I have really had enoth of him breaking his promises, and he stayed away for a week and i really really had a lovely RELAXING week, but his mum is right in the middle of her cemo, and his nan is very ill, the two people who meen so much to him, should i stand by him throgh this or be honest?
2007-03-25 11:47:17 · 27 answers · asked by MITA 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If he has pushed you to the point of wanting to leave him because of the way he has been treating you, then he must take responsibility for that. The fact that his mother is going through Chemo does not take back the fact that he has been treating you badly. People have to be responsible for the way they treat other people and they have to learn there are consequences for their actions. Consequences for your husbands actions is that he has pushed you away, that you no longer want to be with him, that you are sick of his bullshite.
Did he care about how you were feeling? Did he care about the fact that his broken promises have led you to wanting to leave?.....No, he didnt, he didnt care one little bit about consequences. And now the consequences are staring him in the face. He needs to accept total responsibility for what is happening now.
If I had fallen out of love with my spouse because of the way he was treating me, then I wouldnt care what he is going through. He didnt care what you were going through, so why consider his feelings more than your own.
If he was a decent man and treated you well and it was just a matter of the two of you drifting apart, then I think I would stay to support him through this difficult time. But if he has been a lousy husband, then the saying is true....you reap what you sew.
You have to do what is right for you, and if staying in this marriage any longer than necessary is causing you pain, then its time to leave. Im sure your husband has friends/family who can support him through this. You would not be his only support. Do what is right for you.
2007-03-25 12:11:10 · answer #1 · answered by rightio 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nobody can answer this for you, it is your decision and yours only. You can try talking to him about him making promises and then breaking them and tell him how it makes you feel. Chances are if he has just started breaking his promises that it is because of everything that is going on right now. If it has been happening for awhile and you are just now finally getting fed up with it then maybe it is time for you to walk away.
You should not stay in a relationship because you feel obligated to do so, you should only be in a relationship if you love the person that you are with. Sometimes love isn't enough, some people do grow apart and some people grow closer with time.
In my opinion you should always be honest with those that you care about.
2007-03-25 18:57:18 · answer #2 · answered by vixenangel_ia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It all depends on your own mental state..
Staying with him because his mom is ill ?
you dont want to leave this man..
Is he making you happy? or are you only happy when he is not there.. 5 yrs is a long time..
I think you should have a talk with him tell him what you expect of him and what you are willing to tolerate with.. if he cant live by your happness then he needs to go.. if he can stay away a week and you felt as though you had a vacation.. you need to re evaluate your relationship..
Pray about it.. God will give you the right answer
2007-03-25 19:05:44 · answer #3 · answered by Krystal K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What promises has he broken? To be home on time for dinner, or to remain physically faithful to you? BIG difference between the 2. The first one you need to get over, or realize that he's habitually late, and that's a minor character flaw he has. The second is a little more serious, and I couldn't live or trust someone who continually abused my trust in that manner. So I really can't answer your question until I know what promises you're talking about him breaking. I'm also assuming you're not married.....so technically you can leave whenever.
2007-03-25 18:55:22 · answer #4 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say be honest with him. He does not care about your feelings. Do you think he would stand by you if the shoe was on the other foot? Sounds like he cares for no one but himself. So make him happy and let him have only himself. Partnership involves two people, it takes two to make it work. If he can't do his share, than he deserves to be alone. How close are you to his mom and nan? If you are close, you can continue your relationship with them without him. In all honesty you don't need him.
2007-03-25 18:56:12 · answer #5 · answered by Vida 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They always say your heart speaks for you, follow your heart and you will never go wrong. Think of your own personal happiness. Hey, nothing stopping you from being there for his Mom during her chemo.
Also don't be a push over to be considering other people's feelings into the picture. Maybe you are too nice, those are the type of people who get walked on. Don't be a man's doormat.
2007-03-25 20:28:49 · answer #6 · answered by Emily L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to think about if he has changed recently because of the illnesses in his family. Is that what's getting you down or has it always been that way? How long has his mother had cancer for? Is it recent or has she had it on and off for years? If it was recent then it might be a bit rough on him, especially if there's a chance of it being terminal. Nobody knows your relationship like you do so the decision is yours.
2007-03-25 18:56:05 · answer #7 · answered by nellymartyn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you already know the answer to this one. Of course you have to be honest.
Ok, it may be rough at first, but if it weren't for the cancer/illness, it could well be something else...an important event he's looking forward to...a job change....etc.
You can't allow his family troubles to hold you hostage. It doesn't mean you will stop caring about his mother or his nan. You can still be sympathetic. But you also need to be true to yourself.
Good luck.
2007-03-25 18:52:26 · answer #8 · answered by allaboutthewords 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, I used to be a Cancer advocate and Cancer Activist for 10 years, ... the only person who you can take care of is yourself first, 'you' are the one who knows best the situation, yes it may seem selfish, you may have reprecussions, but until you can feel it in yourself not to feel an inkling of guilt, you need to realize you are a person who deserves the best even in a storm of confusion. I wish the best for all parties involved. You will be in my thoughts.
2007-03-25 18:59:37 · answer #9 · answered by darkastrologer 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In difficult situations like this and there are many, you have to think of yourself first. I hope I answered your question. For me staying away for a week and breaking promises would be a no-brainer. It's over.
2007-03-25 18:52:18 · answer #10 · answered by Irish 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋