MY WIFE IS IN THE US... I don´t want to move there... what to do ?

Question

Hello, my wife (american) is currently working in the US and I don´t want to move there. (I already have the green card)

Since I am specialized on the CO2 market and renewable energies, moving to the US would waste 10 hard years of university which I´m not ready to do...

My wife would like to go on with her studies in the US, in places where I wouldn´t find a job in my field.

What to do ? Any good advise ? We´re right now 8000 miles away and flight tickets are really expensive...

I feel like having to choose between losing an arm or a leg...

PS: when we married, I was too optimistic concerning the US job situation... I discovered later that a lot of things are still state-owned and require citizenship... which I need 5 years for

I would really like to stay with her and don´t envision a divorce. But the fact is we´re apart.

Answer 1

Many people are in the same situation as you are. If you start asking the way you ask this question - then I am thinking that LOVE to your wife (and kids - if you have) is not the priority at this point. If you are ready to give up LOVE, then nothing - not any advice from us (outsiders) would matter to you. If you are even contemplating on divorce at this point, then LOVE does not matter to you - and therefore nothing even matters to you at all. You are just asking this question just for the sake of trying to ask it - but in all reality - your decision will prevail no matter what people say.

But - if you are willing to listen, then here's my two cents worth of advice.

First of all, I do not like any bullshit from you - you said you have a Green Card. But then you complain about tickets to the U.S. being so expensive. If you have a Green Card, then you must have been coming to the U.S. every year in order to maintain the STATUS of your Green Card... otherwise - if you just stayed in whereever country you are staying without coming to the U.S. for more than ONE YEAR, then you would have lost your Permanent U.S. Resident (or Green Card) STATUS. But you were complaining about expensive tickets... so did you actually maintain your Green Card Status - by coming to the U.S. every year?

Also, if you are indeed University-educated, it is not hard to find work in the U.S. Since you are a Permanent U.S. Resident (Green Card holder), then all you need to do is have your University education be evaluated by any of the following credential evaluation companies:

http://www.ece.org/
http://www.gcevaluators.com/index.html
http://www.wes.org/
http://www.iacei.net/
http://www.ierf.org/
http://credentialevaluation.org/
http://www.foreigndegrees.com/

Or, you might want to check out the umbrella organization of Credential Evaluation Services at:
http://www.naces.org/

Once your credentials have been evaluated then you will have the opportunity to get on a job that is equivalent to what you have right now. Much like a parallel transfer (if you will)

If there's a will, there's a way **** - so don't you make any more excuses.

Answer 2

1/ divorce, neither of you is that committed to each other, and a job is much more important, if your lucky you can have it in your later years, or maybe they'll kick you out the door when your skills are no longer required.

2/ Rent the movie "The Family Man"

The 16 hours a day you don't work have a value.
Had a few jobs over the years, none were as important as family.
Divorce!

Answer 3

The thing is you really need to talk to her and let her know that you do not want to move there because your career. Understand though that a marriage is about compromise and both one of you will have to give up something. She is trying to further her education and you do not want to give up your career. Is it worth it to wait five years to have the life you want to keep your wife. Till death do you part. So times might be hard but talk to her and weigh out the possibilitis. If you feel she is not worth it and vice versa you married the wrong person.

Answer 4

You need to talk to your wife about this. My fiance and I are 5000 miles apart. He didn't want to come to the US, either. But the fact is that it's more reasonable at this stage for him to come here than it is for me to go there. Without skills in his native language, there really are no job prospects for me in his country. It was a hard conversation to have, but we finally did have to decide whether and when we really want to live together, and what to do if life in the US doesn't work out for him.

But you are already married, so talk to her and make plans for your future together. Or decide to end the charade and be permanently apart.

Answer 5

If I'm not mistaken I believed when you marry a US citizen you have the right to come to the US. Hey, its a great place to live and I can see why she is here. If you really love her, maybe you ought to think about the move, if not, then get ready for those expensive trips. Good Luck to you.

Answer 6

This is something that the two of you are going to
have to work out together. Marriage is a lot of
give and take and someone is going to have
to give even if they don't really want to. Or make
a lot of expensive trips. What about boat trips
are they any cheaper than a flight?

Answer 7

Hello Nicolas! oh...welcome to my world...i know how u feel..Cause actually im in the same situation as u are..But i dont like america for otehr reasons, this is why im apart from my boyfriend. Yea, he is american and i live in europe. we are not married, and i cant go to visit him.. U have got green card at least. So we decided, that its better for him to move to europe, cause im not ready to get married (if i wanna get green card and stuff) and wanna stay in europe.. Try to talk to her, at least she would like to move where u live... Or dont leave ur country untill u find a job in usa...maybe she could help u with this..huh?

Answer 8

Personally, I would speak with my wife, if I were you. There has to be a common ground you both can agree with. Getting a divorce is an extreme solution to your situation, so please don't do that. See if there is anywhere else you both can go (where she can go to school AND you can work), and be happy together. But, I honestly believe you should speak with her first, and see what common ground you both can stand on happily and comfortably. Good luck!!

Answer 9

ultimately, the issue will be decided by the values that both of you are governed by. So, no outside advice is going to be of any help. Look within and let her also do the same. Then accept the result with equanimity.

Answer 10

Maybe your wife could take a trip to where you live. If you are married to an American, then you should be legal now because somebody is legal here.