What Do you think about a Friend that would do this?

Question

When I was pregnant with twin girls they were premature and I lost them. I named them and their names were Amanda Ashley and Sara Marie- My suppose to be very good friend was pregnant to almost due the same time I was. Well everything was very hard on me and my husband at the time losing our babies our world had been turned up-side down. Well my suppose to be friend at the time had her baby healthy girl and we went to see them and Congratulate them and bring thebaby a gift. Well I picked the baby up and was rocking her and I started to cry, I couldn't help it but tried to hide my tears-it was effident though to everyone. In the mean time her name had not been mentioned and I asked well what did you name her and she says proudly Amanda Ashley, I broke down and ran out to the car, she never came out to me or never gave me any reason why she would do this. Do you think this is tacky or is it just me being too emotional? We haven't been close since. We speak and that is it.

this has been a while since this happened,thank you for for your sympathy, but we had discussed names. We were close I thought and never had any arguments.She never mentioned doing it in honor either-I thought of that too but she never said one word about it.Strange uh?

it was a very awkward situation-for me and my husband- her and her husband have never made any attempts at all to explain why the same exact name. Like some have already said -if she had of asked about doing it in memory then of course I would have been very grateful and understanding then.but does it make me a jerk for feeling like she was very insenitive????

Oh and for the one that said she couldn't have come out to me then becasue she had just had her baby- God she was healthly as a horse.She had no problems getting around I assure You!

Answer 1

Well I can certainly understand how you would feel considering you were both suppose to give birth around the same time, and she could of picked another name for her daughter, as every time you speak of her child it is only going to remind you of your loss. (sorry to hear about that.)
Or she could of been thinking that your friendship is very important to her, and she named her daughter after your daughter in hopes it would be honoring your daughter that you lossed. Either way she should of explained that to you, and asked you how you felt. I think its only right for you to ask her, in order to build on this relationship and get it back, you need to bring this up and let her know how you feel. You will not overcome this unless you speak to her about it, and you have every right to feel the way you do and you are entitled to know why she did that.

Answer 2

Your friend had just had a baby, so of course she would not beable to just run out to you. She probably never gave you a reason because she didn't want to upset you any more than what you already were. Giving the circumstances, I think it was tacky & wrong of her to use that name without talking to you about it first. She could have picked that name just because she liked it & didn't know what else to pick - which is completely immature. Or she could have picked the name as a sign of concern & appreciation for you. I know that sounds weird. But I have a cousin who was very close to this family. The Mom had a daughter named Ashley who was I think 14 when she died. Out of respect & love for Ashley & the family, when my cousin had a daughter, she gave her Ashley for a middle name. So, unless you ask, it's really hard to know why your friend named her baby that. You have every right to feel the way you do, & this situation/loss is still very difficult for you. Give it time & when you feel a little less emotional, ask your friend about it.

Answer 3

She may have meant well but really I think it was in poor taste. She may have meant to honor your baby so talk to her. If she is a good friend she should understand. Generally if someone is going to name their baby after a lost loved one they ask the family if it is okay to use that name ( and usually more time than that has passed) get some counceling for yourself and your husband. I am truly sorry for your loss.

Answer 4

I am sorry for your loss.. I dont know why someone would do this to a friend with out talking to them about it first.. To name a baby after one that has passed on with out letting the parents know is a tacky thing to do.. I dont blame you for feeling this way, and maybe she has her reasons for it, but still. My sister lost twin boys and was planning on naming the Dakota Lee and Lakota Dee. I know they are close names but they where Identical.. After this loss no one would have thought to name another child either of these.. She however went on to have a healthy baby boy a couple of years later, and out of memory for her twins she named him Dakota.. But that was her doing it not someone else... Your friend should have known that it would cause these feelings with you, and talked to you about it before she did this.. Once again I am sorry for your loss... My Prayers and Blessings are with you....

Answer 5

I am so sorry for your loss.

First, it is completely normal for you to name your babies and cry when you held one.

It is also mean of your friend to name her new daugther the exact name that you had chose . . . I mean she could have used one and said it was to honor your baby - but it sounds like she liked the name and used it.

I don't blame you for not being close . . . have you and her discussed this? How long ago was this? Maybe when you feel ready you can ask her about it?

:-)

Answer 6

i'm sorry for your loss, but u didnt mention whether your friend knew what u had planned on naming your girls. If she did know maybe she did it as a tribute to help your baby's memory live on to show her love for you at a difficult time. Maybe you should just tell her how you feel.

Answer 7

I think that's awful of your friend. She knew that name is the name of your daughter so why would she use it too. That's horrible. I know it's just a name but that's just not something you do to someone else. I'm sorry that happened to you. I wouldn't talk to your friend anymore if you don't have to.

Answer 8

I myself have also lost twins, that were premie's............ I know the pain you feel, and I am so sorry for your loss. Its a horible thing that stays with you for a life time. Im pregnant now and I still think about my twins daily.


I am sorry but I dont think it was horible of your friend. The two of you were very close and she liked the name also. My best friend also named her baby after my baby boy twin 6 months after he died, I was okay with it, I saw it as remembering my son......

Im sorry hun but your gonna have to let go of it. It wont bring your baby back. I know its really hard . Its not like she wanted your babies to die......... Im sure the loss was hard on her as well, since she was with you thru your pregnancy. Im sure she was hurt by your reaction.......I think the two of you need to talk about it. Im sure she didnt mean anything bad by the name she chose. Try to feel honored............ Not angery. I know what you lost was horible but others cant walk on egg shells around you forever.

Answer 9

I really don't think she meant any harm. Maybe she thought it would be a way to let one of your children be remember through hers or a way to show how much she missed them too. What ever her reasons she should have asked you first if you cared or would mind. The two of you need to talk about it if you can do it tactfully. If not then don't bother. I don't think you were acting over emotional at all. I would have reacted in the same way.

Answer 10

Well Im so sorry to hear about your lost.. May God continue to comfort you.. well as for your friend .she should have least discussed the name issue prior to giving birth.. just out of respect that , thats the name you had first.. well dont take it to personal.. just try to talk about it..