i've been in love with this guy since middle school. He liked me when we were in 2nd year highschool. I didn't know that he liked me until one night while we were chatting online, he told me that he USED to like me before and now he stopped liking me. which for some really odd reason made me love him more. well we used to be close, but when he got a girlfriend a couple monthes later we didn't talk, and hang out as much as we did before. and a while after that we got into a really dumb fight, and ignored each other for about 5 monthes.
and after the 5 monthes we became friends again, but the fight really affected our relationship as friends. what should i do, i'm really confused.
2007-03-25 11:28:33 · 4 answers · asked by cassandra59 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
I'm sorry to hear you are having such a tough time. Love is so hard sometimes!
The main theme I see here for you is a focus on the past. There's lots of it - it defines the guy, the relationship, and your current state of mind - Mainly, you and this guy go way back and for one reason or another, never made it past "liking each other." What you seem to be holding on to is the "what if?" Most of us do this as a way of not facing our present day fears and struggles. In short, it's a form of avoidance or denial, to live in a dream state from the past or the future. Forgive me for intruding, but to me it sounds like you need to ground yourself.
This is what I do when I need grounding:
Sit at a table. Take your hand palm side down and touch the table.
Describe what you feel against your palm...temperature, texture...
Now, answer these questions as honestly as you can:
How old are you? Where are you?
What did you do today?
What did you want to do today but you didn't?
Name one person you absolutely know would come to your rescue in an emergency.
Remember who you named and write down the name someplace safe.
Next, identify a personal short term goal in your school, work, or family life. (avoid making the goal even remotely about this guy in question)
Focus on this and only this, for 20 minutes.
When you're done gather all of your feelings, good and bad about this guy you originally asked about.
Can you put some type of border or line around those feelings? Do this.
Give the shape a color. Next, imagine grabbing the colored shape and burying it deep into the ground. As deep as you want. Make sure the shape can't get out.
What do you want to put on top of your buried shape to keep it from coming out? Rocks? A boulder? A house?
Keep it safely in the ground until you know it can't get out unless you say so.
Now, breathe and focus on your short term goal.
Take a bath or a shower and if the thought of that guy comes up, say NO, and tell the thought to go back underground.
Keep focus on your short term goal. Outline the steps to reach the goal.
Tomorrow, or the next day, tell the person you named earlier about your plans. Ask them if they can help you. Offer them something nice in return - batch of cookies, a movie, whatever. Enlist their help - this is like using their ego strength.
Commit to the goal until you achieve it. Thank your friend.
Set more goals - they will help you achieve increased self-confidence.
Remember that the stronger you are inside the more equipped you will feel to deal with the feelings you have about the situation with this guy. Don't let the feelings out of the ground until you are SURE you can manage them. Once you are ready imagine you against the shape of contained feelings. Fight them off - you can imagine your friend from earlier is there to help you. Or, just ask that person to help you if this is feasible. You dont' have to fess up about the guy, just ask for support in general to get over this man and the toxic feelings.
Trust yourself. You can do it.
2007-03-25 12:08:22 · answer #1 · answered by El Pajaro Loco 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you already lost his friendship ones you don't loose anything losing it again, so just tell him the truth and don't exactly tell him that you're in love with him but do tell him you have feelings for him. Don't leave anything unspoken because you don't know what might happen if you speak up.
2007-03-25 18:48:06 · answer #2 · answered by Jen25 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you should just tell him how you feel and then maybe things will go ok and you to might start going out
2007-03-25 18:34:18 · answer #3 · answered by babygirlfromnj 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him how you feel and maybe you both can start a relationship
2007-03-25 18:36:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋