roessler Ministries - San Juan, PR- Orlando, Fl. (May2006-Present)
• On the job training in service, management and sales.
- Experience includes; working with children in private school and summer camp. Management and sales in the ministries bookstore.







Related
Experience Language Applications:
• Bilingual: English/Spanish (fluent)

Computer Applications:
• Microsoft Office Suite: Word, Excel, Access, Power Point, and Outlook
• Microsoft Money
• Adobe Photoshop
• Smart System Accounting Program



Education:

• Florida Metropolitan University– North Orlando, Florida (February 2007 - Presently attending)
Bachelors Degree in Business Administration - Management
Volunteer work : Oviedo Police Explorer, served 99 hours of community service and
Received vital skills that have been engraved into my character.



References: Furnished upon request.

Answer 1

Good 1st draft....

Suggestions:

(Edit) References:Furnished upon request.
It's a traditional closing statement on
many resumes.

You don't need it. It's implied.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Av5HH_xEm9h1aGiIlGOmcY7ty6IX?qid=20070310050150AA7RA0o&show=7#profile-info-3f222d17f8cf48897715fd5f39a8cb64aa

(Change) The Summary. Currently, you used the objective as a summary. Example...
http://www.howtomakearesume-today.com/entrylevelresume.html

---Sample from Website-----
Objective
Training Position in Marketing/Sales

Summary
Recent university graduate with extensive writing, research, planning and effective communication skills. Have held positions providing counseling, customer service, and sales management.

Added note: I would, I am - good words for expressing your feeling, your needs. Phrase your sentences to reach the potential employer.

Answer 2

I have some criticisms.

Your objective sounds very vague, wordy, and has a lot of "buzzwords". "Positive environment," "room for growth," "opportunity to learn," are all, well, meaningless terms. I suggest something more concise, clear and direct. I do not know what sort of your job you are applying for but I'd make the objective much more suitable for the job you are applying.

For example, if you were applying for a job as an accountant, I'd list my objective as something like, "To join a top accounting firm as a new accountant." If you were applying for a job as a janitor, say something like, "To join the custodial staff of a top service company." Just be more direct.

Under your work experience section, I'd also make some changes. Rather than saying what you experience "includes" describe exacltly what you did. Under the ministries section why not list a few bullet points that described exactly what you did? Begin every bullet point with a verb and include accomplishments that you are proud of. Something like:

Barbara Ann Ministries (dates....)
*Oversaw the finances of the ministry bookstore
*Supervised children three hours daily
*Managed two part time employees
*Received three seperate citations for excellent work

It makes you appear like a go getter and makes an employer want to talk to you!

Other than that it looks great! Good luck...

Answer 3

Not bad just add that you thrive on challenges and you can jump tall buildings with a single bound. You have a good start just try to add more action words and high light your accomplishments like you and sell millions of dollars or you have this or that award.

Answer 4

Nice but a little light on experience.....add some examples of tasks you've performed that would be applicable to job being sought.

eg: I taught..., I helped...., I cooked... etc...
Good Luck.

Answer 5

you might have the ability to get a reference by utilising way of school, i would not concern to plenty approximately adventure, yet attempt to snatch a job (everywhere) over the Christmas era as multiple locations recruit.

Answer 6

objective-- ALL companies feel like they fit thisdescription. shorten it a bit.

To join a company which will enable me to broaden my experience while helping them to attain their goals.Make at a win-win deal.
--
Work experience, your job title.
---------------
Otherwise, go get "em. Good luck,
----------

Answer 7

That sounds really great to me!

Answer 8

all the best!!!!!!!!