So what should I do? We were having sooo many problems right before the BIG wedding, that we decided to postpone it (cancel it and just get married in court when we get our stuff sorted out!). I'm not sure if that means I should move out, and give him some breathing space (he's taking it pretty bad, as am I) or stick through it in our (his) place...some days, I think he's staying out just so he can avoid me since we're not getting along, and I think it's not fair since it's his place...I also would not mind...this way, he can see that I can do fine by myself ( I think he sees me as a burden since I moved into his place)...so, do you think me moving out will make our relationship worse (he might see that as pulling away) or better (seeing me as more independent, and fighting less since i"m not around)
2007-03-25 11:53:13 · 16 answers · asked by ingrid 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You're going to have to ask him what he wants, not us!
2007-03-25 11:59:53 · answer #1 · answered by Pom♥Mom Spay and Neuter 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I may be jumping the gun here, but you often seem to ask questions where you don't trust your own answers, even though the people here generally end up coming to the same conclusion as you do (at least the normal, non-freaky, non-religious-zealots and people without loads of emotional baggage do). It's like your decisions need some sort of validation from the chorus of people here before you'll go through with them... but then again maybe that's the point of this place.
In any case, the reason you're here is to find out what other people think, so my opinion is you should move out. From this and your other questions, it sounds like you-the-real-person-deep-down-inside has been crammed out of existence for too long, and it's time you got back in touch with yourself - as cliched as that sounds.
Enjoy being the person you are: immature, late, disorganised, moody, clumsy, whatever. Don't be so concerned about changing or not changing - just be. It sounds like it's too hard to do that with your fiancee around, so it would be easier for you to do this, with a clear head, on your own.
I don't know though - obviously now it's very messy for you, and it must be very difficult to figure things out. Good luck no matter what you choose.
2007-03-29 11:51:28 · answer #2 · answered by Craig H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk it out. You are/were planning on getting married to this man. marriage is hard work and sometimes married people don't want to live in the same house, but talk and work through it. It would be good practice for when you do get married.
I also think that some time apart can enrich a relationship. Perhaps you are right, maybe he is thinking of you as a burden and it is causing some of the problems in the relationship. All you can do is ask him to sit down with you and be brutally honest about his feelings and what he would like to see happening to the relationship.
2007-03-25 19:00:08 · answer #3 · answered by Melanie J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to TALK to HIM about this...he's the only one who can answer all these questions about your relationship. Also, if you guys ever do get married (and I'm not saying you won't) I would HIGHLY reccommend pre-marital counseling. I don't know what happened in your relationship to make you postpone the wedding, but you need to sort all that out before you try again, even if you are "just" getting married by a justice of the peace. It's still a legal marriage, and just as big of a headache and heartache to break up as when you've had a huge church wedding.
2007-03-25 18:58:28 · answer #4 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously he is not ready to settle down. It looks like that he has a drinking problem and his partying comes first. I would move away and make a new start in life. Even though it hurts give him his ring back, move on.
I would just move on it were me, I did that one year ago. I found a man that wants to be with me. I moved away period, this guy is looking for me and I am not phoning him.. Presently he is trying to get my phone number through family and nobody is giving it to him.
Your problems will not disappear if you get married, some people are not compatiblie together. There is immature people out there who see weddings at a distorted view.
Some men will pick a fight when they want to go out and party for the sake of leaving for the evening or evening out alone.
Don't give your power away by living in a nutshell, or don't be naive. I use to follow my ex to parties, he just nothing but a ******* jerk!
2007-03-25 19:48:10 · answer #5 · answered by Emily L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should talk to him and tell him how you see it when he keeps leaving the house, and in your comment you put that you wouldnt mind to move out so he can see you can do it on your own, it shouldnt be a matter now whether you can do it on your own or not you were just going to get married where your sharing your life, and you shouldn't feel like a burden you two decided to live together and share a home you are the women he chose to live with no need to feel that way...unless there is was more going on...
2007-03-25 19:09:12 · answer #6 · answered by Renee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him what he really wants. If you guys really still want to get married then you should not move out, that will only tell him that you don't want to work things out.
Maybe you were both having cold feet, most couples fight while they are getting ready for their wedding.
Try to figure out if you are right for each other, then make a dicision.
Ask your fiance to tell the truth about whether or not he really wants to get married. Tell him you will be understanding no matter what he says but he needs to be honest so you can move forward. You also need to make sure this is really what you want. Marriage should be forever so take your time making your decisions.
2007-03-25 19:17:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do these things in order:
1. Talk it out. What do you want to do to fix the problems?
2. Stick it out. Make the decision as a team.
3. Move it out. If it isn't working after all the trouble, get space. Abscence makes the heart grow fonder. Or was that abstinence? Either way, you both need some space.
2007-03-25 19:10:23 · answer #8 · answered by Your Uncle Dodge! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I must give you kudo's for calling it to a halt, now on to the hard stuff here. I think it's past time for you two to sit down and talk. Ask him straight out if he wants you to move out. That does not mean you will not work things out and end up happily married eventually, what it means is that you both need a bit of space and time to your self. Tell him you do care and love him, but feel that you both need a bit time on your own to sort things out. Do not just up and leave while he is out, be a woman and an adult here. Dont fight, dont yell and scream or place blame. Just talk.
2007-03-25 19:16:12 · answer #9 · answered by sassyliz32 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your fiance need to sit down, and talk about this. What happens next can change the entire event for the rest of your lives. Depending on how well (or not so well) you handle this, can in fact either send you both reeling to the opposite corners of the earth, or bring you both closer than ever together. Yes, I believe you should discuss this with your fiance instead of us, but! It is good that you ask this "outloud", which means that you want to find a good solution, and you want it to work out. So.......I say.....sit your man down, talk with him, explain to him how you feel, and where you want this to go, and then open your ears and fully listen to what he wants. Because if you both are not on common grounds, then you can take the next step as to what needs to be done! Good luck to you!!!
2007-03-25 19:41:06 · answer #10 · answered by Tapanga 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move out and give each other space. If you do, you will realize if he is the one because maybe you might not want to go back there once you discover other things. Give yourself space and move out at least until things get better.
2007-03-25 18:58:15 · answer #11 · answered by I MISS YOU! 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋