What is my ex playing at?

Question

This is quite long.
I lived up north in the UK and got with my best mate as I was due to move down South.
He decided he wanted to be with me and he moved down with me.
I fell pregnant and he convinced me and my 2 other daughters to move back up North where we got married.
Immediatly after the wedding he was chucking off his ring and leaving me, he was a drug user, violent and very abusive
He was always throwing me around infront of my girls and left me 5 times in 4 months,
One of which times was 2 weeks after a C-Section
If I asked him to feed the baby it would be 'bye *****'
He once left me cos I wanted to go for Xmas Dinner.
Anyway I left him after 18 months of hell and went back down south.
I tried to maintain contact but I was told to leave him alone cos I was a fruitcake, So I did.
I filed for divorce and had my address withheld and all of a sudden he says he wants to see the baby.
Visits were arranged at the contact center as he'd tried to snatch her before >>>>>

He turned up to the 1st session then not the next 3
He now says that I should take her up North
But I just discovered tonight that his parents have moved
How does my baby ever contact him in later life ??
I'm so angry with these games all the time

He is very violent he chased his boss with a machete

He wants me to drive 200 miles up North so he can see her
This is through solicitors
My baby was conceived where I live he moved away,
I just returned here
I don't get any child support

Answer 1

Why would you want your baby to have contact with this sick person? Your child is still a child who needs protecting. That should be your first and foremost concern--keeping them safe. Count your lucky stars he's gone and pray he doesn't come back!

Answer 2

I would only do what the court has ordered me to do, and not make any other effort what so ever. I would also at every opportunity, point out to the courts his violent behavior and drug use. I would also make sure they knew you are scared to death of this guy and fearful for the life of your child. Do not under any circumstances meet this guy anywhere other than the contact center. When your child is old enough, about 16 or so, then explain exactly why you are no longer together, but make sure you state only fact and leave all personal feelings out of this talk. don't bad mouth him, just state he was very physically abusive to you and you did not want to stay in a relationship where it might one day extend to the child. Don't back down on the one good decision you have made by leaving him, do what you have to to protect you and your children.

Answer 3

Since he's not paying child support, I think it is hard for him to make demands. Check with a lawyer but it wouldn't make sense for that to be true.
As in all 'he said, she said' cases, it is up to you to document everything you've said. Are you still in the process of filing for divorce? All of this - his demands and his history - is pertinent in a divorce. You don't have to do anything - in fact, I don't think you SHOULD do anything until a judge orders you to.
I'm surprised you stayed in contact with him as long as you did. Now with legal proceedings, you have a chance to make it all history, behind you, a closed chapter. So take advantage of the opportunity and follow the advice of a good lawyer, ask lots of questions and share everything you know. The story of him chasing his boss with a machete needs to be documented, I think - people say all kinds of things in court. The way he's tried to snatch the baby before, although he doesn't pay any child support - that's also not good.
This marriage has to be ended in a court of law, not by playing games. Maybe he's trying to complicate matters by focusing on the baby now but keep things going and talk to your lawyer about how intimidated you feel. You wouldn't be asking these questions on Yahoo Answers if you felt secure.
Good luck, I hope things proceed and you are rid of him. It's good when you can have your phone unlisted and he doesn't know where you live. It's just too bad you had children with the guy but what is done is done and a mother loves her children anyhow anyway!

Answer 4

Do not let this man have anything to do with your baby.. I do not agree with what all these agony aunts say in the magazines quoting 'any contact with a father is better than none at all' This is complete rubbish...

I had a contact order in place for my irresponsible ex to see his children. Even though all the fears I had were ignored, the judge decided that it was time for the kids 4 and 2 to spend the whole weekend with him. My 1 year old daughter barely knew him. I don't think so, so I broke the contact order. 6 months later, he still hasn't seen them. And I don't plan on letting him see them in the near future either.

You're their mother at the end of the day and as long as your doing it for the reasons of the children - do what you think is best

Good luck x

Answer 5

Men are strange beings. I have a similar problem with my ex although we have been living apart seperately for 2 years, he still tries to keep me on a string. I had a child from a previous relationship but he accepted me and treated the child as his own. I had an unplanned pregnancy which resulted in a miscarriage, aterwhich he wanted to have another baby, and that resulted in another 14 month old boy. But at 4 months in my pregnancy, he walked out on me, refused to take my calls, placed all the bills and rent on my name, left me in peices, threatened me alot, was going abroad all the time, he has no responsibilties, always smoking weed, joining columbian people, he has changed so much, it is unbelievable. For my first son, he was a perfect dad, always helping, and enjoying changing/feeding/playing with him went through alot of depression and heartache. Just remember to think of your children and remain strong. He is definately playing you, he is trying to have his fun and still keep you. Try to move away from him, meet new friends, try different things, just keeping trying, soon he will be a memory. Funny, how, sometimes , even though he is the nutter, you are always refered to as the fruitcake. Wishing you all the best..hope that this gives you the knowledge that you are not alone, there are many others who in the same boat..

Answer 6

I think that you are right to get away and if i was you i would start a new life without him and don't let him know where you are,.It will be very hard but it is something that you have to do before he kills you or your children.I am male aged 50 and never like to judge if i have not been there,i have never taken drugs but really think you have very little choice but to move and start a new life but make sure you don't tell him where you are and if any one finds you it must go to court and if it does you will have a good case to say that you have made a new start for not only your safety but for the safety of your children.If you have seen your doctor or the police then it will be on record what he has done to you'Forget him start a new life.

Answer 7

Tell him if he wants to see her he can come to her. I would make sure that someone is there at all times. I would get a order of protection from him. He sounds like he is a man who has a lot of problems that he needs to work through before he can even think about seeing his child.He needs to get some professional help for his anger and the way he did you that is not a man that is a coward to hit a woman specially right after you had a c section.. You seem to have your head on straight do not let him come near you or your children with out someone else around.

Answer 8

It sounds like you still have some feelings for him yourself. But your priority is your child. He doe's not seem stable enough to be in her life right now. you need to have these things placed in front of a judge and have his rights terminated. You will be doing the child a favor and later on in life if he has his self together than shall he receive any kind of contact with this child. See you have to look past the bull he is feeding to you and feeling sorry for him. lying to your self saying that your keeping him away from the baby how good is a hot tempered person chasing his boss with a machete for your child. Get it together girl before you lose your child from endangerment.(Even if the endanger-er is dad)

Answer 9

You answered your own question. Your ex is violent, abusive and a drug user. Keep this person out of your life and out of your children's lives UNTIL he has completely changed his life. He should undergo rehab treatment, and counseling for the abusive behavior and violent behavior. If he can't/won't do all that, then you just keep the kids away from him, for their own protection and safety. I don't know what the UK equivalent is, but in the US you can get what's called a restraining order. It basically says that if person X comes within 100 yards of person Y, it's against the law, and person X can be arrested for violating the restraining order. All person Y would have to do is immediately call the police. You might need to get one in this case as well, contact a lawyer/attorney/solicitor to find out what steps you need to take. In the US, it would probably be a cut and dried case, because all you have to do is establish a pattern of violence and abuse. Best of luck to you, and please stay safe!

Answer 10

I feel for you. I don't know your local laws but I would suggest that you seek legal intervention. How could you trust him with your precious child. Just because he fathered the child does not make him a father. I know from experience.He is going to put a strain on your life and that of your children. If you have proof of his actions then there is no reason the law should not help you. Get away far away. You deserve, and your little ones deserve better than that. Don't You. Be strong.

Answer 11

Doesn't matter what part of the world you live in, a jerk is a jerk!! Get it set up thru the courts, do your part as far as visitation goes. Just make sure that the courts are aware of his drug abuse and violent behavior. You show up at the contact center, and every time he does not you will have proof. Only makes him look bad. As far as your daughter wanting to see him when she gets older that will be up to her, and in this day and age of instant info, it is not hard to find anyone. Just always be honest with her and never talk bad about her dad in front of her. Believe me I know from experience it will be hard to do, but it is worth it in the long run. My son is 27 now, and he still loves me! His dad has been gone since he was 6 mths old. They do have contact with each other, but it is mostly up to my son!